My evil neighbors have left for a week. What can I do while they are gone?

[begin_within]

A partial list of things they have done to me or other neighbors:

1. Their dog attacked the neighbors' 15 year old cat while he was just sitting on his own front porch. $1800 vet bill and the dog's owner, the evil neighbor, never paid the cat's owner for it.

2. Their daughter and her goth friends had a party and fire in the fire pit in their backyard, and one of them threw a burning piece of wood over the fence into our backyard, which I did not discover until the next morning - still smoldering.

3. Their son and his druggie friends have loud parties in the backyard when the mother isn't home (the parents are divorced and only the mother still lives there). It doesn't matter what day of the week it is, they still have loud parties and there is the distinct smell of pot smoke coming from the backyard. The son got arrested for selling drugs at his own high school in his senior year, but somehow (probably because both of his parents are lawyers) escaped any significant jail time. His lifestyle appears to have not changed one bit.

4. They are always putting their own trash in our trash container, if theirs is too full. At the age of 15 the son was putting empty Corona beer bottles in our trash so his mother wouldn't see them. Just today I see a floor mat and a couple of Starbucks cups in our trash container - and a long trail of dried coffee on the sidewalk and down our driveway - I am sure they did that on purpose.

5. The son was masturbating loudly in the backyard at 4 a.m. last summer, while the mother and daughters were waiting in the kitchen - all of them upset.

6. They often park their cars in front of our house, for days at a time - even cars that are their friends' who are on trips or whatever. I happened to come across a parking cop on the main street a couple blocks away from our house the other day, and reported one car that had been parked in front of our house for 10 days. He took down the address, and when I came home later in the day, the car had been moved to in front of their house. Of course she confronted me about it, but I (truthfully) told her to her face that I DID NOT CALL the cops on the car.

These are just a few of the highlights of the many idiotic things this sociopathic family has done over the last 15 years. Now they have all left for one week. Any suggestions?

[MrScorpio]

1. Have the house moved

That'll be fun

[begin_within]

4. If I had the money, you bet I would in a minute.

[lizerdbits]

2. Wow, and I thought my noisy neighbors were bad.

I can only relate to the any day of the week noise in the middle of the night. Hard to think of something to send them a message that's not illegal.

When they come back you could masturbate loudly in your back yard. Even better, have a partner with whips and chains and anything that makes lots of noise.

[begin_within]

3. I have even accidentally seen the mother getting ****ed in her kitchen

my bathroom faces their kitchen, and our house is on slightly higher ground, so I have a view into their kitchen. Usually I ignore them completely, in fact there is a fig tree which blocks the view in the summer, but it is bare in the winter. One evening as I went to use the bathroom, I walked in and their she was, standing with her hands on the stove, and her then-boyfriend standing behind her, going at it. I never mentioned it to them of course. Come to think of it, last year I did see the daughter kissing rather passionately her female friend in the same kitchen, but I've never mentioned that either.

[lizerdbits]

7. Repeatedly put ads for curtains/blinds on their door

While they're gone you could put tons of them around maybe with some kind of subtle hint that you can see them. That would be hard when they're home since they would probably see you.

[begin_within]

9. If it ever happens again I'm going to have my Nikon Coolpix ready, and make up a

fake ad for curtains that says, "Don't let this happen to you!" with the photo prominently shown.

[lizerdbits]

20. Bwaahaa!

Great idea!

[begin_within]

25. Except I know she would slap a lawsuit on me just for the hell of it.

She's a former (and failed) lawyer herself. She would know of course it was me that took the picture and would sue me on that basis alone, not to mention distributing it.

[hobbit709]

5. Take pictures and leave them anonymously at their door.

Next time the kid whacks off in the yard, call the cops and report a pervert.

[begin_within]

6. OK, pictures of what?

[hobbit709]

8. Next time you see them making out, etc.

[begin_within]

10. I'll be ready this time - I have a Nikon Coolpix now. I just have to make sure the flash is off...

[KG]

11. burn down the house

seriously.

[begin_within]

14. That may well happen naturally, since

we all live on the edge of a canyon in fire-prone San Diego, and they are the only house that has done nothing in the way of trimming the brush on their property. If a fire comes up this canyon, it will lead directly to their house. That will still be dangerous to our house, but at least we have done a lot of trimming and have had the eaves and other exposed wood painted with a fire-proof coating. They have done absolutely nothing in the way of fire protection, so they would probably be the first house to go, if a fire ever does come up.

[Whoa_Nelly]

12. You need one of these in your yard

[begin_within]

15. funny!

