Dear Mom, Step-mom, and Dad,

[dolo amber]

Please stop calling me on my cell phone when I am at work. I am generally at work during the hours of 9AM to 5PM, Monday through Friday. I am pretty confident I have mentioned this to you all at least 14 or 15 million times. Additionally, my workplace has not yet succumbed to the hobo economy to the point that we cannot afford phones. You all have this number, in fact I cleverly programmed it myself into your phones. You'll find it cleverly located under "Diane Work" which is also cleverly located underneath the entry for "Diane". Please scroll down one space if you wish to call me during the hours of 9AM to 5PM, Monday through Friday.

I also currently have access to what is known as an "electronic mail", or in the common parlance of the kids today, "email". This is a very effective means to reach me. I can even receive them on my cell phone...while at work! I can even sometimes answer them back, from my cell phone...while at work! Another fun thing to do is to send a "text message". You simply type in the message you would like to send me, and hit send. We live in an amazing time.

If none of these methods of communication are acceptable to you, I ask that at the very least you don't leave me 5 MINUTE LONG VOICEMAILS THAT BEGIN AND END WITH HEAVY SIGHING AND THE WORDS "I don't know WHY I EVEN BOTHER to call you, you never pick up your phone..." No, dear parents, I do not pick up my cell phone while at work, generally between the hours of 9AM and 5PM, Monday through Friday. You see, I am usually WORKING at that time. Up to and including being asshole-deep in a dismantled laptop with tiny fragile parts scattered all over my desk that I need to pay very close attention to where they came from and where they need to go. Do you want your brain surgeon to answer his/her parents cell phone calls while working? I think not.

Thank you in advance, my adoring parents, for your compliance in this matter.

Sincerely, your incredibly perplexed at to WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM UNDERSTANDING THIS daughter,

Diane

[flvegan]

1. Brilliant!

:rofl:

I could have written the "voicemail" part of this.

:rofl:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. oh my god, i love you.

[AlCzervik]

3. :-)

can i steall that and send it t my sister, she's been calling me 5 times a day since she got laid off.

[av8rdave]

4. ..

:spray:

Brilliant!

[PeaceNikki]

5. To be fair, you rarely pick up your phone outside of the hours as defined in your post.

Just sayin'.

Or is that just when I call?

[Magrittes Pipe]

6. Even I know that if I need to get ahold of you at work, I call you at work.

And I'm a fucking idiot. :shrug:

[Rhythm]

7. *Standing Ovation*

:yourock: