Who did you know who died of AIDS? Please post their names for World AIDS day

[HamdenRice]

It was actually yesterday, apparently, but someone posted something about it in GD, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day.

I guess I was exactly the age to experience the decade of death as a young adult, from 20s to 30s -- 1985-1995 (when the drugs to combat AIDS became available). My God, if you aren't old enough to experience that, I can't begin to explain what it was like. It truly was a plague. So many friends lost.

So here are a few:

My grad school roomate, Daryl.
My law school roomate, El.
My research assistant and translator in Africa, Nyaniso.
My greatest professor (history of religion) ever, Prof. Boswell.
My childhood friends, Bret and Steven.
My mentor in non-profit work, Richard, and his partner.
My friend in grad school, Tony.
My next door apartment neighbor when I lived in Brooklyn, "Uncle" Bill.
My favorite high school teacher (English), Mr. Rifkin.

The list is endless, and these are just a few.

The loss is sometimes unbearable to think of. Especially on a day like today.

[arcadian]

1. My cousin has HIV

n/t

[HamdenRice]

2. Thank goodness he survived to these days. It used to be a death sentence

That was horrible, knowing your friends, all young people, were going to die.

[arcadian]

6. I almost for got until I read your post.

Of course he has to take a lot of meds, my sister usually gives me a report on his T-cells, lately he's been doing well.

[gabby garcia]

3. my friend Rudy

it seems like a long time ago.

[redqueen]

4. Donnie.

I'll always miss him. Never met anyone with a smile so genuine, or a disposition that was any kinder. He hated me near the end, so I never got to say goodbye. :(

[HamdenRice]

5. That's terrible that you had "unfinished business"

with him.

Sorry.

[hedgehog]

10. That is one of the curses of AIDS. It climbs into the brain sometimes

before it kills. That wasn't your friend who hated you, it was th e virus.

[hedgehog]

7. My cousin Marty, our treasure, our joy.

What do I say about the rest of his family who all died a little bit when he did (including myself)?

We're not a family that keeps track of death anniversaries, but it must have been around this time of year. I fell to my knees and screamed from the pain when he died. I thought I'd accepted his death, but I'm crying now.

We were all so ignorant then. I never met his partner, and never knew his name. When my daughter came out, the one thing I begged her was not to move away from us. Back then, my cousin moved to another city and everyone pretended not to know he was gay.

My cousin's husband. He'd been in a terrible traffic accident and received transfusion after transfusion. He died about a month after his first attack of pneumonia. I never met him since they lived so far away, but he left behind a wife and child. She is HIV positive, but the drugs have kept her alive to see her child grow up.

[LynneSin]

8. There was this really cute kid Phil, I knew him from Church Camp

Actually he was kinda geeky looking but as he grew older he got much better looking. He loved playing the trumpet since he could not play sports - Phil was also a hemophilliac. This was back during the early 80s before they did any blood screening. The guy was a major talent and now he's gone.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. Oh, goodness. I couldn't begin to list them all.

I was a regular fixture in the Village during the AIDS crisis of the 80s. So many lives cut so short.

Three stand out.

My high school friend Peter
My friend Roni's mom Val
My friend Richie.

So sad. So very sad.

:cry:

[HamdenRice]

12. I know how you feel

Once in the early 90s, I was talking to a co-worker, very upper middle class, midwesterner living in NYC and we were talking about AIDS, and he said he never knew anyone who had died of the disease.

I could have just fallen over. "Like where have you been?"

It was a catastrophe, and I just listed a few of dozens and dozens.

[Midlodemocrat]

15. It seemed as though every weekend we were hearing about

someone else who had been diagnosed with it. It was a horrible time. And the media's portrayal of it as Gay Man's disease didn't help at all.

None of the three folks I listed were gay. It affected people across the spectrum and destroyed so many families.

[Tektonik]

11. Luckily no one I know has died from AIDS, but

I did some volunteer work at an AIDS home in Vista, and it was touching to say the least.

[lost-in-nj]

13. My baby brother David

so long ago yet
it seems like yesterday....


