Let's Write Laura Bush's Memoirs

[Ellen Forradalom]

The first few entries are courtesy of me and KitchenWitch.

Jan 20, 2001. Thank god the swearing in is over. Settling in with a cigarette and a book.
Jan 21, 2001. More smokes and a book.
Jan 22, 2001. Popped some Xanax, dyed my hair, lit up, finshed my book.

Your turn!

[HopeHoops]

1. "How I Found Curious George - And How I Couldn't Get Rid of Him"

[greenbriar]

18. I am actually reading Barbara Bush's 1994 memior and she is a piece of work

used it as a bully platform to drop names

talk badly about people and voice all her complaints

[Tangerine LaBamba]

2. Jan. 23, 2001 -

"I think George fell down. Out there, on the landing. Took another Xanax."

[Liberal Veteran]

3. May 2, 2006: I hate the new doorman at the Mayflower and the room service has gone downhill.

May 5, 2003: Damned if those curtains don't look just like that dress I burned a hole in with my cigarette.

[Ellen Forradalom]

4. Jan 24, 2001

This Howard Zinn book is fascinating. I didn't know half this stuff. I have to lock it in the china cabinet when I hear George coming back from the oval office.

[KitchenWitch]

5. January 26, 2001

I think I may have to switch to valium. God I hope all the Americans don't find out I ran over and killed my boyfriend with my car when I was in college and under the influence.

[Arugula Latte]

6. January 27, 2001

Think I overdid it on the Botox. Can't move face to chew; must put all food in blender and suck it through straw.

[Ellen Forradalom]

7. Jan 28, 2001

Don't tell anyone but I voted a straight Democratic ticket.

[givemebackmycountry]

8. January 15th 2002

Had an appointment today with the gynecologist, he extracted a pretzel.
Apparently, George choked on more than one.

[grace0418]

9. 01100111 00100011 110010011011011010 01001100101010 010010011

Bushbots don't write very interesting memoirs.

[Oeditpus Rex]

10. Nov. 6, 1963

Ran a stop sign, hit Mike's car and killed him. Thank God for Miltown and Daddy's friends.

[krispos42]

11. November 8th, 2000...

Dear Diary,

Oh Christ, he won.

Well, maybe he didn't win... they're still recounting in Florida. But I can't believe it's even this close to begin with! The base, plus enough independents... idiots, really. I mean, hell, the base doesn't care who get in there as long as he's cutting taxes and gutting social programs. But the independents?!?!? Damn, how stupid are they??? Have they SEEN my husband??? Have they HEARD my husband???? HE STILL MAKES FART JOKES!!! "Jenna, pull my finger!" 3, 4, 5 times a day.

I actually caught him once farting into a couch cushion as he was sitting up so the foam would suck in the smell until the next sorry soul plopped down on the sofa.

God, now he'll be insufferable. "I'm gonna be Pres'dent too! Just like my daddy!" Hopefully the American people are smart enough to give him a single term, also just like his daddy.

It's going to make him randy again, the thought of all those megatons of nuclear... oh, sorry, NUKULER weapons he'll have at his command. I don't know if I can deal with him anymore. The swaggering idiot's about a good as foreplay as he is at finding oil in Texas. And oh, god, I can't deal with the puppet shows an the double-entendre "Bush" jokes. The man has all the subtlety of a linebacker.

I think I'm going to have to seek a pharmaceutical solution to this problem. I wonder if Pfizer makes some kind of anti-Viagra. I bet what's-his-face, Bob Dole, would know.


Or Liddy Dole. Yeah, she's know for SURE.

Are all the White House interns female? God I hope not. Although at this point I'm willing to experiment.

Ah... Jim, my old friend, you won't let me down, will you? No, you never do. You and José and Jack and the Captain... always there for me. Keeping the darkness away. You guys make me blurry, and blurry is best.

What, ho, is this? It's the Captain. Captain and his good friend Cola. Well, Pepsi, actually, but any port in a storm, right, Captain? Right?

Cheers!

Oh, hellooooooooo Captain. Wow. Captain, you're making feel warm all over. Ah do declare you're giving me the vapors!

Mmmmm... and the bubbles tickle my nose.

President Bush II: Electric Bugaloo!!! Scares me sober! Oh, Captain, can you do anything about this?

Oh yes, yes you can, Mr. Captain!11! I feel so warm inside. Wow I think i puta littl etoo much in the glass that time captain! Your ina rush arnt you, you naughty sailor! Youra naughti saleor boy arn't you/

oh kaptin i thinc ive had a little two mutch to drinkk> Your ahorny littel devel tryin to take advantage of a ladyy while shes dimo-, dyme, dimish-, ah fuckit, drunk. Whell kapten i think youd bettar putt meto bed now, sho'enuff.

U can join me as long as your a proper gentledude, dude. Butt 2st, mi nitely prayers1. 'Deer lord let Al take Florida, amen, brothr".


Now eye lay mee down 2 sleeppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp...

[KitchenWitch]

12. !!!

:rofl:

[krispos42]

15. Lose another keyboard?

:rofl:

[lutefisk]

13. Nice. . . n/t

:thumbsup:

[libodem]

14. That was way too good

[PBS Poll-435]

16. Wow.

Just Wow

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:



That needs to be on the front page of DU asap.

Or the NYT.

[greenbriar]

19. OH my GWD I woudl so rec this post

that is awesome

[rurallib]

17. May 1, 2003

Diary:
WTF does Junior have stuffed in his pants? Jesus that codpiece could hold all the Bush men's equipment. Is Georgie trolling for some military stud tonight? Next thing you know he'll dress some boy up like a reporter and sneak them in to the White House.
Thank God for Xanax! - I'll never have to deal with that 'mission accomplished' bullshit anymore. When he found out I was pregnant with the twins he kept running around going "I got the mighty sperm. I am the sperm man!" on and on.

[greenbriar]

20. That is why I aborted the next one. I could NOT stand GWB to have a son

could you imagine?

[Lyric]

21. September 13th, 2001

"Goddamnit. If somebody doesn't tell The Idiot where Cheney's 'undisclosed location' is, I'm going to go the fuck off. He's been weeping and blubbering in fear for two nights now, and I'm damned tired of having to waste my Xanax by dropping them into his strawberry milk. Just tell the poor bastard where Daddy Cheney is so he can calm the fuck down, and *I* can get some G-D sleep!!"

[greenbriar]

22. and how dare those ungrateful people get themselves killed in the first place

now I have to act all sorrowful and that god awful babs and smelly poppy will be up in our business and trying to tell jr what to do

it is bad enough telling jr that he is "better" than his daddy, but to have to lie while daddy is here well not enough prozac in the world can pull that off

[jobycom]

23. After the wreck, the doctor gave me a pill. I don't know much after that.

Sometimes I dream I'm married to the president and I wake up in the White House, but then I roll over and see the monkey and wonder why he smells like beer.

It's all been colors and haze since that day, and I don't know why people ask me to write anything. The stars are full of pinpricks of time that dance like tiny narwhals through my consciousness, tickling my mind with their tusks of laughter and glow.

[Ellen Forradalom]

24. I knew someone was going to sneak a narwhal in here

Pass the bottle of Zonkex, I need to see them too.

[jobycom]

25. Come on, give me some credit! I worked hard on that narwhal, I didn't just "sneak" him in!