I'm worried because I can't feel anything. What's wrong with me?

[Mike 03]

Last Friday my sister confided in me that she most likely has an autoimmune disorder and will almost certainly require a hip replacement operation. She's a very young woman who has been in pain for years, since we were in college. That broke me up.

On Saturday night I learned that an ex-gf had died of cancer and even though my entire family knew none of them told me. They meant well, but I think they were wrong. That broke me up. I cried for four days straight. (This is the worst thing I can ever remember feeling, other than my dad being diagnosed with cancer last year--maybe even a little bit worse. She was so young and gifted.).

Yesterday afternoon my mom called me to inform me that my sweet father has come out of remission with his myeloma and is now in relapse. Normally I would have cried my guts out, but I had nothing left. I can't seem to feel anything right now anymore. My sister told me that she felt the same way. Is this denial, or something else completely that I don't understand? I keep having these intense waves of emotion, followed by just wanting to sleep.

On edit: Or feeling dead inside. That is what I meant to say: feeling dead inside.

Is this normal or should I talk to someone?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Mike 03...

It sounds to me as though you are severely overloaded...

You've endured quite a lot of emotional stress in the last few days, and to protect yourself, you have pretty much shut down your responses.

It's normal. A normal response to a very abnormal situation (or situations...)

Exactly: You have nothing left.

If it really bothers you, I'd see someone, someone expert in grief counseling.

Take it easy, and I'd stay away from alcohol, too...

:hug:

[jeff30997]

4. Hey CaliforniaPeggy !

You are the best human being I ever came across.Sorry but I had to say it.I wish you a fantastic

new year so you can continue to be kind to everybody.Hey,Lovya!:loveya:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear jeff30997!

Well, I'm blushing...:blush:

Thanks for your very kind wishes! And I wish the same for you...

:hug:

[jeff30997]

6. Thank you very very much !

I just reply to hug you back: :hug:

You're the best!

[Mike 03]

7. Thanks, that is good advice. TY. NT

[flvegan]

2. I think one can experience emotional overload.

Where it just stops hurting anymore. No idea if there's any truth in that, as I'm no expert. However, if you think that there may be something wrong, and talking to someone would help, I certainly recommend that you do so.

Sorry for your seemingly ongoing troubles and bad news.

[Mike 03]

9. Thanks Flvegan, for the most part my life has been very good and I've been

fortunate. But It's just been this last year that things took a turn for the worse.

Thank you.

[GCP]

3. Yes, you're normal

We can only deal with a certain amount of stress at a time, then we go into what you're in now.
It will hit you in time, but by then, hopefully, you'll be more ready to deal with it. :hug:

[LisaM]

8. Emotional overload - it's common

it's your body's way of protecting yourself. I haven't had quite the round of bad luck you have had, but I know the feeling. Otherwise you'd just be a big mess.

[NaturalHigh]

10. Actually, what you've described is completely normal.

We all have different thresholds of emotional tolerance, and I suspect you've reached yours for now. This is only temporary, but it's very distressing. I hope you'll take care of yourself and find someone to talk to.

[easttexaslefty]

11. very normal

only so much pain can be processed at a time. The pain will come in intense waves and then often a feeling of numbness follows. everything you are feeling is "normal"
Sorry for you troubles and losses

[CreekDog]

12. We're pretty complicated beings

But please don't feel guilt or feel that you are wrong in not feeling something. Firstly, you do *feel* something even if the emotion doesn't match what you think it should. You do care.

When we go through things, as others here have said, we can feel numb. In fact, I've at times found myself choked up at a movie, yet strangely numb at something more tragic in my own midst. In truth, things that trouble me where I think I'm numb often get felt in entirely different situations. When people have died around me, I've gone to the funeral and not felt a thing, but then gone home and while watching some sappy movie that would never normally do anything to me, just lost it.

It's complicated.

But now that you ask, talk to somebody who is trained to help us understand and get through these feelings. They won't have all the answers, but someone good will help you find the strength, answers and approach for you to get through these difficulties while having a sense of well being. Since life is full of this kind of stuff, I can't recommend talking to someone enough because it's something that you may rely on throughout your life.

:hug:

[pitohui]

13. it's normal, it's shell shock

when it's just one thing after another like you dissociate and you just feel blank

i had the same thing after katrina, it's just...it's just too much, you know?

you could talk to someone but i can't imagine what they could do about it, it's a normal reaction to repeated, out of control stress

this too will pass, i found it worked best to just go thru the motions and let my emotions catch up

[EFerrari]

14. If after a little while, you go back to "normal", fine.

If not, this sounds a lot like the onset of depression.

Be good to you first. You've a lot on your plate. If things don't get better, you might want to check in with a doctor you trust.

:hug:

[hippywife]

15. As everyone else has said: totally normal.

I think, just as your body does with physical pain, there comes a point when shock sets in and nothing can get through that. It is a protective measure; think of it as survival mode. The body and mind are amazing that way.

The time to be concerned is if it continues for longer than seems healthy. In the meantime, take this as a time to heal, breath, and regroup.

I'm terribly sorry for all you've had to endure. It doesn't get easier as we age and begin losing people around us.

:hug:

[Jamastiene]

16. I would say that with that much tragedy,

what you are experiencing is your minds protection mechanism to some degree. There is only so much a person can take before the body's natural defenses kick in. It's almost like shock.

