I just received a postcard for an aesthetic vaginal surgery office--ask me anything

[Ellen Forradalom]

:wtf:

[JVS]

1. Are you gonna go for it?

[Ellen Forradalom]

6. Anyone who gets anywhere close to my hoo hoo

with any cutting implement takes their life in their own hands. That includes during childbirth.

[Erin Elizabeth]

49. You could also say "hot pocket"

"spam purse" or "beef curtains."

[Ellen Forradalom]

79. "Pink taco" would work too

[KitchenWitch]

2. There is nothing that some SoCal'rs won't do in the name of vanity...

x(

[Ellen Forradalom]

4. The office is in Laguna Beach of course

Desperate housewives and their money are soon parted.

[KitchenWitch]

10. Surprised it is not in Newport or Coto de Caza

[Ellen Forradalom]

16. I'm sure there are competing offices there

[lizerdbits]

3. How many seconds would it take you

to leave someone who would want you to have that? Me, about 0.5 seconds.

[Ellen Forradalom]

5. I'd say, "You First."

Then I'd leave him.

[LeftyMom]

7. What the fuck?

What the hell do they even do?

[Ellen Forradalom]

12. I'm afraid to ask

[Shell Beau]

24. I have read about this in Glamour and such. They will make the

"lips" even if they aren't. :shrug: All I have to say is fuck that!

[Bucky]

35. pun intended?

or may I continue to respect you?

[Shell Beau]

38. Oops!

:blush:

[Jamastiene]

56. I thought they removed the lips, like those horrible fake

p0rn ones. *shiver, shudder, cringe* :scared: :tinfoilhat:

[RetroLounge]

8. WTF?

Isn't just shaving good enough anymore?

:shrug:

RL

[LeftyMom]

9. Good enough for the Patriarchy, freeper.

:popcorn:

BTW, did you ever see that thread? My favorite part is where it's decided that Haruka is a male chauvinist.

[Ellen Forradalom]

13. I miss all the good threads around here

[RetroLounge]

17. Loved that thread!

Haruka is a male chauvinist and should be TS'd...

:hide:

RL

[krispos42]

107. Again?

;-)

[Ellen Forradalom]

14. When your BFFs are all shorn

and anally-bleached, you have to do that something extra to stand out.

[RetroLounge]

18. Why did I click on that link?

:scared:

RL

[Bucky]

37. Why do I get the impression that you....

... had a childhood full of mom screaming, "Dammit, Retro, I told you not to touch that!"

[RetroLounge]

42. Because you would be correct...

:rofl:

RL

[Shell Beau]

67. The same reason I did!

:cry:

[Ellen Forradalom]

105. They offer gift certificates too

:D

[Jamastiene]

58. Ewwwwww!

Just Ew!

[Erin Elizabeth]

44. When o when will pubes come back in style?

Sigh.

[Shell Beau]

68. As far as I am concerned, they will always be. Unless you are

10. I don't get it. I am guessing the hair is there for a reason!

[RetroLounge]

82. They are out of style?

:shrug:

RL

[Erin Elizabeth]

106. Apparently. Especially for women.

[mcctatas]

11. What next?

beauty pageants featuring vaginae?

[Ellen Forradalom]

15. Why not?

If you'd coughed up big bucks for a perfect hoo hoo, you'd want to show it off.

[Love Bug]

47. salon.com had a story just this week about pubes coming

back in style because women aren't as willing to spend money getting bikini waxes in this economy.

Why I remember this, I don't know.... ferget anal bleach, I need brain bleach!

[Ellen Forradalom]

80. Oh boy, what next, paint-on "hose"?

It'll be like during World War II.

[Jamastiene]

59. If so, I want a season ticket.

:evilgrin:

[Shell Beau]

69. I am the reigning queen! Ms. Vagina Mississippi!

Go to nationals soon! Wish me luck!

[mcctatas]

73. My vagina only won...

Miss Congeniality :P

[latebloomer]

101. Ha ha ha!!!

:rofl:

[Ellen Forradalom]

75. Years ago I drew a poster for a comedy show called The Miss Vagina Pageant

[trof]

19. Re-virgin?

Um...cool?
:eyes:

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. Or 'certified pre-owned'?

:eyes:

[supernova]

20. Ellen, if you say "hoo hoo" one more time

I'm going to lose it!

:D :rofl:

[Ellen Forradalom]

21. Something funny about my hoo hoo?

:grr:

[KamaAina]

23. When's your appointment?

:evilgrin:

[Ellen Forradalom]

27. Me and my baseball bat have a consultation with the surgeon

:evilgrin:

:sarcasm:

[FloridaJudy]

31. Well there's your problem!

Most of us just use a rabbit.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

25. People might gossip.

"I just heard Ellen Forradalom had her hoo hoo done..!"

[Ellen Forradalom]

28. "Well the little bitch!"

"Now I'll have to get mine done too!"

[FloridaJudy]

26. If I'm going to spend a lot of money

For plastic surgery, it's going to be on something that shows. But maybe that's the new aesthetic. Too bad: I've already got my hands full doing maintenance on my hair and face.

As for function, my vagina works just fine, thanks. It's not broke, so why fix it?

[Ellen Forradalom]

29. I was entirely unaware

that my hoo hoo was lacking in any way.

[RetroLounge]

52. We'll have to take your word for it...

:9

RL

[Tom Kitten]

30. Definition please

What are "vaginal aesthetics" anyways? Aren't the aesthetic parts down there called something else, especially by a surgeon?

[Ellen Forradalom]

32. I think it means

"Looks like a porn star"
or
"Get tightened up like before you had a brood"

[Tom Kitten]

39. Does this surgeon draw his or her inspiration from Mario Puzo?

Remember the quick scene in the Godfather movie during the wedding Sonny banging some anonymous woman against the wall? In the novel there's a chapter or two devoted to her problem and the surgeon boyfriend who diagnoses it and surgically corrects it...I'm sorry, I can't believe I'm writing this... :blush:

But as far as looking like a porn star, one must indeed wonder how surgery can enhance an appearance...

[lizerdbits]

41. Or

"Look like you did when you were 17 so your superficial husband doesn't leave/cheat on you."

[Schema Thing]

33. Was there any Georgia Okeefe artwork used in the brochure?

[Ellen Forradalom]

34. No, but that would have been AWESOME

[Jamastiene]

62. I loooove Georgia Okeefe!

[Bucky]

36. Do they intend to trim or enhance the works?

And can they restructure the extra labial folds into a minute replica of Mt Rushmore? Cause I can't think of anything weirder than going down on a girl and suddenly coming face to face with Teddy Roosevelt peeking out of her mons.

But maybe that's just me.

[FloridaJudy]

40. !!!!!

:spray: :rofl:

[Love Bug]

48. Dude, you owe me a new keyboard!!!

:rofl:

[RetroLounge]

54. OMG!

:spray:

:applause:

RL

[Ellen Forradalom]

76. Or how about

the face of Obama?

YES WE CAN!

[sarge43]

95. Bucky, I hope you have enough money to pay for all the monitors and keyboards

you just ruined.

:spray:

Q: What is the only thing wrong with oral sex?

A: The view.

[Erin Elizabeth]

43. I have a really strict rule and it goes like this:

nothing sharp near my hot pocket unless the sharp thing is medically indicated.

[Ellen Forradalom]

72. Even then

there's better be a damned good reason.

[rug]

45. Is this anything like finding an anonymous bottle of mouth wash on your desk?

[Generic Brad]

46. Surely there is a term for it

Is it a tuck? A nip? A lift?

[crimsonblue]

50. You choke the chicken before any big date, don't you?

Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn't flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That's like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that's why you're nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you've had sex with a girl, and you're lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you're not, why?

[Jamastiene]

51. OMG, that's not one of those lip-ectomy type things, is it?

DAYUM! Don't touch the lips. They are highly necessary for better looks. I don't get the lip removal surgery. Yuck!

[Erin Elizabeth]

57. Also, they are just filled with nerve endings.

That would bother me more than anything else.

And yes, it can involve that. Sometimes women are very bothered by flappy saloon doors or just one flappy saloon door and one normal one so they get things trimmed up. But the trade off is losing nerve endings. Which would suck.

[Jamastiene]

65. Leave the saloon doors intact.

That's my motto. Women are best a la naturale.

[Erin Elizabeth]

66. I could not possibly agree more.

[Ellen Forradalom]

78. My saloon doors are fine

but I have a drunk that keeps stumbling out.

[Erin Elizabeth]

53. There was an episode of this on one of those plastic surgery

reality shows a while back. An 18 year old woman had one inner labia that was considerably longer than the other and so she had it trimmed up.

The thing that really creeped me out was that her mom went with her to all the consultations and checked out her junk really up close before and after. The girl used a hand mirror to check out the results with mom, the doctor and the nurse and the camera man standing there going "oh yeah, that looks really nice now, MUCH better."

WTF? No.

Also? She lost some nerve endings that she's never getting back. No thanks.

[TieDyedDad]

55. For the Dudes

what exactly are you supposed to be enhancing with the surgery?

[Erin Elizabeth]

60. It could involve

fixing the pelvic floor (though that's a more complicated surgery) for women who feel they are...larger than usual.

It could also involve fixing up some saloon doors that women feel are very large or long or flappy.

But as I said above, you'd also lose nerve endings, which is not good. IMO.

[TieDyedDad]

61. Cool

I was wondering if it was a pleasure thing or a medical thing..

[Erin Elizabeth]

63. Strictly aesthetic in the case of the saloon doors.

Pleasure, I guess in the case of the pelvic floor.

[TieDyedDad]

64. Got it

[FloridaJudy]

70. Sometimes it's done

To fix problems with bladder or bowel control, or to put other organs back in place that have been damaged by childbirth or other trauma, but that's a functional correction, and it's major surgery. But since these people are offering "aesthetic" surgery, I doubt they could fix any major problems of that nature. Sort of like the difference between putting someone's face back together after a bad accident and chin tuck.

I'll pass, thanks.

[foxfeet]

71. Do you like topiary?

[redqueen]

74. The kind where they just trim things up...

is that kind of similar to guys getting circumcised as adults?

I could be remembering wrong, but I thought that was a pretty acceptable thing in the circumcision war threads... the whole 'guy grows up with foreskin, guy wants to get rid of it, guy grows up and gets surgery and it's really painful so better to do it while they're babies' thing.

[Lil Missy]

77. Perfect picture for my annual Christmas card! Please PM it to me!

[Ellen Forradalom]

81. Sorry! I had the same idea!

:evilgrin:

[Heidi]

83. I wonder what the direct-mail promotion is for displeasing, ugly or unattractive

vaginal surgery? :shrug:

[flvegan]

84. In the Lounge, this gets funny. In GD this would have been a tragedy. HOLD on...

Wait a minute...GD...tragedy.

TraGD. I think I just peed myself.

[Heidi]

87. Please let me know if we need to mount a

*****CLEAN UNDERPANTS FOR FLVEGAN: Please remind him to change them NOW!!!!!***** drive. :P

[derby378]

98. There's only one DUer who's up for this task...

Where are you, Underpants? Come in, Underpants! Breaker, breaker! Are you 10-8, UnPan?

[madinmaryland]

85. What.

:wtf:

[billyskank]

86. Is there such a thing as aesthetic penis surgery?

What, after all, is the point in having a vag that looks a million bucks without an equally handsome penis to introduce it to?

[Heidi]

88. Some of us are looking for deeper qualities

when assessing potential packages partners. You know, qualities like patience, Joie de vivre, a certain something that transcends mere appearances. :rofl:

[billyskank]

89. Ah of course.

How superficial of me. I should really learn to be less cocksure of myself. :D

[Heidi]

90. !!!!!!!!!!!!

:spray:

[derby378]

99. That's good to know...

I am not looking forward to grafting a rabbit onto my hoo-hah. :yoiks:

[old mark]

92. try multiple piercings.

again, you first.....


mark

[peekaloo]

93. appendicktomy

head and shoulders above the rest

[Silent3]

94. Some might say that that's what circumcision is.

Others might say that the subject of circumcision is just flame bait, however. Who knows? :)

[peekaloo]

91. Loose lips sink hips!

isn't that the saying?

[BlueIris]

96. Have you considered contacting the sender to ask how in the hell you got on their mailing list?

'Cause...damn. There's offensive and then there's this.

[Ellen Forradalom]

103. I took a second look at the card

and saw that although it has my address, it's addressed to someone else. Whew! I was wondering if I were getting a hint.

[Brooklyns_Finest]

97. True Story

I am a young guy who works with mostly older ladies. One woman told me a story about her 50 year old friend who was dating a 20 something guy. The guy totally played her. She bought him everything, took him on trips, financed his brand new Prius (an environmentally friendly player), and convinced her to have surgery to improve the appearance of her Vagina. I got a good kick out of that one. She really loved him. She realized that she was getting played when she showed up at his house nexpected in her nighty and when he let her in, he totaly ignored her and continued to play his XBox.

[Ellen Forradalom]

104. Played his Xbox?

:rofl:

Damn! Playas used to have class back in the day!

[latebloomer]

100. to paraphrase the immortal Richard Pryor-

"There is no such thing as bad pussy. Ladies, if anybody ever tells you you have a bad pussy, see me after the show and I will give you a second opinion."

[Ellen Forradalom]

102. Spoken like a true gentleman

:)