Are people actually attracted to partners who remind them of their parents

[Juche]

I know, but hear me out.

A few weeks ago I was googling the name of a woman I loved in college and found out that she had gotten married to someone else back in January. Finding this out has mostly been benign and not really hurtful, but it has unleashed a tangle of emotions in me, one of which is trying to figure out why I felt that way about her and not any of the other dozens of women I had crushes on or was attracted to back in college. Of all the women I've known in my life I think this was the only one I'd care if she got married.

So researching the subject I eventually found this book.

http://www.familytherapyarena.com/books/Falling-in-Love-isbn9780415951876

Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose



And it is supposedly an academic treatise on the who, what, when, where, why and how of romantic love, ie why do we fall in love with one person and not another. I just bought it so I haven't been able to read it, but looking at the table of contents it says

"Part II: Unconscious Romantic Choices, Our Romantic Attraction Code. Openness to Love. The Son Falls in Love With "Mother," The Daughter With "Father." The Unconscious Romantic Image."

Is there legit psychological evidence to back that up? Are people really attracted to people who remind them of their parents? I always thought that was just a lazy, discredited freudian idea and never gave it much credibility.

If so, I'm fucked as I don't want to date a woman who acts like my mom. She is a decent person, but she is a shut in who is emotionally unavailable and intellectually boring. Tell you more you say? no.

[Sky Masterson]

1. I think there is some truth to that.

My oldest sister married a man who was a piece of dung and reminded me of my father.
As for my own preference. My late mother was a saint and a hard worker.
But she waited on my father like he was a king. She wasn't book smart but she had a great sense of humor.
There are certain aspects of her personality that I would love in a mate.The humor,the work ethic, but not the waiting on me hand and foot or the lack of ability to have long and deep conversations about current issues.
I think it's a factor but not a road map to attraction.
Hell I'm also attracted to females who are nothing like my mom.

[BreweryYardRat]

2. If I ever meet anyone who significantly reminds me of my mother...

I will do my best to break the land speed record as I bolt in the opposite direction.

Anyone who's ever seen my occasional posts about her knows why.

[PassingFair]

3. My parents made a CONSCIOUS choice to marry people who were NOT like THEIR parents.

Both had overbearing, manipulative parents.

My parents were WONDERFUL, but the In-Laws
HATED each other!

I think this would happen only if people functioned
in a mode of unawareness.

My husband is quite like my father, though, easy-going
and not too concerned about money.

(Sometime this drives me CRAZY now that our teenagers
are starting to get expensive!)

[cherish44]

4. Me personally...no

My ex hubby though...he's now with a woman who is just like his mother. Domineering. Some guys WANT to be whipped

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. a lot of people i have dated have mentioned i am a lot like their mother

from simple things, like the way i construct my sentences to being bossy.

i remind people of their mothers :)

[kwassa]

6. What we grow up with becomes our norm in life.

Many unconciously chose mates like their parents. This is because the type of relationship the parents have with each other is imprinted upon the children as the normal relationship. It is the one the children grow up with, the chief model of a couple together.

This works for good and for bad. Children of abusive parents often become abusers themselves, children with emotionally healthy parents themselves become emotionally healthy.

[sammythecat]

7. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

In my own case, no.

All kinds of variables involved here. I don't think there's any kind of genetic predisposition for being attracted to someone closely resembling a parent.

[NewJeffCT]

8. I've heard that expression

but, both women I married were definitely different than my mom - my mom is almost anal about her being organized and is an obsessive cleaner. My wife & ex-wife are both unorganized and the opposite of anal. Both wives are also more outgoing than my mom.

However, I would say that I'm like my ex-wife's dad a bit: quiet, easy-going, hard-working, somewhat boring.

[redqueen]

9. It's not that simple... but yes.

I'm not sure how it works for people with healthy families... but in my experience yes, I did seem to seek out people who treated me the same way my father did. From what I understand, this was so that I could try to somehow re-create a situation in which I could get the love from this new father figure that I didn't get the first time around.

[Tikki]

10. Noooooo....

oooooooo. Not even close.

Tikki