I'd give it a week and then ask your doctor if there is something that you can do to get you through the worst of the pain, something temporary just to help you out.

In any case, I hope things get better...somehow. :hug:

[Mike 03]

17. I wonder if anyone has any idea who I could turn to now, someone to talk with,

some kind of online resource?

Or organization or something, or someone?

[gristy]

27. I recommend talking to your doctor - the one you see for your general care

Make an appointment with him. Make it a 40-minute appointment - whatever time he gives for an annual exam. This is important - you need enough time to go through things. If his help is insufficient after you are done, he'll refer you to someone who can help further.

[NJmaverick]

18. I think it's normal. I think the best thing to do is be there for your family

when you are ready the tears will come, so don't worry about it.

:hug:

[Mike 03]

19. Sorry to sound like a broken record for these past three days. It just

hurts so bad. I'm sure I'll get over this. Thanks for listening to my stupidity.

[jobycom]

20. Normal. Your emotions have a self-defense system built in. Besides, you are feeling something.

You are feeling guilt that you can't break down even more than you have. We as humans are conditioned to think that the grief we feel is proportional to the person we feel it for, so you feel as though you are betraying your father, or maybe expressing some inner feelings you don't want, by not breaking down over him. But that's not true. We feel grief proportional to the shock to our emotions, and proportional to other emotions we have felt recently. You are probably not surprised by your father's relapse--maybe you were even subconsciously expecting it--so you are not as shocked by it, and given the other jolts you've had lately, this is not as extreme as them, or not yet. Thus you don't feel the painful jolt. You might even feel a touch of relief, which would add to your current guilt feelings, thinking the relief might have something to do with your father's illness. In truth, your body will automatically feel a touch of relief over the end of the fear you've had over a relapse. In other words, you've had this fear for a while that he would relapse, and now he has, and the fear is now over, even though a new fear and a new set of emotions will occur. Your body will automatically feel relief of a sort over that.

Just remember we are no more in control of our emotions than of the physical pain we experience when something hurts us. How we handle that pain or emotion is somewhat under our control, but not the pain or the emotion itself. Your body is reacting to its own emotional and psychological stimuli in its natural way. In some ways you are lucky that it is not overloading you more, not making you break down yet.

Use that gift as long as you can. Be the strong presence the rest of your family will need. That's the best thing you can do with it. Likely, the emotions will be triggered by something sooner or later.

One more thing: you asked about whether to see someone. Maybe. This type of emotional shakeup puts you in shock, literally in shock just as when you have a severe trauma to your body. You are in shock now, and that's why your mind is circling around this question, trying to grasp what's really wrong, what's really bothering you. Anyone in that situation can tell you that's normal, and that there's no answer you will find. The questions, that circle in your mind, is the real sign of shock. It's also some of why you aren't feeling the normal emotions you've come to associate with grief. Basically, literally, you are suffering from PTSD.

So talking to someone might not be a bad idea, if you don't think you can handle it on your own, or with just advice from DU. It will pass, but it is affecting you right now, more than you realize, as we can all tell from your post. I remember going through a grief process like that, triggered by less than you are going through now, and I burned up the libraries and book stores around me trying to find advice on how to handle it. It's normal, but that doesn't make it easy.

If it helps any, one day you'll be the one giving advice to others on how to handle it. You'll get through it, and you'll feel normal again.

And very sorry to hear about it. Good luck, and sympathies.

[Inchworm]

21. Always talk to someone if you can

"Numbness" is a common reaction for me. It keeps me from freaking the fug out mostly.

Some things, no matter how it may seem to others, can totally mess me up physically. It all fades, at least, temporarily, when I talk to someone.

:hug:

[applegrove]

22. I'd go see a grief counsellor. There was a time when I had loss after loss and

I cried hard for every one of them. I cried a lot. I never ran out of tears. At least if you are with a counsellor they can teach you about the grieving process and you will not miss time with your dad because of some weird avoidance behaviour or something else that might pop up.

[ThomCat]

23. That is normal.

Denial is the first stage of grief.

:hug:

You will get angry about his cancer. The impact will come. Are you physically near your father? I hope you and your sister will be there for him.

[femmocrat]

24. Sorry you are going through such a tough time.

If you are taking anti-depressants, that could affect your emotions (happened to me).

Hope the new year brings you some happier times. :hug:

[skygazer]

25. I agree that it's emotional overload

In fact, that is largely what causes PTSD - when you are bombarded with situations that your emotions have to process, there comes a tipping point when its just one too many. Your emotions need a chance to catch up.

My advice is to do your best to keep out of stressful situations, talk openly about the things that are going on in your life and lean on the people you are able to lean on. I'm sorry you've had so much on your plate and may the New Year bring nothing but good things to you and yours. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

26. I agree with Peggy and others...

it is being shut down. It's your mind's way of trying to protect YOU. At least you realize you are going through it... that is something right there. I hope you find someone you can trust to talk with. So sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. :hug:

[FloridaJudy]

28. I think it's perfectly normal

"Numbness" - both physical and emotional - is a common reaction to shock. Otherwise the pain would overwhelm us. Shutting down emotionally allows us to continue to function.

Even though it's normal, talking to someone can help. We're social animals: none of us were meant to wade through the hard stuff by ourselves.