I just got dumped.

[alarimer]

I am through with men.

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. *passes the Ben n Jerry's*

:hug:

[alarimer]

2. I think I'll go stock up.

I don't care if I get fat now.

[ReliantJ]

3. You are when I say you are!

[alarimer]

6. no, really through.

I have no one now. I have no friends. He was the only guy for me.

[Haole Girl]

4. Hugs for you...

:hug: :hug: And a song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHPcgKwZgJ8

Taylor Swift-Breathe

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But its killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you dont really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and itll only bring you down,
Now I dont know what to be without you around.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesnt work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Its two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know its not easy,
Easy for me.
Its two a.m.
Feelin like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this aint easy,
Easy for me.

And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh

I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry

[ReliantJ]

8. Swifts hot

[alarimer]

9. Can't breathe right now.

I'm too old to start over again.

[Haole Girl]

11. You can, and you will

Nobody is ever too old for love. :hug:

[lightningandsnow]

5. ...

:hug:

[alarimer]

7. thanks. n/t

[crim son]

10. You have my greatest sympathy and empathy.

Maybe don't give up on men forever, just until somebody else wonderful comes along. :hug: :hug: Sorry, alarimer.

[alarimer]

16. I'm kind of old to be starting over

I can't imagine anyone ever wanting me again. I suck.

[Sequoia]

68. Don't say that.

You don't suck, you're just a quite person. I don't know your age but someone will want you. So lick your wounds and in time you'll feel better. Do things for yourself that will cheer you up. Go see funny movies, maybe even sad ones so you can cry it all out, although laughing will be better for you. Eat ice cream for lunch, ride a bike, row a boat in a lake, go hiking.

[Danger Mouse]

12. We're not really worth the effort.

[ReliantJ]

13. LMAO

[Haole Girl]

14. Truer words were never spoken in the Lounge

:rofl:

[Lil Missy]

15. I'm sorry. A breakup really hurts.

I still have heart pangs, after a couple years.

:hug:

[alarimer]

17. This one hurts worse than most.

I thought he was the one; I never thought that before.

But apparently I am not a good conversationalist.

[Lil Missy]

19. What happened?

Had you been together for a long time? How long?

Were you living together?

Did you see this coming?

Why did he break it off?

Of course you are not obligated to answer any of these questions. And please, don't share anything that you are not comfortable sharing.

[alarimer]

24. We've been dating just over a year.

We hadn't been living together, although he did ask me. When we had been dating about 2 months, he asked me to move in with him. I thought it was way too soon but apparently my refusal meant that I wasn't as serious about this. And things went along okay for a while. He never said he loved me and I was afraid to say it first so I guess he thought I was only interested in a casual thing. Fine. But with some guys, you say I love you and it freaks them out. I had no idea if he was like that but how could I take the chance.

First let me explain that I am a very shy, reserved person. It is extremely difficult for me to say what is on my mind. So there were always a lot of silences. He would ask me if I had talked to my folks recently and I would say "No" (I don't call them that much) but not really elaborate because, really what else was I supposed to say.

I am very inhibited person so intimate relationships are difficult for me.

Suffice it to say, he apparently needs someone to be more outgoing. I don't communicate well or well enough anyway. I do the best I can. I am so afraid that this is going to be the case for the rest of my life. It has been an issue in the past as well but mostly those relationships failed for other reasons.

[Lil Missy]

37. I don't think you should consider yourself forever hopeless.

You will know love when it meets you.

I'm a very reserved woman who always keeps my cards close to the vest.

When I first met my ex, it was like fireworks and stars with comets and rockets and hormones flying all over the place immediately. In short time I was head over heels in love, and it just came out of my mouth. Indeed I could sense it from her too, which only intensified my feelings.

My point is, when it happens, love, you just know. The moon, sun, stars, and earth moves. And your soul can't help but to open up. Everything just flows.

At least that is the way it was for me. Maybe that is naive, and I'll surely take a slower approach next time. And be more cautious to look for the red flags.

Took me forever to recover from that breakup, I am just slow like that and needed the recharge time. I'm only recently getting sparks again.

Just give yourself some time, and don't be in a hurry. When the person, time, and place is right, you'll know. :hug:

Lil Missy

[alarimer]

49. I always thought the fireworks thing was a myth.

That has never happened to me. It didn't happen this time either. So maybe I was really just fooling myself that this was IT because I wanted it to be so much. He was so right for me.