[femmocrat]

13. I feel for you!

We had dreadful neighbors for 17 years (no where near as bad as yours, though!). I spent way too much time thinking about them, watching them, reporting them and getting nowhere, even video-taping them. We put up a privacy fence and I planted a lot of trees and bushes to block the view. We also got new windows, blackout shades, and central AC, which helped a lot to seal out the sounds and smells. The day they moved was one of the happiest of my life. The trees are big now and I can't even see the new neighbors.

In retrospect, I wish I had just quit obsessing over them and ignored them. I don't even know what the new neighbors look like!

[begin_within]

16. I would love to be able to block them out of my mind, and I try to avoid any contact

with them, but these things happen on a regular basis that are impossible to ignore, even if we are in our house or or own backyard. I have been trying to ignore her completely, but she comes stampeding up and rings our doorbell if anything happens that ticks her off (of course I play innocent each time, even though several times it was me that did something to get her mad). I have tried to pretend in my mind that they don't exist, while they seem to have no problem believing that nobody exists in the world except them.

[femmocrat]

18. I know, it's really hard.

We even had the State Police here once.... and the officer ordered both of us to ignore each other. I got call-blocker and I did everything I could humanly do to obliterate them from my daily life.

With a-holes like these, you will never win. It isn't worth the time or aggravation to try to "get even" with them. Truly. For some reason, these kinds of people get away with it all and you will drive yourself crazy trying to get revenge.

Just offering you the benefits of my experiences... Eventually the situation will improve. Kids grow up and leave home, people move away. Get a restraining order if you can't keep her away from your front door. Believe me, don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they are getting to you. They will just enjoy it.

Good luck, my friend.

[begin_within]

22. Thanks

That's exactly where they are now, visiting different colleges. Maybe when all the kids have moved out, the mother won't want to be in the house by herself, and she'll sell the house - if the housing market improves here.

[Zuiderelle]

17. Re. Number 5.

:wtf:

[jakefrep]

19. Saran-wrap their toilets and short-sheet the beds...

Failing that, three words - Flaming Fudge Bags.

[begin_within]

23. You know, what I would really love is for them to think their house is haunted.

I'd love to install an elaborate sound system that is radio-controlled (from my house, which is only abou 12 feet away). Have sudden blood-curdling screams in the middle of the night, that they don't know where they are coming from, random appearances in the windows of their dead grandmother, things like that.

[blockhead]

21. using eight foot letters,

write "Assholes" on their lawn with fertilizer. Make sure you use enough so it burns the grass. They will eventually see it.:evilgrin:

[begin_within]

24. Sounds great.

Though they would know it was me, that's the only problem. I want to do things that will make them want to leave the house forever, but things that can't be associated with me.

[MorningGlow]

26. zOMG, you win a prize

And you have my deepest sympathy--and empathy. I wish I had a suggestion for you, but we've got asshole neighbors of our own, and we haven't been able to get rid of them yet. They're kind of like low-rent versions of yours--divorced dad and three kids, all low-lifes.

Guy still thinks he's cool wearing tie-dyes and being a Deadhead. The kicker is he's not--he's just a pothead who sleeps till noon and doesn't do much to raise his kids. And I do like the Dead, but not blasting from his front windows while he blah-blahs on the front porch with his "buds" while my kid is trying to sleep--he's got this really weird baritone (odd for such a skinny guy) that penetrates even closed windows. I hate it when he gets a large stash; then we're guaranteed billowing pot stink throughout our house every Friday night till it's gone. (I swear he's got a fan that blows the smoke straight at our house.)

The house is the one he grew up in, still owned by his parents, so he lives there rent free. The place is a wreck, as is the yard (and features, among other things, two rusted-out gas grills, two half-running cars with loud mufflers of course, plastic on half the windows and insulation stuffed in the others, a ladder that's been leaning up against the house for going on a year and a half now, and three years' worth of dead Christmas trees, one still in the stand).

His kids run all over our yard, including up on our back deck and right under our front windows. Granted, his yard isn't very big, but dude needs to teach the spawn about boundaries. Of course, he doesn't. Oh--and their cat poops in my flower beds.

Anyway, because he lives there rent free, I can't imagine anything that would get him to move, which is depressing. We put up a stockade fence which seems to have gotten the message across to the spawn to stay the hell out of our yard, but because their little brains are fried from too much second-hand pot smoke, they'll forget soon enough and we'll find them in our yard again, trampling our meager gardens. I don't think I'll be able to hold hubby back once that happens--he's on the verge of murdering them all as it is.

If you figure out a sure-fire way of getting rid of people like this, please let me know. I'll want to try it too. Good luck... :hi:

[begin_within]

27. You ought to put up a sign out front that says "Free Marijuana Smoke Party"

and invite anyone to come in and get a free high from their smoke - even cops if they are interested. It's not your pot, you're not in possession of it, so there's no risk to you.

