What great book would you love to see ruined by the standard Hollywood treatment?

[Rabrrrrrr]

If you have a particular director that you would also like to ruin it, feel free to name him/her.

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. I love the Martian Chronicles, so I'd love to see it ruined. Perhaps directed by Michael Bay.

[TZ]

3. Already been done

Dune by David Lynch.
I understand another series of books I love "Song of Fire and Ice" is about to be ruined by someone on HBO.

[lost-in-nj]

2. They already have

butchered a few

lost

wait

anyone do 1984????


hmmm the Cohen brothers




lost

[Dr Fate]

10. The adaption of "1984" is actually quite great.

Dick Burton & Bill Hurt...pretty good, actually...

[Deja Q]

4. "The Joy of Sex"

:hide:

[Parche]

5. Kama Sutra

:woohoo:
:hi:

[skygazer]

6. I'm sure they'd thoroughly ruin The Book Thief

by Markus Zusak. Great book and they'd totally fuck it up. I think Spielberg should do it - he'd make it a travesty. :P

[Lavender Brown]

7. I'd like to see Pride and Prejudice - starring the cast of High School Musical

[Dr Fate]

8. I'm suprised no one has made a shitty "On The Road" or "Catcher in the Rye" yet.

As long as we are trying to ruin an otherwise good story, I vote for Ron Howard to direct them both.

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. I also really love Dune, and would love to see it trashed again. This time by Schumacher or Emmerich

[DS1]

11. Animal Farm

With Jack Black, Michael Richards, and Hugo Weaving

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. Directed by Rush Limbaugh in his directorial debut

[baldguy]

79. He'd probably substitute the animals with humans.

Fuck that liberal allegorical shit!

And he'd make Napoleon the hero.

[Rabrrrrrr]

92. Yeah, it would be about the evil of being ungrateful for a strong decider leader

who is a leader only because he feels a call to sacrifice his time for the good of the people.

[JVS]

65. That book sucked.

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. This Side of Paradise. I'd love to see that wrecked by Hollywood.

By wrecked, of course, I mean "enhanced with Hollywood's typical improvements to great literature".

I'm thinking more car chases, and maybe instead of being at Princeton, it's at UW-Madison during the Midwest Marijuana Harvest Festival with lots of naked women dancing around.

Oh, and Amory Blaine should have a pet monkey. Monkeys are key.

[Sequoia]

14. Any thing by Disney.

[realisticphish]

28. Hey

The Lion King did "Hamlet" alright ;)

[Sequoia]

62. Oh, was that was it was based on? I didn't see it.

[jmm]

44. Disney presents: Animal Farm.

Featuring Dane Cook as the voice of Boxer, Drew Barrymore as Clover and Lindsey Lohan as Mollie.

[Chan790]

15. I want to see Robert Altman do Gravity's Rainbow

I'd settle for Joel Schumacher or Uwe Boll as director just to have a Gravity's Rainbow movie.

Other Things I'd Like To See:

I'd like to see Boll direct an adaptation of Frankenstein...I think it'd probably be the peak of his career; it fits his unique talents.

I'd like to see Takashi Miike direct one of the Harry Potter films.

I'd like to see a remake of "Jesus Christ Superstar" directed by Tim Burton. (Bonus Points if Michael Jackson plays Jesus and Clay Aiken plays Judas. Total mindfuck.)

I'd like to see a film version of Tropic of Cancer staged as a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.

:hide:

[Rabrrrrrr]

17. I'll accept your Tropic of Cancer only if Koji Wakamatsu directs it.

[FloridaJudy]

56. Ever suspect that Thomas Pynchon and Neal Stephenson

Are the same person?

I'll bet you've never seen them in a room together. See - proves it.

[XemaSab]

57. Speaking of...

I bet George Lucas would do a terrific job with Snow Crash.

Put Vin Diesel as Hiro, Miley Cyrus as Y.T., Jack Black as Raven, Rain as Mr. Lee, Nicholas Cage as Uncle Enzo, and Jack Nicholson as L. Bob Rife.

It'll be perfect. :D

[FloridaJudy]

59. You read my mind!

See 55 below. :evilgrin:

Oh, and of course with Renée Zellweger as Juanita and Keanu Reeves as Da5id.

