Lawyer Jokes, give us yours!

[Pierre.Suave]

Here is mine:

How many lawyer jokes are there?























3, the rest of them are true stories...

:rofl:

[blueknight]

1. what do you call 10 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

a good start

[3.14158675309]

2. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other one is a fish.

[HopeHoops]

3. A lawyer dies and goes to heaven...

St. Peter assigns an angel to escort him to his room. They head down the gold brick road and into a dormitory type of building. They pass a series of rooms, simple chambers with a cot, toilet, sink. They almost look like jail cells. As they get further down the hallway, the angel starts listing the occupants, "He was a pope in the 13th century. This one was a pope in the 15th century. After about twenty popes, they come to a door and the angel says "well, this is it." The lawyer is afraid.

The angel opens the door to reveal a lavish penthouse suite with a waterbed, mirrors on the ceiling, hot tub, half naked babes everywhere, and a wet bar next to the dance floor. The lawyer looks around and asks, "this is a joke, right?"

The angel replies, "No, this is your room for all of eternity."

The lawyer thinks a minute and says, "Wait, I don't get it. You've got all of those popes crammed in little jail cells back there, so why would you give ME this?"

The angel answers, "Oh, we've got a LOT of popes up here, but you're the first lawyer we've ever had!"

[3.14158675309]

20. That's funny! hehe "a lawyer goes to heaven"

:P

[Burma Jones]

4. Why don't Lawyers go to the Beach?

Because Cats keep covering them up.......

[BOSSHOG]

5. Three lawyers up to their necks in cement

what's wrong with that picture? Not enough cement!

[Midlodemocrat]

6. I can't. MrCoffee is a lawyer and I lurves him. Same for Deep13 and rug.

:cry:

[3.14158675309]

7. Not all lawyers are bad, and not all presidents are good

Try, Midlo, try!

[siligut]

8. There is an on going feud between the AMA and the ABA.

I appreciate the Attorneys on this site too.

[Roon]

27. I know,my little brother is a lawyer

but he is out and gay! I just can't bring myself to bash lawyers.

[Dr. Strange]

9. What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

Beginning each day, a rooster clucks defiance...

[Mendocino]

10. Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

[Ikonoklast]

11. A lawyer had just passed the Bar and opened a law office

and the very first day he hung out his shingle and opened for business who walks in but Lucifer, Lord of the Nether Regions, who then proceeded to introduce himself as such to the young man, and sits down.

The attorney, not one to be taken aback, says "And what can I do for you today, Lucifer?"

"I can make you richer than any dream of avarice you ever had, more powerful than Presidents and Kings, a captain in the legal profession respected by all, at the very head of your own world-wide law firm with partners slavishly devoted to your success and thousands of loyal employees that will bow down to you when you walk by." says The King of Perdition. "You will be able to topple empires or create them at your whim."

"For this I need only your immortal soul, the souls of your young wife and your three children, and the souls of your children's children for me to torment in Hell in perpetual agony and screaming terror for all eternity. What say you?" asked the Devil.

The attorney thought for a moment, rubbed his chin, and asked, "So, what's the catch?"

[KamaAina]

12. What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A Rottweiler! :P

[av8rdave]

13. What's the true definition of a waste?

A Greyhound bus full of lawyers going off a cliff...with an empty seat.

[Doc_Technical]

14. A woman was walking through a cemetery,

and she happened to notice a headstone which read:
"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."
"Faith and begorrah" the woman exclaimed,
"They've buried two men in one grave!"

[NJmaverick]

15. What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

[av8rdave]

16. What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead snake in the road?

In the snake's case, the skidmarks come BEFORE the body.

[hobbit709]

21. The version I heard was a dead skunk

[gmoney]

17. Oops! Beat me to it

Someone beat me to the "skidmarks" joke...

[Bravo Zulu]

18. Did you hear that scientists are going to start using lawyers

in their experiments, they found out that there are some things even rats wouldn't do!

[gmoney]

26. ...and the lab techs feel bad about doing some things to rats. (eom)

[IcyPeas]

19. What happens when lawyers takes viagra?

They grow taller





:D

[hobbit709]

22. The engineer in hell

Engineering In Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're
an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile,
they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular
guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down
there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten
down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way." I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a
lawyer?"

[old mark]

23. Not a joke, but a comment: My late father in law was a lawyer...

and even he hated them.

mark

[City of Mills]

24. Once, there was this lawyer...

And he farted...

And everyone was like "Oh, that is so gross!"

And he laughed, then he farted again.

[hobbit709]

25. I know a lawyer that collects these jokes-he's got hundreds of them

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

To keep their foreskins from riding up over their chins.

[blockhead]

28. It was SO cold out today.....

...I seen a lawyer walking down the street and he had his hands in his OWN pockets!

[graywarrior]

29. Why should they bury lawyers 12 feet under?

Because deep down, they're really good guys.