what should I do?

[harmonicon]

Poll question: what should I do?

I feel that I'm in a bit of a bind, possibly of my own making, in part.

[harmonicon]

1. hmm.... damn...

with only one response, I was golden. Now I have to make decisions. Come on, people!! I can't do things for myself!! That should be clear by now.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. aim low, shoot high --

set goals but, don't set them in cement. good luck.

[harmonicon]

3. but I don't even know what my goals should be

My main goal right now is not to land myself in a hospital, try to sleep at night, and to find some way - other than drinking if possible - to make the pain go away.

However, if there's a potential for actual happiness, as opposed to drunkenness, I would hate to pass it up out of shyness or stubbornness. I just don't want to be even further hurt or to cause further hurt to others.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

5. that is fine. those goals are fine for now.

tomorrow, of course, may lend itself to the setting of new goals. Try to stay open to the possiblity of happiness...perhaps, one step at a time be aware of the need to let go little by little of shyness and stubborness.

about Hurt...sorry, dude. no way to avoid that one...if there is it is to avoid life itself.

If someone knows better then I want to hear it.

[harmonicon]

7. that's why I have been avoiding life

but I have to jump back in sometime.... I think maybe it was this past few days, whether I like it or not. In a weird way, a lot of shit has happened in the last month, but it seemed to exist in a sort of dream land. For instance, the widow of a dear friend of mine was in town. I hadn't seen her since before my friend died. It was strange and emotional, but it was also great to see someone who had been a not-too-close friend on new terms. I also saw other old friends, and made some new ones. All while trying to avoid life.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. before you know it...

you will be old and will never have lived...do not be scared to be afraid. :hug:

[harmonicon]

9. good advice

thanks

[GoddessOfGuinness]

4. A combination of B & C

It sounds as if you need a plan. Once you start to implement the elements of your plan, try to not worry too much and take things day by day.

Most "binds" are of our own making...often they are the result of avoiding something which requires attention. It's our negative attitude toward change that creates the bond.

I hope things go better for you soon!

:hug::hug::hug:

[harmonicon]

6. shit.... that's actually helpful

"negative attitude towards change" ... I guess I hadn't thought of it that way, but that is part of what my problem is, though I haven't stated it that way for myself.

For instance, I know that I'm getting way ahead of myself, but I did start thinking today that I'd like to figure out how to live in England permanently. Doing it will be hard, but maybe that's a goal to actually consider at the back of my mind and not have to fret about in a year and a half when getting kicked out of the country is looming large in my life.

Also, now I really really really understand Charlie Brown. God created little red haired girls to destroy souls.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

16. If you really want to stay, I'm sure you can find a way...

Changing your permanent residence is much easier when you're single.

I'm sorry about your broken heart. :hug: Here's hoping you soon meet someone to fill the empty space inside you. :beer:

[harmonicon]

17. yeah, being broken hearted sucks in a lot of ways

the little red haired girl would fill my broken heart, except that it's broken, so it won't hold her. I think hers is the same. Her favourite Doctor is John Pertwee. Mine is Tom Baker. That's a difference that could be gotten over, but other problems are much much much much bigger. There are different choices that I could make, and they all feel like really bad options.

[RandomThoughts]

10. Rational solutions require a rational system.

If the system that claims to be rational is broken, or has breeched social contract. Even if only for an individual, then non rational solutions become the only choice. Any rational action would be to work within accepted norms, and those norms, if shown to not provide a solution, become irrelevant.

Personally no rational solution has been available for me for many years, quite simply the rational decision would be to accept defeat from a (in rational terms) a bigger and stroger foe. So I am forced to transition into irrational directions to right the wrong, that reason embraced and caused.

When all posible rational routes have been considered, one must leave reason or accept defeat.

So in true irrational fashion, I have no idea what I will do, but I will continue to 'do' until past wrongs are rectified.

Hows that?

I think it is an odd feeling to know there is absolutly no rational reason to believe your goal can be reached and to still go full steam ahead to achieve it.

[harmonicon]

12. that's pretty good

It is an odd feeling. It's also all that I've done for years now. I'm kind of amazed that I am where I am now.... not in a "hooray, me!", or a "pity me" way, but just in a "what the hell?" kind of way. Some times it would be nice to have an idea of what the hell life had in store for me more than a few months out. Right now I don't even know a few months out.

Of course, if I'd gone with reason, I'd probably have some shitty job and be married and go to the movies on weekends.... instead I have.... this.

[RandomThoughts]

14. yup, just keep moving forward with a laugh.

Yea I have 'this' also, and I don't even know what 'this' is. Sort of a quantum mechanic life, every time you look at it it changes.

I have projected futures that range from such extremes it is ridiculous. Not a clue what tomorrow will bring, but no matter what it is,

I will be me :)

[rcrush]

11. I vote for #1

It works for me.

[harmonicon]

13. when do you know that "as long as possible" is over?

I think it might be over. I'm not sure. Maybe I could pull out another month, max.

[rcrush]

15. I do it until my money runs out.

Then I have to leave the house and get some type of job and talk to people.