[MorningGlow]

29. ROFL!

Dude has to have a reputation already. This is a VERY small town and everybody has grown up together (except us--we moved here a couple of years ago). Last summer this idiot suddenly had three 14-year-old boys hanging around his house for days on end. I thought they were interested in the oldest daughter, who is 13 (I think), but no. They were interested in scoring some weed. I don't know if they ever got any off him or not. I think not, as they stopped coming around after that several-day vigil and we haven't seen them since.

Mr. MG hates these neighbors so much that he is poised to hit 911 the next time dude lights up. I don't know if our local Barney Fifes would bother responding though--after all, "it's just that ol' pothead...yeah, he was a wastoid when we were in school together...looks like things haven't changed, huh? (chuckle chuckle)" :eyes:

We were hoping he'd get nailed a couple of winters ago, when we suspected him of dealing. He was getting into his car and driving off literally every 20 minutes to half an hour, and he'd come back within five minutes. Couldn't have been a beer run--there's a convenience store at the end of our block.

Thank the gods for our nice neighbors on the other side of us and across the street.

[ikojo]

28. Call a real estate agent and act like you are your neighbors

Tell said real estate agent you want to sell the house.

or...this might be simpler....find a for sale sign and put it in their yard.

[Breeze54]

30. Relax and count your blessings. n/t

[graywarrior]

31. Hide rotten eggs under their porch

[begin_within]

42. That would make their house smell better.

Years ago, when I was catsitting for her once, she used to leave open cans of cat food on the counter, unrefrigerated, and thought that was OK.

[kentauros]

43. Not sure if you can get any

but butyric acid is supposed to smell like baby vomit... ;)

Or get a bunch of catnip oil and/or valerian tincture and spread it all around. The neighborhood cats should love their place then (and all that comes with that.)

[kentauros]

32. Mow their lawn, realllllllly short.

Make sure there are plenty of bald spots. Trim their bushes, badly. If they have any trees, well, leave them alone; we need all the trees we can get :)

When they come around asking who vandalized their lawn, say you saw one of those lawn-care trucks, you know? with the trailer of mowers and equipment? You tried to tell them they had the wrong house, but there was "a breakdown in communication" (I don't think I need to explain that part.) Go take a photo of such a truck and trailer, making sure you don't get the license plate on the front and not enough of the lawn they are parked next to for them to realize it's a fake. Hand over the license number of one of your neighbor's vehicles as proof that you were just trying to help. When it is noticed that you gave them one of their plate-numbers, point out that you must have gotten it mixed up. If the subject comes up as to why you have one of their vehicle license numbers, just say that it's for any time in the future when one of them parks in your driveway or in front of it (like blocking it) or on your lawn, so the wrecker drivers know not to take your own vehicle by mistake.

If they have any outdoor electric outlets, "borrow" their electricity for the week. Do the same with their water

If they have a/c, jam a stick or a piece of rebar into the outdoor unit while it's off, so that when it kicks in, the fan-motor burns out, then the whole unit burns out. That should only take a day, so you can remove the evidence long before they return home.

Penny all their doors jammed shut.

[mwooldri]

33. Did you go to university/college? If so I bet you were a good prankster.

The worst I got was toilet paper mushies out of a 11th floor window.

But with neighbours like that... well all the above sounds tempting.

Here's to growing a good number of lleylandii between them and us in the meantime.

Mark.

[kentauros]

34. Well, I did go to college and university, but never lived in a dorm.

However, my brothers and some of my best friends did and heard all about their pranks. (I stayed at home, took drafting and graphics classes, went out on weekends with my father's old '69 Chevy pickup with all my highschool-band buddies and we would take the appliances from illegal dumps and toss them out the back of the truck at 50+mph, recording on film and audiotape :P)

Hmm, on the idea of growing various unwanted plants, see about getting either some majorly invasive plants, like mint, or plant some poison ivy for them to find later. Either that, or plant some "hempseeds" in the back and turn them in when you see (and photograph) them growing there

Do a good deed for them. Paint/seal their driveway.... with Teflon paint/sealant

The toiletpaper mushies sound...odd, but typical of some students' imaginations. I remember one friend that went to Rice University (Houston's idea of an Ivy League university) and he lived in one of the dorms for engineering students. They had a favorite of taking creampuffs, sticking an M80 (heavy-duty firecracker) inside, lighting and dropping from about the 6th floor and trying to get the timing right for making a spherical explosion. He didn't mention the number they went through to get such results or what kind of mess they made. The other "device" sometimes used was the medical-tubing-with-a-funnel slingshot, using frozen grapes as ammo :P

[begin_within]

35. Great ideas... I am actually going to do some "gardening," for example,

Roundup on all their most prized plants (will take a week or two to kill the plant, then can't really be connected to me). Sowing bermuda grass seeds in their flower beds (once it is established they will never ever be able to eradicate it). Also last year I threw lots of brown sugar into their backyard to keep the ant population happy, and I am planning to introduce any cockroaches I find on my property into a new home, right next door. I also recently goofed and put birdseed right on their car that was parked for 10 days in front of my house, she saw it and called me on it furiously (I acted so innocent and offered my hose to wash it off, and inspected my own car to see if any had been put on mine). But now that they have gone I have put a lot more bird seed around, but not right on the car - hopefully the birds will come and eat and also go to the bathroom.