[XemaSab]

61. Perfect

:thumbsup:

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

16. Kafka's "Metamorphosis."

I'd like to see it animated, like "Toy Story" or "Shrek." Eddie Murphy or Mike Myers could do the voice of Gregor Samsa. The huge animated cockroach would be cool.

[crimsonblue]

26. I think this could actually be good.

especially if directed by Guillermo del Toro or Alfonzo Cuaron.

[bbernardini]

37. Well, there IS a graphic novel version of "The Trial" now.

Saw it at the bookstore on Sunday. Oddly enough, I opened it up to the only part of the story I know anything about, as it was referenced in a Jasper Fforde book.

[unpossibles]

83. heh - years ago I used to joke around about Kafka's "Before the Law"

starring Steven Segal!

[AlCzervik]

18. Devil in the white city, Jerry Bruckheimer directing, Keanu Reeves as Dr. H. H. Holmes.

that would suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

[MrScorpio]

19. Tropic Of Cancer

The NC-17 Version, of course

[Rabrrrrrr]

20. London's "Call of the Wild", but set in Margaritaville with soundtrack by Buffet

That would be a totally standard hollywood treatment.

[terrya]

21. "To Kill a Mockingbird"

With Adam Sandler as Atticus Finch.

[miss_american_pie]

23. Oh dear God

That is evil. :hi:

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. And Ice-T as Tom Robinson and Beyonce as Mayella Ewell

and instead of Tom being accused of raping Mayella, they fall in love and have a blow-out riotous wedding in the end in which an Aunt Jemima-type shows up and says all sorts of hilarious racially-insensitive-and-stereotypical one-liners and eventually falls down in such a way that her bloomers are exposed, and that's the point that Atticus Finch and Bob Ewell become fast friends and help Bo and Luke Duke blow up the outhouse that Boss Hogg is shitting in, and the movie ends with fireworks and credits with a great song by Berlin and Kenny Loggins.

[mikeytherat]

86. Wow. Berlin and Kenny Loggins.

I mean, most of that was pretty good "trash a classic" fare, but putting Berlin and Kenny Loggins together on a title track (which will undoubtedly waft through the background of McDonald's Happy Meal commercials) is particularly evil.

mikey_the_rat

[jmm]

46. This would've been the perfect book for

Charlton Heston to direct and start in. The NRA could've produced it.

[Z_I_Peevey]

64. And an old, Tangoing Robert Duvall as Boo Radley,

who teaches Scout how to get on "Dancing with the Stars."

[SCantiGOP]

70. and...

Chris Rock as Tom Robinson.

[myrna minx]

105. I actually clutched my chest when I read that.

:rofl:

[Elidor]

22. Hesse's Siddartha

After many years of fasting, our young hero meets the wildly sensuous Kamala, who introduces him to drugs as well as sex. He becomes a hedonist, then by degrees a militant nihilist. Soon, he's dealing drugs by day, and writing mysterious books and doing speaking engagements in the East Village by night. Jay McInerny makes a cameo appearance (Bret Easton Ellis was unavailable).

<OBLIGATORY CAR CHASE, LEADING TO A CRASH AND BIG EXPLOSIONS>

One day he meets his best friend by the river, who tells him he is despondent and considering suicide. Siddartha laughs hysterically at his tale, then walks off into the sunset, a bottle in his hand, smoking a spliff and chuckling thoughtfully to himself, mumbling something about whipping a donkey.

<ROLL CREDITS>

We can't afford a real hack like Jerry Bruckheimer, but maybe Uwe Boll would be interested.

[democracyindanger]

53. Already done, twice

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070689/

And Bertolucci's "Little Buddha", with Keanu Reeves as Siddhartha.

Sorry.

[Elidor]

97. Ugh

That just hurts. Why didn't I think of Keanu Reeves?!?

[crimsonblue]

24. The Divine Comedy

directed by Jon Favreau and starring Eddie Murphy and Carrot Top.

[Chan790]

30. Which one plays Dante? Which one plays Virgil?

:shrug:

[crimsonblue]

31. I figure have them rotate at odd intervals...

without any recognition that they've changed roles.

