Having a crisis of meaning

[YankeyMCC]

The last couple of weeks have really been challenging to my sense of well being, which I generally measure by how effective I am being in doing what good I can.

I'm sitting at my desk job also thinking about what groceries I need to buy, what birthday gift to get for my nephew, trying to plan a multi day hike over Memorial day weekend, on and on...

Meanwhile scores of thousands are died and suffering from the cyclone that his Myanmar, the earthquake in China, not to mention the unrelenting horrors in Iraq and the middle east overall, the severe tornadoes in the US, not the mention the unrelenting hardships of those suffering from this f-up'd economy...now I'm reading on the BBC about the horrible attacks on foreigners in South Africa.

I posted this today in the Editorials section where it is sinking like a stone: "Humanizing nature's fury" http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=360318&mesg_id=360318

It's a good piece but the sentiment which is close to my own isn't helping today. Frack I feel useless and stupid for making choices that have lead me to this silly career instead of putting me in a better position to help.

I've donated all I could (though I worry if it is getting to where it needs to get in the case of the Cyclone victims at least), and now I sit in my comfortable office chair and feel like shit.

Sorry, I know this is a bummer for the lounge but I had to let it out somewhere somehow (on top of it all I'm going through a divorce and the rest of my family is also out of reach emotionally as my mother and sister fight and act crazy - I think they may need professional help) so I have no where really to turn at the moment in real life.

Frack, frack, frack, frack.

[TZ]

1. Don't do that

Seriously, that will do nothing but make you sick mentally and physically. Unless you can change time and space, there is nothing you can do to unmake the choices you made in the past. Can you change what you do in the future of course . There is always going to be suffering in the world and you have done what you can. Is there more you can do? Absolutely. Its also a matter of perspective. I would like to think that what I do directly helps people, but there are people here who have called me unethical, soulless, a nazi and a child killer. I try not to let it bother me but instead focus on the positive of what I've done. And yes, I know about no support system-as you may know I am alienated from my family as well.
Feel free to PM if you wish to talk more. I used to fight that kind of guilt alot before I realized it was doing no one any good, least of all me.
(oh and can I say, lexapro has helped my attitude a lot as well):hug:

[Droopy]

2. There's not a whole lot us common folk can do about the rest of the world

You can give money and maybe you can volunteer if you've got enough time. That's about it.

I've been where you are emotionally (except for the divorce part). I drive a truck for a living and it takes up most of my time through the week. I started thinking about other things I could do for a living and other ways I could help the rest of society. It seemed to me that what I was doing wasn't really all that beneficial to people. But it really is when you think about it. I deliver car parts to dealers. They use them to keep folks' cars running so they can go about the business of life.

I bet if you did a little analyizing of what you do for a living you will see how it contributes to life as we know it as well.

[Beer Snob-50]

3. sometimes we need to sit back and be able to differentiate between what we have control over

and what we don't. short of you developing diety like powers you are doing all you can for those less fortunatant. however by dwelling on you trying to do more for those you may be neglecting those things you do have control over (neices b'day, planning the hike, ect)

[raccoon]

4. What does "frack" mean?

I too have experienced regrets that I made the job/career/education choices that I did, and have wished I'd done otherwise. Try not to--I don't know who it was said, "there is nothing so useless as regrets," but I certainly agree with the sentiment.

[YankeyMCC]

5. Thanks to all that replied

what you've said is true, and I know I'm essentially mourning over a feeling of loss of control and that is a sort of vanity I have to get over. Mostly I've managed to do this but today, last few weeks actually, it's been particularly difficult.

For example I'm feeling disgusted by the juxtaposition of these two pictures in today's BBC day in pictures series:

Number 3:
"...these Burmese cyclone survivors jostle for aid at a monastery outside the city."

Number 6:
"A woman in Tokyo has her face covered with pure gold foil at the Beautyworld Japan exhibition. It is said to be an anti-aging treatment."

I makes no sense to be angry at this, it is as the world is and there will always be these disparities in suffering and wealth and the people in each picture are only doing what they are able and meant to do.