[kentauros]

36. Although I can't advocate using chemicals (I prefer organic gardening)

the Bermuda grass seeds sound perfect! :)

You might invite some friends over for your own loud and obnoxious party sometime, like Survival Research Labs ;)

[begin_within]

37. Thanks for the link... that's my kind of show!

[kentauros]

38. You're welcome :)

You could also act like you've gone batshit crazy on them and become a mad scientist. Build a large-scale Tesla coil or some of the weirder things over here: RexResearch.

[begin_within]

41. I really wish I could somehow cause weird phenomena inside their house, so that they

would get spooked and move out. I wish there were ways I could control it by remote from inside our house, to make disturbing sounds and visions appear inside their house with no explanation.

[Robeson]

39. Put your house on the market. Sell it while it still may have some value.

[NNadir]

40. Oh shit. I thought I had it bad with a neighbor who is merely schizophrenic.

My neighbor does things like complain that a squirrel brought a walnut from my black walnut tree that stained her sidewalk - requiring her to clean it with a toothbrush - but damn, now I feel lucky.

[NJmaverick]

44. What you need to do is stand up for yourself

You and the police need to become more familiar with one another. You should be calling them regularly. If they confront you about them, stand you ground and proundly tell them you did it. Tell them you are unhappy with their rude and inconsiderate behavior and serve notice that it will no longer be tolerated.


Then get some weed killer and spell out something like

"Home of the dicks"

in their front lawn. O8)

[begin_within]

51. Thanks - I did call the police last time they had a backyard party, I waited until 10:30 to

call, and about 11:30 a police car drove down the street, paused in front of the wrong house, then drove away.

[AngryAmish]

45. Go Punic on them

Sow salt into their yard.

[Bake]

46. Moles in the yard.

Termites. "Import" anything nasty and introduce them into the neighbors' yard/house. I did kinda like the "Assholes" in big letters burned into their grass. That was creative.

Fill balloons with paint and throw them at the siding. On the roof. Etc.

Bake

[begin_within]

50. Any cockroaches I find, I'm escorting them over to their yard. And I'm throwing

brown sugar over the fence to help keep the ants happy. I bet their house is termite-ridden already, it's almost as old as ours, and I think has not been treated for termites in at least 30 years. (We just had our house fumigated last month). I am also going to put bermuda grass seeds in their flower beds - once that gets established it is impossible to get rid of, unless you remove the entire bed, soil and all. Also I have put plenty of bird seed out around their cars that are parked there (will sweep it away in a few days). Today I bought 2 bags of manure to keep handy in case they try to have one of their backyard revelries again - will be a good time to feed the lawn with it.

[Bunny]

47. Masturbating loudly?

:wtf:

[begin_within]

49. What woke me up was a loud "uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh..." at 4 am.

My bedroom window faces their backyard, and at first I thought he was out there with his girlfriend, but his whole family was at home, so I didn't get it. I peeked out the window just as he was finishing and he went into the kitchen and started arguing with his mother, saying something like, "A 15 year old girl shouldn't be spying on her 17 year old brother!" or something like that.

[Courtesy Flush]

48. Don't vandalize their property!!!

I hope these guys are kidding about that.

But here's something you might want to consider next time they get near your garbage can...

http://uncutvideo.aol.com/videos/b239d15801581bdf32a56daf12648241

[begin_within]

53. Thanks. I am thinking more along the lines of "enhancing" their property,

by introducing more flora and fauna. (Birds that give big droppings, ants, cockroaches, weeds, etc.) Making it more "natural" and "eco-friendly."

[Iggo]

52. Mow their lawn...

...and paint their front door.

[texas1928]

54. Get a universal remote, and set it for their TV.

Then change their channels while they are watching.

Or use grass killer and write YOU SUCK in the front and back lawns.

[begin_within]

55. Hey, I like that.

[Wcross]

56. Douse their pilot light, turn on the gas & seal up their house tight!

First person who lights up a cigarette solves your problems.

[amitten]

57. Please explain #5. It's wigging me out. n/t

[XemaSab]

58. I'm not a plumber so I don't know if this would work

but find the outdoor sewer cap, open it, and pour some cement into it.

First person to flush the john wins a PRIZE. :D