[Chan790]

33. Holy shit...that'd be great.

The critics would love it...and not get it. All at the same time. It'd win awards and prove once and for all that the academy is full of shit and braindead. Audiences would love it. Literature professors would cry. Chaos would ensue.

[crimsonblue]

34. The CG would be crayonesque...

but like "my kid is a psycho killer in training" crayon drawing.

[realisticphish]

27. 12 Angry Men

ok, not a book, but shut up

with:
Adam Sandler
Carrot Top
Gilbert Godfried
Bill O'Reilly
Rush Limbaugh
Smilin' Bob Enzyte
The Burger King
Barney the Dinosaur
Larry The Cable Guy
Flavor Flav
Dennis Rodman
and
George W. Bush

[TZ]

32. small change

Could we recruit that lineup for a steelcage deathmatch?

[realisticphish]

47. i would approve

we could charge pay per view

[NewJeffCT]

100. would Limbaugh or O'Reilly

be the person in the Lee J Cobb role - the last holdout, the angry bigot?

[realisticphish]

110. ironically

it would be Barney the Dinosaur

[jobycom]

29. A Tale of Two Cities-- John Woo

It ought to come out about like Frazier's "reading" of it on "Cheers."

"It is a far, far better thing I do, than any I have done before. It is a far, far better ASS KICKING I give..." (spoken as Sydney lurches into a dive from the gallows, emptying his 943 shell clip at the ninja-clad prison gaurds, as Demi Moore rips the scarlet A from her cloak and screams "I will not wear this any more, you bloodsucking beast!" and drives a silver Samurai blade through the heart of... wait, that was...

[crimsonblue]

36. Huh?

Ok, you're mixing books now... The scarlet A was from "Scarlet letter". Gosh, get your literary butchery right... seriously.

[Rabrrrrrr]

40. Dude, we're talking about standard Hollywood treatments,

not accuracy or artistic integrity.

She can rip a scarlet A off her shirt AND opine that the best role her son John Connor has ever had is a machine from the future.

[crimsonblue]

43. well... as long as the movie ends with them all dying from a bacterial infection...

then I suppose I will let this one slide...

[jobycom]

48. Yay! You get a cookie!

:rofl:

[crimsonblue]

49. it better not have nuts..

I hate nuts... but I do love me some schweaty balls.

[jobycom]

54. You nut, you

[NewJeffCT]

99. You forgot the

white doves flying across the screen...

[jobycom]

102. Soundtrack by Prince? nt

[NewJeffCT]

103. nope

hallmark of John Woo movies - a scene where a bunch of white doves flutter across the screen...
>>>
Woo was quoted in the June 2000 edition of Premiere magazine: "I love doves. I am a Christian. Doves represent the purity of love, beauty. They're spiritual. Also the dove is a messenger between people and God... When I shot The Killer, these two men, the killer and the cop, they work in different ways, but their souls are pure, because they do the right thing. In the church scene, I wanted to bring them together. I wanted to use a metaphor of the heart. I came up with doves—they're white. When the men die, I cut to the dove flying—it's the soul, rescued and safe and also pure of heart. So the dove became one of my

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Woo

[jobycom]

112. Interesting. I figured he had just watched Bladerunner too many times. nt

[bookworm65t]

35. I'd love to see an Ann Coulter book "ruined"

I would flock to the theater ASAP!

:D

[Lautremont]

50. They come pre-ruined.

[Fire Walk With Me]

38. Nikolai Gogol would not survive the Hollywood treatment.

I'll leave potential directors to you.

[Dr. Strange]

39. God Emperor of Dune

Done as a musical.

Directed by Ed Wood's corpse or by Alan Smithee.

[Rhansen]

42. LOL

that would be different

[Rabrrrrrr]

45. With Nell Carter as Leto and David Hyde Pierce as Duncan

[KamaAina]

89. Alas, Nell Carter is unavailable

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nell_Carter

Nell Carter (September 13, 1948 – January 23, 2003) was an American singer and film, stage, and television actress.

:(

[Rabrrrrrr]

93. Crap. Then we have to get Brittney.

[jakefrep]

41. "Scarlet Letter" as done by Quentin Tarantino

nt

[terrya]

82. Unfortunately, "The Scarlet Letter" has already been ruined by Hollywood

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114345/

You haven't lived until you've seen Demi Moore as Hester Prynne and Gary Oldman as Reverend Dimmesdale.

