What do you do when your friends invite you to do stuff you can't afford?

[Connonym]

This is one of the worst parts about being broke. I've been saying no to social stuff because I can't afford to go to the same kinds of places that I used to be able to afford. A couple times my friends have footed the bill and that makes me feel really guilty because I can't afford to return the favor -- even buying a round of drinks is sort of above my budget. Is it possible to be broke and still have a social life? -- or to do so with people who aren't also broke?

[Dangerously Amused]

1. All I can think of to suggest is

...to keep an eye out for free entertainment and invite them to accompany you to that, or when they ask you to something you can't afford you can say "Oh, I can't make it to that but I'd love to spend time with you. Can you make it to (insert free entertainment venue here)?"

[Lydia Leftcoast]

2. I second that

Now that summer is coming, there are bound to be free outdoor concerts and fairs and the like. Or just suggest a hike or picnic or an evening at home watching movies or listening to music. (I've been broke in my day.)

[zanne]

13. "Do you want to go out to the woods and collect pine cones with me"?

I actually said that once. No takers.

[Dangerously Amused]

21. See, your mistake there

...was in not asking me to join you. I love to do that kind of stuff!

[Skittles]

3. you politely decline and wish them lots of fun

but try not to feel so bad about accepting the generosity of others - I often cover for less fortunate friends and coworkers and it does not bother me a bit

[harmonicon]

4. tell them that you can't afford it

That's what I do. I'm less poor now than I've ever been, but I've had lots of time being completely dirt poor, which was ok, because most of my friends were too. The only thing that I've bothered me was when people (especially my girlfriend - what a jerk :P) would act like I was being cheap when I wouldn't go do some activity that involved spending money. I spent a lot of time hanging out at coffee shops (a lot cheaper than a bar, but still involved socializing with friends), or renting videos and watching them with friends.... having potlucks, etc.

[struggle4progress]

5. I whip out a gun, demand their wallets, grab their cash, and say "OK! But I'm payin!"

[zanne]

14. HAH! Perfect. nt

[Finn Polke]

6. Have sex with them

In circles of friends there is usually be one or more persons who've always wanted to get laid with you---this might be a good time to consider such an alternative. Sure beats delivering newspapers.

[redqueen]

19. ...

:rofl:

Love the sig. :hi:

[Finn Polke]

24. Oh, hi

Redqueen, huh? Got to be an interesting story behind that name. Thank you, pleased to meet you. :)

[tjwmason]

7. If they're close friends

let them know why. Don't feel guilty about accepting if they want to foot the bill - I've paid for friends more than once, and would happily do so again the value of having a given friend at a social event far outweighs the financial cost of paying for them. Friendship isn't about giving and receiving the same amounts.

Give what you can in return - it may not seem much, but that's not a reflection of its true value.

[khashka]

8. Be honest

Tell them you can't afford it, if they offer to pay tell them you can't pay them back or reciprocate at the same level. If they still wanna pay then let them. Obviously, they want you there with them. And there are lots of cheap or free things you can do so you can hang out together and have a good time which you can invite them to do. The point is the friendship, not where you go or what you do. Just so long as they know the score.


Khash.

[zanne]

15. Sounds like me and my sister.

She knows about my financial situation and she'd give me the shirt off her back if I let her. It just makes me feel so bad that I can't enjoy myself. Even when I have a little money to spend, she'll spend less herself out of sympathy and that's no fun for her.

[khashka]

17. Don't feel bad

She loves you and wants to be with you. Read tjwmason's post. It ain't about the money, it's about the relationship. And I'd say she spends less not out of sympathy but empathy - she doesn't want to show you up or make you feel bad, so she doesn't go beyond what you can afford even if she could. Cool sister.

Khash.

[zanne]

20. Thanks, khashka. And yes, she is a cool sister! nt

[Forkboy]

9. That happens to me a lot.

My friends always go places and do things and I have to pass for just that reason. It sucks. We still sit around and hangout sometimes, but if they even want to order a pizza or something I can't chip in, so I usually just end up leaving or something and let them do their thing.

[BarenakedLady]

10. Friends?

Invite?

Do stuff?

:cry:


No advice (obviously), but I'm sorry you find yourself in that position. Maybe host a get-together at your house?

[NJmaverick]

11. I would suggest talking to your friends about this

pretty much the same way you are talking to us about it. If they are true friends they will understand and help.

[huskerlaw]

12. I'm often in the opposite situation...

not that I'm rich, by any means, but many of my friends are still students, so they're pretty poor.

If they can't afford something, they just tell me. If I *really* want to go, I'll pay for them to go too. Otherwise, we find something else to do.

You should never feel pressured to spend money you don't have on things you don't want to just to be around your friends. They shouldn't put you in that situation. But unless you tell them, they simply may be assuming that your financial situation is better than it is since these are things you used to be able to spend money on with no problems.

[jobycom]

16. Tell them you can't afford it, suggest a cheaper alternative.

You run the risk of them not inviting you anymore, though, either because they don't want to embarrass you or because they feel you are holding them back.

Another option is to say you'll tag along, but can't afford to take part. It all depends on what they are planning. If it's going to a bar for drinks, tag along but don't drink, and make it clear from the start that you aren't drinking or buying. Do it in a lighthearted way. "I can't afford to get drunk like you rich folk." (or whatever fits your personality). Or if it's a multi-stage plan, tell them you'll go along for part of it. "I'd love to hit a couple of clubs with you, but I'm too broke to go to X. We can meet up after that." If you are closer to one of the group than to the rest, confide in the closest friend, so he can tell the rest of the group that you aren't paying because you aren't doing.

If they are friends, they'll understand. It would be good at some point for you to contribute what you can, though, just once in a while, so you don't look like a mooch. If they know your situation, they may even refuse to let you.

Finally, be the instigator now and then. Don't let them do all the planning and inviting. Invite them to your place to watch a movie or game or hang out, or whatever. Invite them out to places you can afford. That way you seem more a part of the group, less an afterthought.

Been there. Still there. My close friends don't judge me by my economic status, and I insult them when I assume they do. If they invite me, and I am embarrassed that I don't have the money to hang out with them, I insult them by assuming they will look down on me. They know my situation. They invited me anyway. That's a high compliment, a strong sign of friendship.

[datasuspect]

18. i just mooch off of them

and hit them back when i am up.

[yellowdogintexas]

22. so all the other answers are good. here are ways to reciprocate not expensively

invite to hang out in the local park/dog park, etc for an afternoon with picnic goodies, even if it is PBJ and water.
invite them over for popcorn and whatever is on TV or a movie you own or a movie they have that you want to see.
invite them for a meal if you like to cook

when you are flush again you can do the other things.

around here there is Botanic Garden (free) Dog Park Free Sundance Square (free and there are 2 Starbucks and many other patio places.

Instead of buying a round of drinks, order an appetizer for all to share, most likely will be much cheaper than a round of drinks.

with good friends it is the hanging out that is the best part anyway

when I had no money, I used to take my daughter and her little friends to the barns at Will Rogers when there was an equestrian event. Free admission, a whole day wandering around petting horses and dogs and seeing little equestrian contests. These girls loved horses so it was a cheap day. We would stop at McD's on the way and get the biggest iced teas or sodas we could so we could stay hydrated because it was invariably HOT

hey window shopping in the Mall can be a blast when you are with the right people.

have them over to play cards or a game you all enjoy. popcorn is cheap

[undeterred]

23. Tell them where you're coming from.

My best times are walking my dog in the woods with friends, and other than the gas to get there it doesn't cost anything. Suggest doing things that are low cost or free. People don't realize it until you spell it out sometimes.