[Lil Missy]

54. I'm probably being naive about the fireworks thing.

I kinda feel like a teenager about it. That was after I "came out", and allowed myself to become available in my real comfort zone. I didn't have to "pretend" anymore, and was just savoring my new found freedom.

I wasn't in any hurry to find someone, I just finally felt like myself and like the whole world had lifted off my shoulders. There were some flirtations after that, but nothing I took seriously.

It was a couple years later that I met my ex. I can't explain it, the rockets just hit the skies as soon as we set eyes upon each other, and we were inseparable from that day on.

Thus, why I say I sorta feel like a teenager about it, because I don't think love really evolves that way with grown adults. What can I say. My growth was stunted because I fought my sexuality for so many years.

I know the ache it feels to want to have someone to love. But it seems to me you say you didn't really "feel it", but just wanted it to be. Love shouldn't be so hard or such an effort. When the right time and person comes along, things just fall into place.

I am sorry you are hurting right now. I DO understand.

:hug:

Lil Missy

[Sequoia]

69. Didn't happen to me.

Been together over 20 years. More like a wood-burning stove on a cold stormy day. Fireworks die out after they go off and embers aren't fun.

[raccoon]

62. When that happens to me, it's just the hormones, and when I'm desperately lonely.

"The moon, sun, stars, and earth moves."

Happened some years ago to me.

As a couple, we'd have been a disaster.

But, diff'rent strokes. :shrug:

[alarimer]

18. I've decided I am better off alone.

I can't do relationships, obviously.

He let me think he really cared. But I am not good enough. And I doubt there is anyone else in this town that I would even want to be with anyway.

[harmonicon]

56. you're more than good enough

As for the town you're in.... well, it's just a town - there are others.

[raccoon]

63. Why do you assume that " I am not good enough?"

Because one person likes/dislikes you (or anyone else) may be THEIR STUFF and nothing to do with you.

[alarimer]

66. Because this is not the first time this issue has come up.

I am an introvert. And I am also shy and reserved. He complained that I don't make small talk very well and that we do not seem to connect that way at all. I do the best I can but it is hard for me, partly because I have so many things that go through my mind to say but I can't seem to get it out. I don't know why that is. I thought I was better with him but I guess not. And others have said similar things. It's why I do not have any friends; they give up on me or they just won't let me be myself.

[RedCloud]

20. Does one equal all?

Oh to be painted with such a broad brush...

Things were not supposed to be eternal...

but some say we can expect 20 more years of life soon and while that is under way several hundred more shortly afterword. Therefore you have quite a long ways to go.

Why do some pregnant women eat dirt? What is it they seek? Something the dinosaurs knew and even birds. PS. It helps mend a truly broken heart.

[alarimer]

33. No I am just tired of trying so hard and not gettting what I want.

I am so tired of being alone. And I am so afraid that I will end up that way.

[amitten]

59. Never be afraid.

Fear repels love.

[SPKrazy]

21. Hey I can relate

I'm through with women and relationships

I'm not into guys or I'd be through with them too...


sorry you got dumped, that totally sucks, :(


:hug:

[alarimer]

26. Down with people.

They all suck. Except for the good folks here, of course, who always seem to listen.

[raccoon]

64. I can relate too.

I'm through with men and relationships.

I'm not into women.

It's not impossible that I'd ever have another relationship, but I'm not holding my breath.

Get you an animal companion, if you don't have one already.

:hug:

[kwassa]

22. It really sucks.

I've been there myself.

More than once.

[Skittles]

23. I'VE HAD IT WITH MEN

LIKED IT TOO

[RetroLounge]

28. Skittles, you crack me up

Yes, indeed!

:hi:

RL

[Skittles]

51. I can't help it, I like men, I understand them

much better than I understand women

yes INDEED :hi:

[Lil Missy]

60. You're incorrigible!

:rofl:

[abq e streeter]

25. Me too (just got dumped) lied to etc.---it hurts, and I'm sorry this happened to you

[alarimer]

27. Same to you.

Sorry it happened. I simply lack the gene (or whatever it is) for human relationships.

[abq e streeter]

29. Thanks- I just edited the text out; felt like I was hijacking your thread with my own problems

[FloridaJudy]

30. {{{{{{{{{ alarimer }}}}}}}}}

Been there. Keep the friggin' T-shirt.

[alarimer]

31. Thanks

I don't even have a tshirt.

I thought this was different than other times.