[jakefrep]

87. Darn, I was hoping for the tangential blood and guts at which Tarantino excels

nt

[sarge43]

111. I'll match and raise with the '79 TV version

Meg Forster as Hester, John Heard, Dimmesdale. Performances sent in via carrier pigeons.

[Lautremont]

51. I'll take The Wapshot Chronicle

with Brian Cox as Leander Wapshot (which would be a promising start), but directed by Brett Ratner, which of course would ruin it; all the more if Akiva Goldsman, whatever he/she/it is, writes the script.

I'd also like to see Thomas Pynchon's V rewritten as a sci-fi picture about lizard people from space who come here to steal our resources.

[Broken_Hero]

52. The Dark Tower series,

Directed by Joel Schumacher.....Roland, will have rubber nipples I'm sure.

[FloridaJudy]

55. "Snowcrash"

Paul Verhoeven could totally trash that one. So could Lucas, if he was in Phantom Menace mode.

[XemaSab]

58. GMTA

I already gave it a director and cast above.

Lucas. It's got to be Lucas. With the full-on "why use a set when you can get a dude from India to whip you up something CGI for 20 times the cost" treatment.

[XemaSab]

60. Confederacy of Dunces

directed by Nora Ephron and starring Tom Hanks.

Soundtrack by Danny Elfman.

Drew Barrymore, Roseanne Barr, Nicholas Cage, Rosie O'Donnell, Vin Diesel, Kelsey Grammer, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Nicole Kidman can round out the cast.

[JVS]

66. Shouldn't it star John Goodman?

[XemaSab]

72. May as well bring Chris Farley back from the dead while you're at it

:P

[KamaAina]

95. It was going to!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Goodman#Louisiana_connection

Goodman has long resided in New Orleans, Louisiana. Since Hurricane Katrina, Goodman has appeared on several recovery commercials aired in Louisiana. Additionally, Goodman was at one time slated to play the role of Ignatius Reilly, the main character of a A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole. The story takes place almost entirely in New Orleans. However, the movie was never put into production and was scrapped.

1) It's Ignatius J. Reilly, geniuses; and 2) the objective here is to ruin the book, not to cast it properly. :P

edit: removed confusing Wiki blocks

[JVS]

98. Ok. How about Johnny Depp as Ignatius

[KamaAina]

90. Nic Cage is DQ'd 'cause he's a part-time resident

too authentic. :-)

Is Vin Diesel "black enough" to ruin the role of Burma Jones, or might we have to turn to, maybe, Tim Meadows? :shrug:

And the director of choice (?) would have to be Jim McBride ("The Big Easy"). :P

edit: punctuation

[XOEnterprises]

63. Margaret Atwood

Either "The Handmaid's Tale" or "Oryx and Crake."

[JVS]

67. Handmaidens tale in CLAYMATION

[XOEnterprises]

73. Yes!

Disney presents...

[mtnester]

107. I struggled with Oryx and Crake

Maybe I need to re-read it...sigh...it is rare when I am not thrilled with a book or at the end, go "thank GOD that is over."

[LeftyMom]

68. Hollywood presents: ASOIAF without all the messy parts.

Wait? This book starts with the protagonist executing somebody? No way people will go for that. Ned gets a headsman.

Incest, child almost dies? Somebody get Cersei a love interest who isn't her fraternal twin, kthx.

Ned dies? Well fuck, who wrote this book? In the movie, the kids use their magic wolf powers (we need these for the toy tie-in) to save him.

For tie-in purposes, Lady can't die. The commoner boy still dies, nobody will buy his action figure anyhow. Don't show the head, we want to keep this PG so the kiddies can go. What is with this movie and all the decapitations?

Okay, we have to make Danaerys legal, no pedo sex in our movie. Also, Khal Drogo will be played by a white guy in makeup, and Viserys will be less the pitiful product of inbreeding and more of an obvious villain, so we need some kind of nasty scar or other disfigurement to make that visually plain. And instead of being crowned, he gets eaten by one of the dragons because it's a better effect and we can use it in the trailer.

Also- Robb lives, Sandor kills Gregor, marries Sansa, who also isn't underage, and her magic wolf powers (TM) heal his scars, Cersei gets hers less gruesomely, we keep The Red Viper because he's kinda awesome (Great Action Figure Potential!!!!) No undead versions of protagonists, it scares the kiddies- we'll keep the Others and wights though, we need some villains and we're softening up all Westerosi ones. The movie ends when Dani and her dragons win the islands and she marries Robb/Jon, who we combined because we don't expect viewers to keep track of all of the Stark kids. We're also combining Bran and Rickon. We'll keep both Sansa and Arya, only to show in the end that Arya becomes a proper lady and she and Sansa reconcile.

[TZ]

74. Do you know that HBO *is* working on filming this series?

Not sure if its live action or not..but dreading that they might indeed do what you just mentioned.

[LeftyMom]

81. Yeah, and I'll be nitpicking badly enough to shame an LOTR dork.

The geeky whining about the exclusion of Tom Bombadil will be mild compared to my inevitable bitch fit about whatever changes they'll make, and of course they're going to have to shave out a ton of subplots or they'll wind up with a show that lasts for decades.

Part of me hopes that GRRM is closely involved in the adaptation, but I really don't want to have him distracted from finishing the fucking books, either.

Though AFAIK, HBO optioned the series, and there's no word yet on if they're doing it or not (they have another costume series in the pipe, and rumor is they'll do one or the other but not both.) If anybody's going to do it, I'm pretty happy with HBO. They do that whole gritty realism thing well, and in my wildest dreams most of the cast of Rome could be used on the ASOIAF project.

[cemaphonic]

69. Nabokov's Pale Fire, by Michael Bay

He'd skip all of that boring poetry crap and get straight to the king-escapes from revolutionary mob fun.

[XemaSab]

75. Nabokov's Pale Fire, directed by and starring Woody Allen

:P

[cemaphonic]

94. Nah, Allen might actually get it somewhat right

That deluded, self-important northeastern academic stuff is right up his alley.

No, what we need is close (and slow motion) escapes from the revolutionary mob, and ominous shots of the assassin as he tracks Kimbote.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

71. The Bible

Just greenlight Dino de Laurentis. Could mark the end of organized religion as we know it.

Just in case that's not enough: Justin Timberlake as Moses.

[XemaSab]

76. Disney Presents: Ender's Game

Animated, with Adam Sandler providing the voice of Ender.

[montanto]

78. Ender's Game is a great book?? Eeek!

I'm gonna quit teaching English!

[XemaSab]

80. Well, okay

"Great" is relative here. :P

[Rabrrrrrr]

91. Yes, Ender's Game is a great book.

Or, at least, great enough.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

77. Ulysses by Michael Bay

With a shitload of car chases and explosions AND...

Featuring...

Tom Cruise as the everyman, Leopold Bloom.

[kentauros]

84. My own (whenever it's finished)

Jon Favreau would do nicely ;)

[madinmaryland]

85. Tom Cruise could ruin any book!

[MilesColtrane]

88. "À la recherche du temps perdu" by Proust

...Directed by Alan Smithee.

He needs to keep it to a snappy 90 minutes, and at least put two car chases in it.

[KamaAina]

96. Bonfire of the Vanities

oh right, been there, done that. :evilgrin:

[NewJeffCT]

101. I liked that book a lot

and that movie was so poorly cast...

[jus_the_facts]

104. Heinlein's Stranger In A Strange Land....the uncut version.....

....fucked up by Barry Sonnenfeld?! :D

[Deep13]

106. Turn War of the Worlds into some sickly-sweet family picture with children.

Oh, wait a minute....

[mtnester]

108. Maybe they can try comedy again with Exit to Eden....or hand it over to Tim Burton

to interpret it and see what shakes out...of course that would mean Johhny Depp would have a starring role...or a murder mystery..anything except the real premise of the book.....OR...OR...

Along the same lines, how about Sleeping Beauty, as written by A. N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)..now THAT would be fun.

[book_worm]

109. Slapstick by Kurt Vonnegut with Jerry Lewis and Madelyn Kahn...

oh wait...it's already been done.