My poem about Death..."Death's Victory"

[CaliforniaPeggy]

I stagger upon the path
I bleed inside

You are torn from me
Into the dark earth
forever

The thread that tied us
Is snapped
By death
He laughs at me
He has won
He has taken my prize

The journey that I never wanted to stop
Being on
Is over

A silver tear runs down my cheek
It stands for all my tears
But now you’re not here
To kiss it away

My body spasms
But not with joy
I howl against my loss

The wild birds spill
Their notes in the trees
But I don’t hear them
Anymore

The sun tracks overhead
But you are my sun
And you have fled my skies

Now that angry red ball
Slides into the sea
I am left in darkness

They say there is security in death
But I will not know
Till I join you there

[Haole Girl]

1. Oh Peggy

:cry: :cry: :cry:

This is your best, yet.

:cry:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Haole Girl!

Thank you...

Sorry it made you cry, still...

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

3. I've been thinking about death a lot, lately, for several reasons

It's as if you were inside of my mind and pulled out thoughts I was unable to describe. I don't know how you do it... time & time again. It's really, truly, ironic! :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. I must be psychic...

:hug:

[NYC_SKP]

5. I'd share that with my mom, but not yet.

I was with Mom at the hospital an hour ago, Dad's been there for 12 days now and may not come home.

How tenderly did Mom hold Dad's wrinkled wrist to her face.

We're hopeful, and your poignant poem ends on a very nice and thoughtful note for that time that inevitably will come.

Thank you. :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. My dear NYC_SKP...

Yes, I think this might be too much for your mom just now...

It's such a grand thing to love someone that much for so many years, but oh my god, the tearing wrench at the end...

I wanted to convey that sense here...

I hope I did.

Thank you... :hug:

[oshyposhy]

7. 8 years ago today my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer

Thank you for sharing your poem.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. My dear oshyposhy...

Oh, sweetie...I'm so sorry...

Today. What a huge coincidence...

I live to share...

Thank you, sweetie...:hug:

[Pool Hall Ace]

9. I have been thinking alot about death lately

in fact, just before I logged on to DU, I was reading up on Dr. Kevorkian.

This poem is so incredibly touching, but I am wondering, Peggy, who "He" is.



Edited to add the I realize that "He" is the personification of death. :doh:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. My dear Pool Hall Ace...

Since I'm not getting any younger, and now my parents are very old, I too spend much time thinking about death...

Thank you for your incredibly kind comments...

And your realization is correct..

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

10. peggy

I can't read this yet

to many memories

will book mark for a better day


:hug:


lost

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. My dear lost...

Ah, sweetie...

I'm so sorry...

I hope that one day you will be able to read it without weeping ...

Thank you for bookmarking!

:hug:

[NanceGreggs]

11. Sweet Peggy ...

... you never cease to amaze.

Beautifully done.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

15. My dear Nance ...

Ah, sweetie...

Thank you so much.

You know how much I value your comments...

:hug:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

13. Peggy, that is simply wonderful.

Your words summon imagery and emotion.

Bravo. :hug: :loveya:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

16. My dear SalmonChantedEvening...

Oh, thank you!

These are just the things I wanted to express...

And I hoped I had...

Thank you for telling me!

Blessings on you...:loveya: :hug:

[nuxvomica]

17. I especially liked these lines:

The wild birds spill
Their notes in the trees
But I don’t hear them
Anymore

You've captured that sense when suffering a loss that even the usual sources of joy become a burden. The birds "spill" their notes because everything suddenly has so much crude weight. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole poem.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

18. My dear nuxvomica...

Thank you so much...

It's funny...That phrase about the wild birds I had written some days ago, as a fragment that I thought would work someplace, I wasn't sure where...

And then, while writing this poem, I thought of it again, and it seemed perfect.

I'm so honored that you enjoyed my work so much!

:hug:

[stewartcolbert08]

19. Bravo Peggy!

:applause: I love it! I can feel all your words I absolutely love it!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

20. My dear stewartcolbert08!

Wow, sweetie!

And I can feel your joyful enthusiasm!

Thank you so much...

I'm so glad!

:hug:

[Iggo]

21. Yikes!

Nicely done.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

22. Why, thank you, my dear Iggo!

I was hoping for this reaction!;)

Glad it scared....I mean, glad you enjoyed it!

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

23. Kick!

:kick:

[Lethe]

24. Very Eloquent

I like it!

:)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

25. Thank you, my dear Lethe!

I'm so glad you do, sweetie!

:hug:

[bluesbassman]

26. Awesome work Peggy.

You have voiced the great anguish one feels when confronted with the death of a loved one. It is a bittersweet expression of love, life, and loss. Well done.;( :hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

27. My dear bluesbassman!

This is what I was trying to do...

Thank you, sweetie...

I wanted my grief (imagined grief, I mean) to come off the page.

Sounds like I succeeded.

Thank you, sweetie!

:hug:

[Maestro]

28. Wonderful poem Peggy!

Somber and poignant. Question: When you write your poetry do you pay attention to the meter or does it just flow? For example, do you say to yourself, "I am going to write using iambic pentameter or something along those lines? Once again, beautiful poem.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

29. My dear Maestro!

Oh, I thank you! I really wanted this one to have those qualities...

As to the meter: I pay no attention to it; it just flows. When I get really lucky, or in the poetic groove that I love, then a certain rhythm sets up. But I cannot force it; it just happens.

Thank you so much, sweetie...

:hug: