So I read a book on Asperger's Syndrome, and my life suddenly makes sense

[clyrc]

My oldest daughter's teachers started telling me she may have Asperger's four years ago, but I was sceptical until just recently. I went to the library last week to find some books on the subject, and I was astonished to see that not only am I sure my daughter has Asperger's, I'm sure I have it too. My reaction was giddy relief, that after 38 years I finally know why I'm such a freak. My daughter cried when I told her I want to get her tested, because she's afraid other kids will find out and tease her. She already doesn't get along with anyone, so I don't know why that bothers her. There's no need for anyone but her teachers to know, anyway.

So now I know and I'm wondering if I should get tested, too.

[Kat45]

1. How do they test someone for Asperger's?

A couple of women at my church have sons with Asperger's.

[clyrc]

4. I don't know, but I guess I'll find out

I think it will help my daughter at school, because she isn't doing well at all now.

[mitchum]

40. Self-reporting and observational data from parents, teachers, psychologists

[harmonicon]

2. I don't think you or your daughter should worry

I have a friend who's been diagnosed with it. I don't think anyone would make fun of someone for it, and you're right that your daughter doesn't have to tell anyone. How old is she? As far as I know, there isn't a "treatment" as such, nor is there a clear cut line that will say whether or not someone "has it". If you're family is doing alright, I wouldn't worry, but since the teachers have said things, maybe it's worth looking into? Hell if I know. I had to go to a psychologist when I was a kid (the school demanded that I go, or I was going to be kicked out). Nothing bad came of it, but it did make me really angry that I had to go.

[clyrc]

5. We aren't doing alright, and it's been very obvious there's some kind of problem

Last year, my daughter's teachers were telling me she was the most brilliant student they ever had. She wasn't getting along with other kids, but she was doing well enough in school. This year, she is doing so badly in school that none of her teachers have any praise besides "She's a very clever child who doesn't pay attention at all." She's 12 right now, a difficult age anyway, but I know from experience that being different makes it worse.

[harmonicon]

7. that sucks - I'm sorry

I hope it gets turned around, whatever makes it happen. I think the psychologist said that I was basically a smart kid who was also a smart ass, and maybe a bit too sensitive. I'm not sure if I had a concept of doing good or bad in school, but that was when I was about 8 or 9. I was definitely different, and still am. It can be really hard on kids who are different and smart, especially at that age (12-ish). It's been almost 20 years now, but I'm still good friends with a guy I met in junior high. We were friends because we were both giant weirdos. Maybe we just got lucky.

[yellowdogintexas]

8. twelve is the doomsday age for girls. Another book you may want to read is "Reviving Ophelia"

which addresses the issue of 12/14 yr old girls who tailspin when they hit puberty, to avoid being unpopular.

[clyrc]

23. I read that several years ago

My daughter attends a girl's only school, but I actually think she does better with boys than with girls. That was true for me, too.

[Deja Q]

10. Yipes

:hug:

Definitely get her all the help she can get.

You also sound like a caring, responsible parent. :thumbsup:

[ikojo]

18. Aspies find it hard to fit in our society...I was brutalized

while in school, from second grade to high school. I simply did not fit in. When I was in college it was difficult because I didn't fit into the drinking culture. I was more academic.

[harmonicon]

20. A lot of people don't fit in

I'm sorry if it was because of this syndrome. My friend who has it is also an intellectual. Now that I know he has it, it does explain some things about his personality, but I think he would have had it hard just being a hyper-intellectual philosophy nut anyway.

[clyrc]

24. I was teased, my daughter has been bullied and teased

and honestly I could never figure out why. We're both pretty much harmless, but neither of us have been able to keep a low profile.

[Skittles]

35. I cannot tell you how many asses I kicked as a GI brat

it was the same in every school I attended - there were always those kids who got picked on mercilessly - I not only kicked major bully butt, I made those who witnessed it and did nothing feel very, very bad about - yes INDEED

[clyrc]

37. Now this made me smile

I was a military brat, too, and I was very shy on top of everything else, going to 12 different schools before I graduated. Sometimes the teasing was worse, sometimes better.

I wish I had been the ass kicking type!

[Critters2]

28. Same thing happened to my brother. School was hell for him.

A shrink finally diagnosed it when he was in his early 40's. As the OP says, once we knew the diagnosis, everything made sense.

[clyrc]

38. I'm still amazed at how much this explains about my life

Not everything, of course, but enough to still be amazing.

[zingaro]

3. Sounds like you don't need to be tested at all.

Some things you just know.

And by all means, have your daughter tested if only to provide her with all the support she's eligible to have. We went through the long and painful debate when we had my stepson tested years ago. The stigma of labels seemed huge but now that he's grown, we realize that we labored and labored over something that was not what we thought it was.

:hug: Best of luck to you. And to your daughter.

[clyrc]

6. Thanks!

I hope that getting my daughter diagnosed is as helpful as I'm wishing it will be.

[ikojo]

19. In the St Louis area there are social skills training groups

A friend with an Aspie son takes his son to the group and he is doing far better at 17 than I was at the same age. I envy what he has going on with his social skills.

What I've learned as far as social skills go is primarily from watching others and mimicking them.

[dropkickpa]

11. I disagree

Self diagnosing doesn't help his daughter at all. By going through the diagnostic thing himself, he will not only have an actual diagnosis, but he can be a better companion for his daughter through her journey.

[zingaro]

16. Fair enough.

My point was only that the OP sounds pretty resolved to the diagnosis anyway and doesn't really need a professional battery of testing to *know*.

[Deja Q]

9. If you've had developmental issues throughout your life, then yes.

Anyone can have some aspects of Asperger's Syndrome; it's a matter of degree that differentiates.

Also, your daughter should not cry. There's little to be found out; those who have it will eventually be seen as different and teased anyway.

If she is having problems early, it's best to get her diagnosed and properly trained - working with what tunes her in.


"She already doesn't get along with anyone, so I don't know why that bothers her." -- I was the same way as a child. But in my day, it was still two decades before A.S. would be accepted in America (1994) - while Europe dealt with it since 1944... Even by then, most doctors wouldn't consider it for adults -- and as relatively successful adults we've found ways to cope and circumvent our handicaps.

[clyrc]

25. I agree

I will do anything to spare her the difficulties I've had through the years.

[khashka]

12. I have it

But often the people who do are highly intelligent, attractive, and talented in some creative way. But it makes it difficult to focus or bond with other people. Knowing should help. And get tested yourself, if you think you have it. Just knowing can make you feel less freaky.

And try to get her in some advanced classes. The intelligence thing is true and she may just be bored.

Khash

[clyrc]

31. I've thought about advanced classes for her

Since I live outside of the US, that's a little more difficult to find.

I think getting myself diagnosed would be a good thing for me.

[khashka]

32. It's a mild form of autism

And back when I was a psych, I loved working with them. Severe autism, whole different story - sometimes you have to do things to keep them from hurting themselves that make you stay awake all night hating yourself. Even though it was the right thing to do and you had to.

Sorry, my years as a psych were rough. I wanted to be a sex therapist, helping couples with relationship problems. I ended up working with severely autistic kids and sexually abused children. I had to quit - I couldn't cry myself to sleep every night.

Khash.

[clyrc]

33. I have a neighbor with an autistic son

She was the first one, five years ago, to suggest I get my daughter tested. I've seen how this woman has to fight for her child, and the problems he has, and I'm thankful for the apparent mildness of AS as compared to severe autism.

I actually looked AS up on the net years ago, but I dismissed it as a possibility because I read that AS people don't have empathy, and I swear my daughter and I have too much empathy rather than not enough. The book I read said that AS people just don't know what to do with empathy, and that sounded much, much more relevant to me and my daughter.

My sympathy for working with those children. I could never do anything like that, but I admire those who try.

[khashka]

36. People with AS have a lot of empathy

sometimes a great deal of it. Which is why I liked working with them. They just have a hard time knowing what to do with it. Or how to bond with another person. Sometimes, they'll find one safe person and bond extremely closely - but only with that one person. It's a strange condition and no one really knows what causes it - genetic, viral, not bonding as an infant. But the cause isn't as important as learning you have it and how to deal with it. But people with AS are often very smart and creative and so can find ways to deal with it. Sometimes we just need a little help to do so.

Actually there are a number of inventive, creative, empathic people with AS here on DU. It's more common than you'd think.

Khash.

[clyrc]

39. I'm coming to see that

By the way, I'm a big fan of Colette, and I love your quote.

[mamalone]

13. My oldest daughter is an Aspie!

Believe me honey, I know exactly what you are going through and have been through:hug:

I think her father is, and I am certain that my own brother is too. I, on the other hand, am pretty much the anti-asperger's poster child, which sometimes makes it hard for us to connect and communicate. My daughter wasn't diagnosed until she was in her mid-teens and, like you said, it was as though everything suddenly made sense. I understand your daughter's hesitancy, but seriously, the label was the saving of my daughter's sense of self. At the age of 21, she is now doing very well... happy, relatively productive and moving forward in her life with excitement and anticipation. My daughter has a website/message board for young folks with Asperger's..http://onthespectrum.com/">On the Spectrum. It's not very busy these days, but at least she could connect with some other like-thinking kids. And I don't know if you are open to the idea of homeschooling, but that has been a wonderful option for my girlie:)

If I can help you in this journey in any way... let me know.

[clyrc]

27. Thank you!

I will send my daughter to the website.

[coffeenap]

14. PM'd you. nt

[lightningandsnow]

15. I might be getting diagnosed with it soon.

I just saw a psychiatrist - but I haven't met back with them yet. I should be hearing the results of theur assessment soon.

You know, it's not so much having it that I'm worried about, as not having it. Because, on some level, I feel like if I don't, I'm just stupid and unlikeable with no "excuse" for it.

Yes, I know I'm whining a bit.

Good luck.

[clyrc]

26. Not whining! I know exactly what you mean

I've had years and years of frustration and depression and confusion, and now I find an explanation and honestly it's a huge relief.

[Skittles]

34. you're intelligent and likable, AspieGrrl

regardless of any diagnosis - if anyone says different I will KICK THEIR ASS

[ikojo]

17. I've done the Baron-Cohen test for Asperger's

and came out high likelihood of being an Aspie. I also talked openly about it with a therapist I was seeing through the employer sponsored EAP last year and she agreed I am Aspie.

From reading about another DUer's attempts to get diagnosed as an adult, it seems an uphill battle.

[DarkTirade]

42. Just out of curiosity I took that one too.

Got something like a 34 if I recall correctly. And the cutoff for low-level aspergers was 32 or 33, I think.

So I wouldn't be surprised if a full psychological test would go either way for me. If I don't have it, I've got a lot of similar personality traits/thought patterns/ect. If I do have it, I've got a fairly low-level form of it.

[otherlander]

21. Why do the teachers have to know?

[clyrc]

29. Because her problems in school are caused by AS

She has her narrow focus and getting her to pay attention to anything else is increasingly difficult. Her school loves group work, which is a nightmare for her.

[LucyParsons]

22. I admit it; I had dismissed Asperger's as the latest "fad" diagnosis

(after the rash of ADD, and, before that, plain "hyperactivity", etc., etc. - all requiring medication for small children, which, because of my - I think well-founded - skepticism about the pharmaceutical industry, I tend to immediately question)

My little cousin supposedly has Asperger's - I had thought that maybe it was just more that he has a workaholic father and a trophy wife mother who is more interested in shopping, drinking wine and the social status that comes in her McNeighborhood from having kids "in therapy" (yes, seriously :eyes: ). But, having read some of the symptoms, I think maybe I have it! Ha!

"difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or enjoy spontaneous interests or achievements with others, a lack of social or emotional reciprocity, and impaired nonverbal behaviors such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture"

Check - I have an often-noted problem maintaining eye contact; I have a hard time making friends; and I almost never feel "spontaneous" connection to others, and, thus avoid a lot of social situations. I don't like "parties" for instance, and never have. In junior high, I HATED dances because I didn't want to walk in - I always felt like everyone else was "in on something" and I couldn't get in on it.

"one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic while being oblivious to the listener's feelings or reactions"

Check. I have gotten much better about this, and credited maturity.

"special interests may change from time to time, they typically become more unusual and narrowly focused, and often dominate social interaction so much that the entire family may become immersed"

Check. I used to read the dictionary and encyclopedia obsessively, and I still get caught up in one narrow subject at a time. For instance, I have spent my entire three-day weekend so far sitting mostly in front of my computer, obsessively reading various websites. I mainly get hung up on reading things, to find out as much as possible about a topic that's caught my attention. The internet is NOT GOOD. Haha. It's much more addictive than my old New World Encyclopedias. I thought the domination of the family aspect was more because I am an only child, and, therefore, over-indulged.

"movements such as flapping or twisting, and complex whole-body movements; typically repeated in longer bursts and look more voluntary or ritualistic"

Check. My stepmother has been irritated since I was about eight with my habit of twirling my hair around my fingers at all times, absent-mindedly. I even caught myself doing it the other day while driving. It is not a sympton of nervousness, either. I do it when I am most relaxed, actually; or when I'm "thinking".

"abnormalities include verbosity; abrupt transitions; literal interpretations and miscomprehension of nuance; use of metaphor meaningful only to the speaker; auditory perception deficits; unusually pedantic, formal or idiosyncratic speech; and oddities in loudness, pitch, intonation, prosody, and rhythm"

Um, check. Totally guilty. Especially in regards to verbosity (look at this post! me! me! me!), metaphor meaningful only to the speaker, and and abrupt transitions. Friends often comment on all these.

"may have an unusually sophisticated vocabulary at a young age and have been colloquially called 'little professors'"

Check. I thought I was just smart. :( Haha.

"often demonstrate enhanced perception of small changes in patterns such as arrangements of objects or well-known images"

Check. I am very visually observant, and used to move the desks around in grammar school classrooms so that they stayed "in the right place" - which, for me, included at perfect right angles with the wall.

"may exhibit synesthesia, for example, a smell may trigger perception of color"

Check. Yes!!! I just discovered what this was a few years ago, and I hadn't really thought of it before; I don't know if I thought everyone experienced it, or if I was a freak. Anyway, I've always associated letters and numbers with colors, specifically. I used to lecture the other little kids in first grade about how they were filling in the letters in their coloring books with the wrong crayon. It seemed self evident to me that, E, for instance, was blue. :eyes:

"an odd or bouncy gait or posture"

Check. I don't tend to exhibit any poor motor skills (I was actually a gymnast), although I have noticed the older I get, the more I run into things, though I just think that's normal (and a symptom of having wider hips than I have cognitively accepted ;) ). But people often comment on my "bouncy" walk. I hadn't noticed this until it was pointed out as an adult.

"likely to have sleep problems, including difficulty in falling asleep, frequent nocturnal awakenings, and early morning awakenings"

Check. This has gotten more pronounced with age. Maybe that's why I feel like I need more sleep than I "should" - I am always tired.

Interesting.

:hi:

[clyrc]

30. I was sceptical, too, until I read the book

and my whole life was laid out in front of me. Funnily enough, when my daughter's teachers were saying she had Asperger's, I was thinking oh no, she's just too much like me, and I certainly don't have AS. HA!

[Midlodemocrat]

41. After spending years testing children for ADD and other Autism spectrum disorders.

I am convinced that everyone alive falls on the spectrum someplace. Don't think of yourself as a freak. Just be happy that you are one of the few who is willing to admit it.

[DS1]

43. Aspie

seems like the new fad to blame everything on, to me.