I'm really sorry about these posts.....

[LeftyFingerPop]

But I am sitting here drinking and worried shitless about someone.

So, this person knows I am worried.

And this person does not answer the phone.

So I am left to wonder, and worry, and worry, and worry.

And I am alone, and stressed and worried.

And the phone is not being answered.

And there is not one goddamn thing I can do about it.

Powerless.

And helpless.

Why do we hurt each other so?

I don't get it.

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. I couldn't save my husband...

and we cannot save he world.

[LeftyFingerPop]

2. I have love for this person....

I am a good man...and I am left to worry. It's killin' me.

I'm so sorry Mrs G.

[ScreamingMeemie]

4. It kills me every moment of every day philboy,

for I thought I was a good enough woman. And now I question whether I am even strong enough.

[khashka]

7. You are a good enough woman MrsG

but we can't always control everything. And sometimes we end up being hurt because we can't. There was nothing more you could do but love him. And you did and do. Don't beat yourself up, damn it, or I'll have to come over there and slap you!

I had several lovers die or kill themselves. For several years I refused to love anyone because everyone I loved died. And I blamed myself. And if I didn't love someone, they wouldn't die. But you have to get over that kind of thinking.

And many times you told us how much you loved him - I can't imagine you'ld tell a bunch of strangers and him not know that you loved him so much. But grief takes time....

Khash.

[Fran Kubelik]

10. you only have to be strong enough for today

Deal with tomorrow tomorrow. I think you're strong enough. :hug:

[khashka]

13. She's strong enough

even if somedays she feels she isn't. And she's got WannaB and BabyG to help shore her up. It's the grief speaking. And she seems to be doing a lot better these days. She'll get through it OK, I have faith in her.

Khash.

[SPKrazy]

5. We can't save the world

and you are a good enough woman... know that, okay?

:hug:

we can't save the world

we can save ourselves... we can support those around us, but ultimately they are, like us, only able to save themselves.

:hug: I know you are a good person as you have helped me at times when I needed it and it was/is greatly appreciated.

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. ...and your concern is appreciated more than you know...

I just never thought this...you know?

:hug: and love

[SPKrazy]

9. Who would think it...

I don't think anyone would.

you mean the world to your kids... you mean something to me and I don't know you except that you care-that you reach out to others... and you are a good woman...life isn't fair... I pray for mercy not justice in this world... I don't know how to tell you not to blame you other than to say don't blame you... you are a good person in this world, that is rare enough to warrant its recognition.

:hug: :hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

3. .

[khashka]

8. Don't apologize

You've been going through a really rough time. And we understand you need to talk about it and that's what we're here for :)

Khash.

[LeftyFingerPop]

11. Khash...

I appreciate you, but it seems like I have been going through a tough time my whole fucking life. My dad died when I was 11, and I spent my entire teen years staring at a closed bed room door for months as my mom battled depression.

I'm getting old, and I'm getting tired.

Khash, you seem like a good person.

[khashka]

12. My life hasn't been a bed of roses

Molested as a child, brutally raped when I was 17, gay bashed (was the recent one the 3rd or 4th?), dealing with my mother's bout with alcoholism, having MS, chronic depression and suicidal impulses since childhood, having several lovers kill themselves one I held in my arms while he died, holding my little sister while she died. But you can't focus on shit like that.

And it's a fact that when you are as down and stressed as you are that the bad memories are much clearer than the good ones. Give it a little time and if it doesn't go away get help.

I tell myself "I don't have to kill myself today, I can always do it tomorrow." It's worked for years.

Just hold on, things change.

Khash.