[Odin2005]

32. I'm available! *Get's slapped by GF...*

[ReliantJ]

38. I am, no girlfriend :)

[Bryn]

34. I know how you feel to be "dumped"

but I think "dumped" is a wrong word because someday you will look back and say to yourself you're lucky you're no longer with him. If you feel you can't be who you are when you're with him then it's not worth the effort. Just because he "dumped" you doesn't make you any less a person you are. Feeling like you have low self esteem because of it ...it is only temporary. I promise you time does heal and you will feel better and love being who you are. I know you feel like he's the only man for you, but he isn't.

It happened to me in 2000. It hurt very much. Then several months later I found a lost, abandoned starving puppy by the dumpster near my house. It turned out that she was the best thing ever happened to me. She became my hearing/signal assistant dog, the first time I had in my life. She could read over 100 words in sign language. She and I became partners and went everywhere together, she came to work with me everyday plus traveling on planes, trains, metrorail, in my car, etc. Her name was Shane. My cats loved her and looked to her as their protector. She became a big dog (rottie/german shepherd mix)..very sweet. I can't explain it but with her I felt as though she completed me and my cat family. When she died from drug adversary a year ago at age of 6 years and 8 months old, I was devastated, took me weeks and months to come to terms with her death. Now I am all right, much better, but I wouldn't trade my experience with her for that guy who dumped me in 2000. LOL, but it's true. I got two new young dogs to train so they're keeping me busy. Mom developed dementia a few months ago, her doctor said that she could no longer take of herself, live alone, cook, drive, etc. so she moved in with me.

I do have several male friends who are very good friends that I keep in touch with as well as female friends. If I don't meet a man that would be like a soul mate it'd be fine. Things that are meant to be will be. I am fine either way. If you happen to meet someone who accepts you for who you are and loves you anyway then it's great. You're never too old! Love isn't for the young only but for everyone!

I hope things get better for you soon and you're all right. Please don't put yourself down :hug:

[alarimer]

36. The thing is, for the first time in my life I felt like I could be myself.

But my true self is shy and inhibited and bad at communicating I guess. This guy was perfect for me. Just exactly what I was looking for. I couldn't have imagined it better.

I just can't spend my life alone. I just can't. It's frightening. I have no friends, nobody I can talk to about this.

[Bryn]

42. It's in you all along

If he was able to bring out the best in you, then you have it in you so it's not hopeless. I know you're hurting right now and I am truly sorry. :hug:

You're communicating just fine here on DU. You sound like a great person!

[Juche]

35. I'm sorry

I don't want to distract from your thread, but several years there was a woman in college I was in love with and had an easy time talking to and relating with. I asked her out a couple of times and she said no, but she acted kindof aloof and weird after that. Never figured it out. I am still fairly young (29) but there has only been 1 other person I felt that way about, I just felt comfortable being with her and talking to her and I don't know why.

I googled her name last week to see when if graduated with her doctorate this year, and saw she married a fellow student a few months ago. Part of me feels 'what is so wrong with me that I can't get a date but he can get married to her'. But I know thats just unfair criticism towards myself, but I still feel it.

So whatever you are going through, I'm going through something similiar, it is just 10x less intense than what you are experiencing. I can't imagine how bad it is.

by comparison it sounds petty.

[alarimer]

39. Thanks.

I just simply do not get human relationships. I stink at them.

Maybe your friend was simply not interested in you "that way".

[Juche]

40. Likely

That was what I assumed. I've had other women, some prettier and younger than her like me romantically but it still feels like I'm a failure because I couldn't get her and deep down she was the one I wanted. I'm actually fairly nice and supportive of myself (I try not to be rude to myself or harsh on myself) but I still feel like I wasn't good enough.

If you want a great book on human relationship get the book 'social intelligence' by Daniel Goleman. Of the thousands of books I've read, it is easily in my top 10.


http://www.amazon.com/Social-Intelligence-Science-Human-Relationships/dp/0553803522

[MrPerson]

41. I agree. We're assholes. Especially me.

[GreenTea]

43. Seems they may be through with you....we're all (men) dogs and that will never change!

And I just as through & done with women!

[alarimer]

75. I don't really think that's true.

What I meant is that I am through for now.

[Withywindle]

44. Aw shit.

:hug:


(Been there. Am kind of still there, more than two years later. Haven't been at all interested in dating either. My mom said it's like giving birth - you have to forget how much it hurt before you're willing to do it again. I remind her that I'm an only child, which of course she knows full well. She says, yup.)