I have 2 friends who are HIV positive but they are both doing great
with their drug cocktails.....

my brother died in 1992

and Gregory... a dear friend

lost

[Parche]

22. Gorn

:hug: :hug: :hug:


Wayne K 1990

Ron V (Air Cal/American Airlines) 1992

Steve S (my cousin from Florida) 1994?

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

:hi:

:hug:

found gorn

[La Lioness Priyanka]

23. so sorry to hear that lost.

[LeftyMom]

14. My uncle Joe.

[Bertha Venation]

16. Randy Shilts, author, journalist, died in 1994 at age 42

I didn't know him, but I always remember him.

[Heidi]

20. Me, too.

My reading "And the Band Played On" in 1988 wasn't the beginning of the death march of my first marriage, but it was a decisive nail in its coffin. By the time I read it, a few people I loved had died or were suffering as a result of AIDS, and Randy Shilts was the first author I'd read who put it all into a context for me and gave me some data with which to combat the vile invective of my ex-husband, who who ranted every time a pride parade came up on CNN and considered "the gay" a blight and punishment for sins.

Thank you for remembering Randy Shilts, warrior woman. :hug: :hug: :loveya:

[Bertha Venation]

28. Shilts also taught me about Harvey Milk, with _The Mayor of Castro Street_

I got a great education thanks to Randy Shilts.

:loveya:

[Oeditpus Rex]

38. I've never read the book, but

the film was outstanding.

I used to read Shilts in the SF Chronicle. At the time, he may have been the only newspaper reporter in the U.S. who had the "AIDS beat."

[Bertha Venation]

42. Oh, do read the book.

The movie was excellent, but can't begin to touch on the vastness of Shilts's work.

[JackBeck]

54. A few things in the book have been discredited.

Like "Patient 0", the gay flight attendant, being the initial cause of the mass spread of the virus, but for the most part, it's a definite read for anyone interested in the "early days".

[KitchenWitch]

17. My cousin, Gary

I posted a photo of his quilt panel in another thread.

[Zuiderelle]

18. Just found this youtube link of one friend of mine who passed away in 1991.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9yxFsGF6B8

RIP, Stephen, and many other great artists I knew whose lives were cut short by this horrid disease.

[Tikki]

19. Our foster daughter's husband, Clyde and our friend Donnie...

We miss you....

The Tikkis

[kwassa]

21. Steve, and Richard

Steve was one of the early ones, in about '84. He owned a frame shop, and gave me lots of framed pictures as he closed up his business, and many are on my walls, too.

Richard didn't believe in traditional medicines, was into homeopathy, and was a strict vegetarian. He made the best veggie chili I've ever eaten. His homeopathy didn't save him, though.

Dave, the brother of my ex, was also ex-boyfriends of both Steve and Richard. Dave knew he was HIV+ in '83, found his way to all the latest medicines, and is alive and well today on the drug cocktail.

[Beer Snob-50]

24. my bowling teammate rick

left a wife and child, god rest his soul.

[Dora]

25. John.

[JackBeck]

26. Just last year, Marlon.

He was a regular back in my bartending days.

Growing up, I didn't know anyone who was openly HIV+, which I blame on being raised in one of Philly's 'affluent' burbs in South Jersey.

My co-worker and I were talking about this yesterday. She grew up in the City and can't even count how many people she lost to HIV. The one she talks about the most, though, is her brother.

[MrCoffee]

27. Mark J. - 1994

Rest in peace, my friend.

[Shell Beau]

29. I don't have any that have died from it, but I have a friend that

almost died from it. He was so sickly. He weighed nothing. The nurse told him to get out of the hospital if he wanted to live. This was in the early 90's and AIDS was still very taboo and so was being gay. The doctor obviously wasn't doing right by him. He got the hell out and went somewhere else. It saved his life. He has some complications today due to all of the meds he is on. He had 6 major clots in his lungs last summer and again almost died. But, by changing up his meds a little, he is now healthy again.

[soleiri]

30. Jack

One of my best friends. We weren't as close after he moved to a city (SF) which back then ( 15 years ago), had better services for those with HIV.
When he visited it was like he never left, he was so easy to be with, so much fun.
I dreamt about him the night before a mutual friend called to tell me he had died.
In the dream he told me he was okay and not to worry.
It's the only dream I've had where I attach great significance.
If anyone could be pushy enough to accomplish getting into my dream world, it was Jack.

[InternalDialogue]

31. My friend and colleague Miguel J.

c. 1994 -- it was more than two years before I heard the news, as I'd left that job and lost contact with him.

[LanternWaste]

32. I honestly can't remember his name...

I honestly can't remember his name...

This was in the summer of 1992 when I was working at an Outpatient Cancer Center. I was in my mid-twenties-- not the most mature mid-twenty year old guy, either: though I considered myself a progressive, I didn't follow through with either deed or word. I was still living in an insular world in which "queer" and "fag" were nothing more funny names to call my friends when they showed up at my apartment on a Friday night.

I learned a lot about cancer at the Center, obviously. One of the things I learned was that the immune deficiency in an AIDS patient would allow all sorts of otherwise benign, treatable viruses to come in and begin mucking up a person's body. Ad to that a pre-existing cancer, and you've got a person who looks more like death warmed over than an actual living person.

So one day in the summer of '92, a patient is wheeled in by his partner. Now let me qualify this or it will lose its impact-- I'd seen a LOT of emotional support support between family members and friends whilst working there, it was almost part of the job's scenery. Laughing, crying, screaming, passion-- it was all visible at one time or another depending on the patient and who came into the Center with them.

So let's go back to that day again-- a patient is wheeled in by his partner, and the patient looked as though death was mere hours away, and I hadn't seen anyone to date in quite *that* bad a shape who still had their senses since I'd been working there. I initially thought to myself, "this is how I'll remember this guy-- as someone who looks like death warmed over".

However, the tenderness between the patient and his partner touched me. It was a tenderness I'd never seen anywhere, by any person, at any time. They traded small, imperceptible smiles amongst themselves, and each smile was a thick with stories, histories, anecdotes, love, guilt, and a host of other tenders.

Each glance they took at the other throughout the next six weeks of treatment was riddled with sorrow and love and emotions that I didn't know existed. The partner's name was David-- I do remember him quite vividly. I got into the habit of staying with him in the waiting room during the treatments, and he'd tell me of how they met, vacations they took, dreams they'd shared.

David told me his partner was a painter, and I asked to see a print or two if convenient before the treatments ended. That was on a Friday. Monday afternoon David came in and told me his partner had passed, and gave me a small, unframed painting of the Welsh countryside they'd been to some years prior.

The painting is in my living room, above the fireplace and it reminds me that True Love can happen, and that it can happen despite the ill-advised social constructs I'd been brought up to defend. He taught me how small I had been-- one of the Great Lessons not all of us have the opportunity to learn.

I can't remember his name-- but why does love have to have name...?

[ThomCat]

33. My first boyfriend, Oscar Romero.

:(

[malta blue]

34. My uncle Jaime and my friend Cole

:cry:

[tigereye]

35. my old pal Bill - my sister made him a quilt section

and my work colleague Howard, who was a wonderful singer and a fun guy.


:cry:

There are probably more old friends that I don't know about. :(

[foxfeet]

36. I stopped counting in 1885 after 50 people I knew had died of AIDS.

I lost two previous partners and pretty much all of my gay friends in NYC. The deaths continued after I moved to Seattle in '82. I hated the eighties (aside from meeting my current partner). It was just grief piled upon grief until I became numb. I couldn't name them all here, but I remember each one.

[rug]

37. Arthur J. Bressan, Jr.

My high school English teacher.

[Oeditpus Rex]

39. My friend David Horne

Helluva guy. He could pound a few brews, and he had a show on a public radio station. Sometimes I'd visit him while he was on the air and he'd let me run the board.

He moved to the Bay Area and I didn't know he had AIDS until I read his obituary. It angered me at first — I thought, "Man, why didn't you tell me? I would've been there for you."

[jobycom]

40. You studied under Boswell? Lucky.

He was a tremendous historian. I loved his work while I was in grad school, and had a friend who had studied under him at Yale.

Let's see, for me:
High school friend, Bob, who died shortly after completing his internship as a doctor. Smartest man I ever personally met.
Co-worker Mike, in Dallas.
Another co-worker I knew less well, Dave. Beautiful eye for detail.
Friend at U of Texas, Bill. Didn't know him well, but felt his loss.
There have been other friends from college who disappeared, and may be dead or alive now. Plus, there were deaths that were probably AIDS, but were called by relatives "pneumonia" or "Lupis" or some other illness.

And of course anyone who lived in the 80s and 90s remembers the string of superstars we lost. I remember after hearing that Magic Johnson had AIDS being so upset that I just drove, and wound up a couple hundred miles from home. I was just in shock, not just at him, but at the accumulated weight of everyone.

And Reagan refused to even mention the disease, because according to some who knew him he thought it was just punishment on sinners who deserved it. I swear to this day I don't hate anyone the way I hate Reagan.

[Blue Diadem]

41. Dennis

"For once I know I have a friend" Those were the words he wrote in my yearbook. After graduation, he went on to college and I got married and we lost contact. He moved across the country and died at 34, 20 yrs ago.

[harmonicon]

43. I'd rather not post a name here...

but, I'll say "Greg". I think that Greg wouldn't want to be remembered as a victim of AIDS, but as a wonderful friend, father, and inspiration to generations of students as a teacher. I loved the man and miss him dearly.

[Mojorabbit]

44. My friend

Scott who was the best man for my first wedding.

[terrya]

45. My friend Scott.

He was a dear friend. He died of AIDS in 1986.

I miss him still.

[Mike 03]

46. My amazing, devoted, dedicated and brilliant screenwriting teacher, Terry. NT

[Manifestor_of_Light]

47. My sweet cousin Sid.

Sid was a professional trumpet player who lived in San Francisco. Was in the house band of the New Bell Saloon. Graduate of Baylor University and San Francisco State University (Master's in Clinical Psych).

1948 -- circa 1993

Miss you, sweetie.


And my "little brother" Chuck. He lived down the street from me and I "adopted" him as my little brother. Owned a catering business, A Fare Extraordinaire. 1959 - 1992.

Requiescat in pace, you guys. Miss you forever.

[enigmatic]

48. My older brother, 1990

RIP, Lee.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

49. A few--all people I met through church, interestingly enough

John: Our choir director for only a year, but he challenged us to sing anthems we thought were impossible and amused us with things like joke Christmas presents for each person and stories about appearing on a game show

Michael: A cab driver who gave free rides to friends he found walking around town and who loved to plan celebrations (ordinations, weddings) at our church

Arthur: Who took me in for Thanksgiving one year when I had no place else to go and who owned the most wonderful golden retriever

Tim: Directed the student chaplaincy choir when I was in graduate school and taught us new and unusual music

On edit: I heard John Boswell speak when I was at Yale. What a fantastic lecturer!

[lightningandsnow]

50. A family friend I never met: Bruce.

He died a year or two before I was born.

Everyone says we would have been great friends if we'd ever gotten to meet.

[greatauntoftriplets]

51. Chuck King.

He was a friend, nicknamed Uncle Chuckles (not by me).

RIP Chuck.

[grannylib]

52. My friend from high school, Mike, who was the funniest, craziest,

best actor in Drama Club, and killer in mime troupe, and just an all around good guy, who died way too young after suffering way too long.

[emilyg]

53. In memory

David - my friend
David - my brother-in-law
Thomas - a friend
James - a friend

rip

[peekaloo]

55. Ronnie and Bruce.

Ronnie died in NYC after his family sent him packing from his home in Florida. He wanted to be a dancer on Broadway.

Bruce died from a heart attack attributed to experimental meds. A real cut up who spent his final month organizing a charity event for kids with special needs.

[nutsnberries]

56. a friend, Bernie... just thought of him last night while

looking up at the Moon, Jupiter and Venus. He loved things in the night sky.

[ohiosmith]

57. My brother Earl Jr.

[RoyGBiv]

58. Patrick N.

At least he got to dance, away from the bullies, before he left us.

There are many more, but he stands out in my mind. He was frail to begin with and went fast. Decade of death, indeed.

[JitterbugPerfume]

59. a sweet guy I usesd to work with

Richard