An explanation, a humble apology, and a picture.

[LeftyFingerPop]

This is a picture of what I looked like when I woke up this morning:



Well, I pitched a good one in here last night after a very emotional day.

One of my PUI posts stated that I took 6 Vicodins and has 10 beers. The part about the 10 beers appears to be entirely accurate. I went back and counted my Vicodins, and it appears that I did not take 6...the number is probably 3 or 4...and probably half of those were taken several hours before I popped a beer. They were taken to alleviate severe arm pain while yanking bushes out of the ground yesterday afternoon. So, while my behavior was certainly high risk, it was not as dire as I stated.

I felt horrible after reading my posts in the clear light of day, because I think that I gave the impression that my mental state was pushing me toward a suicide attempt.

This is what I wish to apologize for. I am sorry that I gave that impression. I was really quite overcome with the concern shown by the people here, and I apologize from my heart if I caused any worry. I was not suicidal, just depressed. Today is another day, and some issues have mended themselves already.

Thank you for your caring.

[BarenakedLady]

1. Thank you for posting.

I was worried. I hope things get better for you.

:hug:

[zingaro]

2. I'm glad you're feeling better.

I hope it's the important issues that have mended themselves and not just the arm pain. :hug:

[TZ]

3. I went to bed early and missed most of your posts...

But I did see them this morning and was pretty concerned...I didn't post anything cause I wasn't sure you'd see it.
Feel better and please try not to mix meds and alcohol like that..I did it recently you might remember (on a much smalller scale) so I can imagine what you felt like...:hug: :hug:

[Parche]

4. Hugs And Pubes

:hug: :hug: :hi:

[DarkTirade]

5. Glad you're okay.

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

6. ....

:hug:


glad your feeling a "little" better today



lost

:hi:

[grasswire]

7. got a headache?

Please take care of yourself today. Eat. Hydrate.

[KitchenWitch]

8. Thank you for posting this.

I really do care and it was hard for me to read your posts. I nearly put you on ignore, not because I do not like you, but because I DO like you and could not stand watching you hurt yourself.

[swag]

9. Sometimes I need one of those breathalyzer switches on my keyboard to prevent me

from posting in such a state.

Hope you're doing okay.

[khashka]

10. Glad to hear you are feeling better

We were worried. And we all have bad days. (Whenever I say that I always think of the movie where Sissy Spaceck tries to hang herself and when asked why she says "oh, I was just haveing a bad day".)

I'm with KW, I almost put you ignore, too. Because I couldn't stand watching the emotional meltdown and you hurting yourself. Get the message? We like you.

Khash.

[SarahB]

11. No one is doing you any favors by virtual hugs now.

You still need help. I seriously hope you get it. Placating someone in such an emotional state does nothing but reinforce the behavior. I hope enough of us have given you the hard alarms you NEED to take some positive steps in your life to change things. Is it working how it is? Do you want to be in the same place six months from now? A year from now? Or are you ready to take some concrete steps and hard work to make your life far better than any empty "hugs" you can get from a message board?

You either have habituated yourself to these substances (still at risk for severe liver damage with the huge quantity of Tylenol no matter how much your body is used to narcs and alcohol), you are posting seeking attention in an alarming, extremely dysfunctional way, or some combination thereof.

You can name call me all you want for this post. I'm not one to seek anyone's approval or be anyone's buddy here. I'm writing the truth and someone needs to say it. Please get help from a qualified medical professional. We are not qualified to help you.

In the future, if I see you post something similar as your posts last night (I have noticed similar posts like those in the past as well), I will consider linking this post. Otherwise, I've said my piece.

[Flaxbee]

12. Glad you're OK, philboy

...and I think a song goes something to the effect that whatever it takes to get you through the night is alright. I hope you don't take that many Vicodin again, or drink that much in one sitting, but you just seemed to be suffering some severe mental anguish, and if you had to spew it here, amongst friends, that's fine with me. Just take care of yourself, and hang in there.

I'm glad to hear some issues are already on the mend.

:hug:


edited to add, as the daughter of a psychiatrist, and after reading SarahBelle's post, I do agree you might get some relief talking to someone...

[puerco-bellies]

13. No worries bro.

My two cents is that you are your own best friend, it's just like any other friendship. It has to be cultivated.
Regards,
pb

[Fire Walk With Me]

14. Because we care, no apology is necessary.

All we wish is that you are well.

[greenbriar]

15. I am so glad you are okay

I was worried about you

[NMDemDist2]

16. thanks for the update

I was a bit worried

:pals:

[hippywife]

17. Glad you're feeling better today

and that some of the issues eating at you have resolved themselves.

Now to the important question: How's yer ma today? Hmmm?

:hug:

[bigwillq]

18. Will you please get some help, though?

It seems like I've read a few posts that sounded like you were very depressed and very intoxicated recently.

Just worried about you. I've had a few friends who had similar behavior; some turned out ok, some did not.

I am not perfect...I drink 4-5 days a week, and I dabbled in drugs in the past but I never had depression (aside from a few panic attacks) associated with my drinking and drug use.

Just looking at for you. Sorry to be all preachy but I've seen the really bad side of addiction and depression. And it's never pretty.

[Bullwinkle925]

19. Hey Sweetie . . .

I'm glad that I wasn't around to read the post(s)?
I'm also glad that you're doing a bit better now.

Keep your chin up . . .
something I'm trying to do as well. Aint necessarily an easy thing to do, however.