[alarimer]

45. Thanks.

I don't know what I am going to do now. I just don't.

[Withywindle]

46. You don't have to do anything.

The hell with anyone who tries to set a timeframe on your grieving.

[harmonicon]

58. You're going to be sad for a long time, and that's fine

If you're like me, you'll go on a long drinking binge, but for the sake of your health, I hope you aren't like me in that respect.

I was dumped last year and was in more pain than I'd ever been in my entire life, and felt completely hopeless. It still hurts some times.

However, I did just meet a woman who I like an awful lot and who also likes me an awful lot. Is she like my last girlfriend who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with? No, she's not. Will things work out with her? I have no idea. What I do know is that there wasn't only one person who was going to like me for who I am and want to care for me, spend time with me, show me affection, etc.

I know that that probably doesn't help. Right now you don't want to think about being with someone else, you want to go back in time and have all of this shit that's hurting you to have never happened, and that's ok - that's a part of it. *but* it did happen, and while it's certainly not ok (no one ever deserves to be hurt, and hurting someone isn't ok), you are still the same person as deserving of love and respect as you were a week ago. In some time you'll be that person and more.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

47. I'm sorry...

That sucks. :hug::hug::hug:

[Maraya1969]

48. I know it sometimes seems like the end of the world but trust me life will

go on. My mother got together with a man at age 66. She's now 76 and I have no doubt that if something happens to her boyfriend she will find another.

But here is a hug to get you through the night.

:hug:

[alarimer]

50. Well good for your mom.

Maybe I just need to move away from here. Maybe it's this place.

[struggle4progress]

52. eh ... kissin that frog ain't work ... 3,382,914,260 more to try

[harmonicon]

53. shit, that sucks

I'm sorry
:hug:

[redqueen]

55. I'm sorry...

hope you feel better soon. :pals:

[cherish44]

57. Ah, you'll be just fine....

And as a woman of a certain age (over 35) I can attest that the number of available straight guys in my age range that are not douchebags, players or middle-aged babies is very minuscule.... and then you have to deal with those good ones who feel they need someone younger (to bear his children, boost his ego, whatever) Do whatever you need to do. I was single for a long time after my marriage ended and I got my groove back in my own time and on my own terms. I looked at certain friends of mine who stayed with total losers who treated them like crap just because they couldn't be alone and said Forget That! Oh and DU guys, you rock! INTELLIGENT, LIBERAL GUYS ARE A TREASURE TO BEHOLD! (there are none of this kind here in Redneckistan)

[alarimer]

61. He is a liberal guy

It's not like we agreed on everything but on most things we did.

But around here there are so few like that.

[Strong Atheist]

65. You have my complete sympathy.

:pals:

I am done with romantic relationships, period.

[Jamastiene]

67. People fucking suck.

Lately, I have figured out women are no better than men. People, in general, suck. Call me a speciesist. I don't care. I AM a speciesist. People suck. I'd rather play my game online and cuddle up to my cats when it's time for bed. To hell with people. They all hate me anyhow. Lately, the feeling has been mutual too and I'm fine with that.

:hug:

[dembotoz]

70. The curse of being shy.....

similar has happended to me.

Don't give up, please don't give up

Does "the one" exist????

I really don't know. I would like to think so. but
I have had a spouse die-if she was the one
does that mean i am screwed forever???

What i do have is some hope.
sometimes more hope, sometimes less hope.
and sometimes almost no hope....
But I DO hope that I and you find
THAT ONE--or a close enough approximation of that one.
Someone who will understand your and my introvertion and
that they will be patient.
Because we are both worth it.

[alarimer]

74. We both are kind of introverted

Although he is less shy than I am. He is a little bit reserved too. So maybe we each need someone a little more extroverted than we are. I don't know.

I generally don't believe in "the one". I mean what if "the one" lived in China? We'd never meet probably.

So there might be the one right now or the one in this town.

All my life I have felt like no one got me.

I am not going to give up but I am going to try and figure out what I can learn from this and how I can be a better communicator.

[Midlodemocrat]

71. He doesn't deserve you.

He's a loser and a moran and a total fuckwit.

You're better off.

:hug:

[Shell Beau]

72. I am sorry. I hope it is for the better.

:( :hug:

[Sky Masterson]

73. Sorry about that

Not all guys are turds though.
I hope you find someone worthy of your love. :hug: