Describe your first love interest... by the heart... not the groin!

[Breeze54]

:P

Were you really young the first time you were in love?

14? 15? 18? 20? 30? 35? 40? 50? 55? 60? 70? 80? ... ?

What made you fall in love the first time?

Did it last?

Did you stay together?

If not, why did you decide to break up?

If you stayed together, why did you stay?

:hug:

[Robeson]

1. I'm male. It's hard for us to separate the heart from groin....

...;-)

[Breeze54]

2. Really?

That's pretty sad, imho.

Intimacy is the best sex!

You're missing out.

:hug:

[Robeson]

3. Last I looked, this was the Lounge...

...is tounge-in-cheek not allowed anymore? :shrug:

Thanks for the hug, though. I needed it since I've been "missing out".

[Breeze54]

4. OH! You forgot the

:sarcasm: emote and I'm dense tonight.

I'll buy that! :P

Sorry. ;)

[DarkTirade]

19. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.

Two major arteries run pretty much straight from the heart to the groin. :P

[Critters2]

5. I was in college. I was smitten the whole 3.5 years.

He had the biggest, brownest deer eyes. And was so interesting. Had wandered around Europe for a year before starting school. Turned me on to Barber's Adagio (still makes me think of him), live theater. We argued philosophy and theology, and would have these huge blow-ups...and then make up :)

I graduated a semester before him. The plan was for him to come east when he graduated. But he decided he wanted another adventure, so joined the Peace Corps. Went to Thailand, and after a few months started writing about how I was really more like a sister to him, and he had fallen in love with one of his students...one of his 13 year old students.

The real eye-opener was the reaction of our male friends, including the campus minister at the university we'd attended. They were fine with the idea that a 23 year old man was in love with a 13 year old. But I digress. He waited til she was old enough, married her, brought her here, she had an affair with one of her college profs and left him.

And, yes, if he walked through my door tomorrow and asked, I'd ride off into the sunset with him.

But he's back in Thailand.

My second great love was a woman! I'm a complicated piece of work!

[Breeze54]

7. Whoa!

He... "fell in love" with one of his 13 year old students?

:puke:

Sounds like he had you in his psych grip.

Have you seen him since those days that, "if he walked through my
door tomorrow and asked, I'd ride off into the sunset with him."?

I think, imho, from what I've read, that sounds like Stockholm Syndrome.

But I'm not judging you. I fantasize about my ex's love for me but then

I remember the abuse... and then I wake up. I think we all romantasize

our first love's and forget the tyranny.

[Critters2]

9. In my heart, I know it wasn't healthy.

But when I think about him, the little hormonies get goin'. I think I'm probably too independent for him to ever be interested now.

[khashka]

6. OK this might freak some people out

Fom 12 to 14 I was involved with a guy in his 40's. What attracted me? Pale skin and dark hair, he was a nice decent guy.

And though he was a pedophile we never had sex - when I would beg him to he'd tell me I wasn't old enough to know what I really wanted.
No we did not stay together.



Khash.

[Breeze54]

10. So you made the moves

on him? Sexual attraction starts earlier than many grown ups like to believe
but that's why there are laws to bar adults from acting on that urge. Do you
think you actually were the instigator or being ployed? You said he was a pedvile.

[khashka]

15. Yeah I made the moves

He never touched me, encouraged me, or manipulated me. He did try to be a mentor and a friend and he was.

And though he was a pedophile, he was a good one. He taught me that just because you feel something doesn't mean you have to act on it. Sometimes it would be wrong. He was a decent man, that was part of the attraction. And though I wanted to and he wanted to, nothing sexual ever happened. But we did love each other.

Khash.

[Breeze54]

39. "And though he was a pedophile, he was a good one"... to me...

I'm sorry but I don't agree.

He treated you like an OBJECT for HIS sexual gratification!!!

You should make YOU be Gawd Damn Fucking ANGRY!!! :grr:

THAT was NOT LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was ABUSE!!!!


wake up. :cry:

:hug:

[khashka]

51. Oh grow up!

The man never touched me, never saw me naked. Tried to teach me some basic rules of how to live a good and respectful life. If he got a sexual thrill out of it, then I'm glad, he deserved something in return.

And I don't wanna argue this because A) I don't give a fuck about anyone else's opinion and B) YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!!

He was a good man and he treated me as a friend.... not an object and not a sex partner but a friend.

Khash.

[regnaD kciN]

58. Technically, there's a difference...

...between being a "pedophile" and being a "pederast."

The former is sexually attracted to children (there's some debate as to whether the term even applies when the object of attraction has passed puberty, but I'll go with the "before the age of consent" definition for the sake of argument). The latter has sexual contact with children.

In other words, it's possible to be a pedophile but not a pederast. The guy in question sounded like that.

I will grant, however, that this distinction is pretty much ignored in "conventional wisdom" nowadays.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

59. you need to get some help to distinguish your feelings from how other people feel

i remember your conversation with roon about ex'es. just cos something works one way in your life, doesnt mean it HAS to work that way in other people's

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. you know what i like about you. you know the gray areas and dont see the world in

black/white.

most people are not like that.

[khashka]

26. The world is all shades of gray to me....

The only black I can see is cruelty and inhumanity.

Khash.

[Digit]

57. This is sad...I was starting 9th grade, he was just starting 10th.

This was high school.
I saw him from across the cafeteria, and I said, "that is him".
It was like recognizing him as my one and only out of a crowd.
Anyway, he ended up being my first and only love. It was like I knew him from before...very weird.
We never had sex, we just became girlfiend and boyfriend, but he was the one who first tried to give me a french kiss. I was so offended back then!

I am 56 now, and still dream about him, remember his birthday, etc.

A couple of years ago, I had an ephimany...he is GAY! I called one of my best friends, who is a gay man, and described some of my suspicions, such as:

Later in life, he preferred cordials such as Gran Marnier, his house was IMMACULATE (had a chance to see it-long story), and he had remoldeled his kitchen by himself which was a woman pleaser to be sure.

My suspicions also have to do with us hooking up together in later life and how awkward and inept he was.
It was almost like he had never been with a woman...I did not think about it then.
It did not matter to me at the time, but NOW, I think how I might have made him suffer by chasing after him.

There are many more details to my suspicions, but I don't want to post them on the internet.

I don't really care if he is into men or is bi....I love him, and wish him the best life has to offer.

I have never been in love since...sad, huh.

[Chan790]

66. So your first love was a chaste love affair with a older guy...

what's wrong with that? If nobody got hurt, no laws were broken, nobody was exploited...I don't see the outrage. If you're a better person for his influence, bully for you. More so, he sounds like a stand-up fellow.

A lot of 12 year old boys have equally-murky (often asexually-attracted) relationships with surrogate father figures whom they look to learn how to be a man. A lot of 12 year old girls have equally-murky (often based in sexual-attraction) relationships with surrogate father figures. In the first, it goes unspoken (and society pretends it isn't happening); in the second, society largely doesn't give it a second thought, it's part of "growing up", hell...it's the plot of 2-3 major motion pictures a year. Sometimes the hetero-normative pisses me the fuck off.

[Chan790]

8. Which?

The first time I was really in love? The first time I knew I was in love with someone before it was irreconcilably over? The first time I thought I was in love? All three sucked my ass hard.

Thought I was in love:
Age 12
She was cute.
No. Because she decided that I wasn't as cute as Kevin on the basketball team.
Because she informed me and half the cafeteria that she hated me and I smelled like onions.

Really in love:
Age 17
The complete connection on every level. I could talk to this girl for hours about anything.
Never really started because I was too dumb.
I never made the move before we both went to school 1200 miles apart because it never occurred to me that she felt it too, that it was love and not what friendship with a woman was like.

Knew I was in love:
Age 23
Her eyes and ability to hold intelligent conversation in the middle of a fraternity party.
No, it did not last.
Technically, to my surprise after 18 months, she never considered us to be "together" because we were long-distance for the majority of the relationship. To put it another way, we had a difference of opinion based in a difference of assumptions on whether we were monogamous.
Her decision entirely...I wanted a relationship, she wanted something else.

For someone who gives great dating advice, I really suck at dating.

[Breeze54]

11. Actually, you sound very mature and healthy to me!

:P

You seem to have a lot of insight about yourself but you are a definite trip :P

Thanks for being so open and honest!!

I'll try to reach your level... and am trying but I'm a chicken shit at heart.

BUT... I'm trying! ;)

[crimsonblue]

12. hmmm

There was about a 5 month period my sophomore year in college in which my fiancée and I were broken up for whatever reason. So this other girl, let's call her alicia, and I fell head over heels. It was the fall of 2005, and this girl just got under my skin... I was not immediately attracted to her, but she became more beautiful by the day. She had amazing eyes.. dark, wondrous orbs that allowed me to see deep within her soul. She had an amazing voice and an adorable laugh. It only lasted a month... but sometimes it pops into my head for who knows why. She was exactly what I needed and wanted at that point in time, but it was destined to failure. I'm not sure why it ended so soon and abruptly, and we stayed friends for a time, and then we just stop talking completely, and I haven't talked to her in over a year and a half. I've seen her on campus, even walked directly past her, but there's no recognition there.. like it didn't happen. Uggh... I shouldn't rehash bad memories...

Now, I've found more than just love with my fiancée.. I have found somebody who will stand by me no matter what bullshit life may throw at me (or I might throw back at life). She fills the void I didn't know was there, and she causes me to think about more than just myself. I don't deserve her.. she isn't perfect, but she is perfect for me. :)

[NewWaveChick1981]

13. Met him when I was 17 and he was 21.

:) We were together for four and a half years. The first half of the relationship was great, the last half was turbulent. He had a lot of wonderful qualities and a couple of not-so-wonderful ones. I was the one who broke up with him. I still speak to him on occasion, though.

[mike_c]

14. I'm male-- my heart IS in my groin....

:rofl:

Seriously though, she was a baptist minister's daughter. It was high school. We were doomed from the start. Broke my heart.

[Breeze54]

21. LOL... and

Thank You for your honesty. ;)

Something some DU "Loungers" could take a lesson!

If you see DU Loungers giving people a ration of shit

because they think they are BETTER than everyone else?

CALL THEM ON IT!! :grr:

THEY DON'T RULE AT DU!!!

:hug:

[crimsonblue]

53. so.. you're the self-designated

judger of character... hmm... ok... :rofl:

[skygazer]

16. I fell in love at 15

He was beautiful, with soft brown hair and dazzling blue eyes. And he, like I, was a bit of a tortured soul. We understood each other.

We were together for almost 3 years, never really broke up, just drifted apart.

I think of him often and hope he has had a happy life.

[BarenakedLady]

17. 15

He was my first "love". We were together for two years. We lost our virginity together. It was more of an obsessive teenage love than real love though. We were both so jealous of anyone or anything that took time or attention away from each other. I broke up with him after he graduated (he was a year older than me). I wanted to play the field. His mom and my mom are still friends and see each other from time to time, so I've always known what he's been up to all these years.

I was 20 when I fell in love the second time...that one was doomed from the start. But oh, the Passion! :)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. being in love with lisa makes me realize i have never been in love before

i was reasonably sure of it even before lisa but i am completely certain i have never been in love before.

i met her when i was almost 28. i am almost 30 now :)

[Ava]

22. george clooney

just kidding :rofl:

never been in love. not into the whole dating thing at my age. i have no intention on having relationship with someone from a town that i'm going to be moving away from when i go to college next year, and i have no intention on marrying or letting anything get in the way of me graduating from a university and pursuing my interests. also, i think at my age people don't know what "love" is.. so i see it just as silly and pointless right now.

yeah.. i'm a cynic ;)

[DarkTirade]

56. But one can't discover what love is...

unless they have something to contrast it against. So you have to think you've fallen in love a few times only to find that it wasn't before you can really know what it is.

Which is why those short-lived and often heartbreaking high school/early college relationships are necessary. :P

[Ava]

64. not when everyone in your town is a total ass

i honestly have absolutely no interest in any of the guys in my town. that is one of the numerous reasons that college couldn't come too soon. :rofl:

[DarkTirade]

67. Yeah, I've had that problem.

It wasn't that I didn't want to date anyone... it was that there was nobody I wanted to date. :P

[flvegan]

23. Really, truly in love?

I was 10. She was beautiful. 1981 Ferrari BB 512i (Berlinetta Boxer). Bright red. Saw her in one of my dad's Car and Driver magazines. I didn't even know what a V12 was, but I knew I wanted one. It was all about looks.

[Ava]

25. ---

:rofl:

[LeftyMom]

32. Sure, laugh.

It's not going to be funny when I kick his ass into the middle of next week.

I'm ready to be all swoony and it's a goddamn car. :grr: He's SO dead.

[Breeze54]

49. I hope you can Calm down

I know it's hard to do but.... try.

:hug:

[LeftyMom]

52. Oh, I'm kidding.

I might kick his ass on general principles, but not for that. ;)

[Fox Mulder]

24. I'm still waiting for that to happen.

I'm 26 and I've never been in love yet.

[fizzgig]

27. i was just about 15

he and i had been friends since the third grade and he was my best friend's cousin.

we ran in the same circle of friends and things just kind of came together. he was so much fun to be around, but i can't really say that one thing made me fall in love with him.

we were only together for about five months and broke up in the typical messy high school fashion. i lost not only him, but his cousin (whom i'd been close to since kindergarten) and my best girlfriend, who was dating the cousin.

i see him around town sometimes and we always have a nice chat. i will always love him in a little corner of my heart and there are times that i still miss him a lot, but i wish him nothing but the best.

[Breeze54]

30. You are an awesome person, in my book.....

I'm a jealous woman and I can't share like that.

I still can't let go... and it really pisses me off that I still feel that way! :grr:

[fizzgig]

35. it's only happened in the last few years

i carried around a lot of resentment over the whole situation for a long time.

the guy who came after him...that's a completely different story. we were together for nearly seven years before he decided to go study in japan (something i wholeheartedly supported). he came back for a year and then went back over there to teach english and it's beginning to look like he's never coming back. ever since he left the first time, he's not made a whole lot of effort to keep in touch and never saw anything inappropriate about his girlfriend sending me nasty emails from his phone or her emailing me to tell me to never talk to him again...it's been four years since he left and i'm still carrying around a lot of anger x(

[RetroLounge]

28. I was 18, she was on the cover of a magazine...

and I KNEW I must have her. I sold my truck to be with her.

We're still together and we've been in love now for almost 30 years.



:hi:

RL

[Breeze54]

31. Fucking awesome!!!

:D

I love that story and want to hear more....

[RetroLounge]

43. Well, when I first saw her...

She was in another man's arms. Keith Richards, of the Rolling Stones, to be exact.

But I knew it was just a fleeting thing with them. He would never be true to her...

and although I've strayed to other women named Fender, Rickenbacker, Yamaha and Epiphone, Gibson always had my heart.

I even got her tattoed on my left shoulder to show my love.

here we are sitting on my bed:



:hi:

RL

[DarkTirade]

34. That is so sweet.

I still mourn for the slim sparkly green fender strat that got away. :( We shall never the twain meet again.

[RetroLounge]

41. Those Fenders are so fickle...

One moment they want to surf, the next, play blues...

Oh, and they are so thin and unhealthy looking.

You're better off without...

:9

RL

[DarkTirade]

44. I just love those slender curves.

I don't like the single-coil sound as much, but I like the ones that have one humbucker on the bottom and two singles above that.

[RetroLounge]

46. You just like to hit her whammy bar

:9

RL

[DarkTirade]

47. Actually, since I started with acoustic,

I never really liked using a whammy bar. If I'm gonna bend the strings, I'll damn well do it myself. That's why I have fingers. :P

I might get one guitar with one, just for those few times when I'd need it. But for the most part I just prefer not to use one.

[davsand]

29. He broke my heart when I was 21.

Big brown eyes and absolutely stunningly good looking. We played in the park and took long walks and held hands. He would show up and it was all champagne and moonlight--unless he was telling me that every problem we had with each other was because of ME. Those times were not so good.

It also wasn't too good when he was at my 21st birthday party and he told me that nobody there was REALLY my friend--that nobody would ever love me except him. Come to think of it, he said that kind of shit an awful lot for the entire few years we were together...

It ended when he put me upside a wall one night. I got up off the floor and threw him out.

We grew up together, and I grew up a hell of a lot because of his problems.



Laura

[Breeze54]

36. I think we married the same man...

:hug: X a thousand!

I'm tempted to go into details right now....

Suffer it to say, "He OWNED me."

Or so he said and his parents and mine backed him up. :cry:

:puke:

[davsand]

40. Luckily, we were not married yet.

He called his mom and told her I'd thrown him out. Her response was "What did you do to her?"

I'm not gonna go into a lot of detail, but there was a general recognition in his family that there were several "issues" present. It is impossible to know how I'd have responded had anything been said at the freaking TIME, but I was less than thrilled to hear about it after the fact.

You talk about his parents and yours taking his side and that just hits me viscerally. I also felt alone because had my father had ANY idea that he'd hit me there would have been bloodshed. As it was, it got ugly enough.

I am sorry you have also faced it, but something I keep coming back to is the realization that I am who I am NOW because of what I learned from that experience. I can survive damn near anything, and nobody can take that self knowledge away from me--EVER. Self discovery is never easy, but maybe those lessons change us the most--rather like a crucible, I guess.

Love to you, and may healing be yours.



Laura

[Breeze54]

42. "May healing be yours...."

As well. :(

I have never heard another woman speak like you.

I've felt so alone in this.

Thank You. :hug:

[Breeze54]

45. "I can survive damn near anything"

Me too.

Just wanted to add that.

You are very wise. :hug:

[DU GrovelBot]

33. ## DON'T DONATE TO DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND! ##

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This week is our second quarter 2008 fund drive. Democratic Underground is
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[DarkTirade]

37. I've thought I was in love a lot.

Looking back every time, I'm not sure I really was.

First time I was 15. And in that case I think I was in love with the idea, not the person. She wasn't the prettiest girl I ever dated, but she was one of the few who could best me in a contest of wit. :) But it fizzled out as high school romances do.

The second was when I was 18. Senior year of high school I started dating a girl and we were inseparable. We tried to stay together when we went off to college... and it just didn't happen. We're still in contact, and I'd even still call her a friend although we've seen little of each other in the last few years. But we both grew and changed a bit. She's not even the same person she was then. C'est la guerre.

The third was the one I usually mention when I'm talking about exes. I was with her on and off for several years. We'd talked about marriage numerous times. She had just had this spark in her that was like the flame to my moth. I couldn't stay away, even when I got burned. It took me a while, but I finally realized that it just couldn't work no matter how I felt about her. And I think she realized it at the same time, because the last breakup, while messy and not particularly pretty, was entirely mutual.

[Breeze54]

38. "was like the flame to my moth...."

I understand exactly what you are saying...

:hug:

[HEyHEY]

48. Adrianna - god damn that woman had me - I was 21

Never even got to kiss her. I liked her so much I froze up whenever I tried to make a move. She even once made a move on me and I was terrified. She's back in Tampico and with some dude, I hope he's good to her.
We still talk every now and then.

[Breeze54]

50. I'm sorry for your hurt,.

:(

[FunkyLeprechaun]

54. Fell in love at 20 for the first time

And 7 years later am now marrying him in a week! :-)

We were in a Long-Distance relationship for 5 years before I moved here from the US.

[Roon]

55. I was 22, he was 34

What really attracted me to him was how he treated me like I was the last person on earth. He was very special to me. We broke up and he died not even a year after that. RIP,James...I loved you very much.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

60. in a word...perfect.

[stuntcat]

61. my first 'love' is my best friend now

we went out from 14-16. We were such children, writing love notes and eating lunch together and then not seeing each other all summer when school was out. We broke up but stayed very close, then he finally came out the closet (or whatever) when we were in our 20's.
Now we don't talk much about when we were boyfriend/girlfriend, unless we're out late and a little drunk he embarrasses me by telling other friends how we lost our virginity to each other.

I think there are definitely different kinds of love though, and I've been in a lot of kinds.

[Haole Girl]

62. Well... I was 16...

He was 16, too. It will always be innocent, in my eyes, because it was. We kissed in the parking lot of a high school. He was very handsome... and smart and funny. He lived in the country and I lived in the suburbs. It just wasn't meant to be. We never did become intimate... physically... and I am very thankful for that now, though at the time it was hard to say no. I'll never forget that first kiss, of mine, though.

We stayed in touch for years. After he married, and I was still single (in our 20's), he hinted that he wanted to have an affair with me. I declined. Eventually, I decided it was better if we didn't try to stay in touch....the temptation was, well, overwhelming.

I've read, recently, that the best love affairs are those we never had. Sometimes I think it is true.

[derby378]

63. I was 19...

I was very lonely in school. I had numerous crushes, but none of them were ever reciprocated. Then someone I knew for a while developed a sudden and passionate interest in me, and I found myself responding in kind to her.

I won't go into detail, but the two of us had totally different lives. I think we both knew it couldn't work out, but separation was still difficult. We still remained good friends, though.

[zingaro]

65. Ah love.

I got butterflies over kids I went to elementary school with but I don't consider that love, though it felt like it at the time. Especially the boy I loved in 7th and 8th grade.

I loved someone at 15. We were great friends first, then decided it must be "love". We talked for hours and hours. Fell asleep on the phone with each other and called it romantic. After about a year of this great relationship, his parents went out of town. After half a bottle of Jack Daniels and some Marilyn Chambers, we quite excitedly "did it" and, as one might imagine, things went downhill. I became clingy in weird ways, he became standoffish in weird ways. It ended badly and left me with some really driving needy issues that took lots of work to move past.

I loved someone at 20. Instaneously loved him. Came home from a job interview and told my roomies that I was going to marry the guy who had just interviewed me. Much to my surprise, the same thing had happened to him. And so, he loved me. We had months of bliss. It was wonderful. The only problem is that I was stupid. After a nonfocal pointless drunken fight, operating purely from anger and spite, I slept with a friend of his. It ended very badly and left me totally shattered, with a giant steaming pile of self-loathing that took lots of work to move past.

I loved someone at 26. We married. Had children. It was never great, even at first, and now it's like a low-security, white-collar prison sentence that won't end for another ten or twelve years. It's not terrible. It's just not love. And it took a long time to realize that.

I love someone now. That souldeep, entire being love that makes you question anything you ever felt before because all the rest of the love is ghostly and pale by comparison. Who knows where it goes? Not me. But we'll see. Someday.