Run! Run away as fast as you can!

[gbate]

This is what I want to tell my 15 year old son. He has a girlfriend who goes to one of those fundie mega-churches. The girl lives in a tiny apartment with lots of extended family members. (section 8, I believe)
Does it make me a snob to not want my boy hanging with this girl and her family??

[Bunny]

1. Yes you are a snob. What does section 8 have to do with anything?

[FloridaJudy]

2. Oh ick. Been there, done that.

I knew my son's relationship was doomed when I visited the apartment he shared with his girlfriend. His shelves were filled with Kurt Vonnegut and Noam Chompsky: she had the entire "Left Behind" series. Religious differences can be overcome, but we're talking about a completely different set of values here. I'm not fussy about what others call God, or even if they believe in Her at all. How they treat their fellow human beings does matter a lot to me, and I'm not happy with the attitude of most mega-churches in that respect.

And please, please talk with son about birth control! Hell, buy him a couple of gross of good quality condoms, and make sure he knows how to use them. Don't count on the girl to be sensible about this: chances are her family believes in abstinence-only sex education. The last thing you want is to see the local equivalent of Daddy Palin storming up your front stairs with a shotgun.

I've been in that situation, and while it finally worked out for the best, it was awfully ugly for a while.

[Shell Beau]

I guess I can see the part about you not liking that she goes to

a big fundie church, but the girl can't help where she lives. Maybe they are just trying to survive in this economy. Plus maybe your son could learn something from it. Really what does it matter that it is Section 8?

[Chan790]

3. No.

It's not snobby. I find it utterly reasonable to want your children to live the values and ideals you raised them with. I don't see what her section-8 housing status, religion or the number of occupants of her apartment has to do with anything though.

Is she a nice girl with a good head on her shoulders or a mindless sheep conservative?

[surrealAmerican]

4. Assuming this girl is the same age as your son, ...

... where she lives and what church she attends are not completely her choice. Many people who grow up with fundamentalist parents reject those beliefs. Give the girl a chance, she may be a good kid, and your son's influence may be critical to her sanity.

[gbate]

5. It's not a good neighborhood.

My son is not street-smart.

[Heidi]

6. Lots of people live in "not good" neighborhoods and they're fine people.

Everyone comes from somewhere. Who's to say your son won't gain something from getting outside whatever better neighborhood you're raising him in?

[Odin2005]

7. Yes, you are being a snob.

1. What does getting Section 8 have to do with anything? I get it and know many good people who get it.

2. As another poster said, she probably has no choice when it comes to the church she goes to. There are lots of stories of non-believers who got thrown out of the house onto the street because they came out of the closet to their fundy parents.

[Heidi]

9. :thumbsup:

I :loveya: you. My mom grew up dirt poor, the daughter of a fundamentalist mother and a very conservative Catholic father. She graduated high school a year ahead of her peers, worked her way through college and university, earned both a bachelor's and a master's and had a successful teaching career before she retired. During that career, she and my dad put us three kids through college: a journalist (me), an engineer (my brother) and a home economics major (my sister, who's now livin' the good life in south Florida). I'm really, really glad my dad's parents didn't say to my dad, "Run the other way! She comes from poor people and her mom's a fundy."

There's no tellin' what a young person might become, regardless of their upbringing and living circumstances. Poor, fundy and young don't spell "bad person" by a long shot.

[Odin2005]

12. Your mom is awesome!

My GF's parents are very poor immigrants from Mexico and are very socially conservative Catholics who aren't happy that their daughter is now an agnostic living with an atheist gringo. :rofl:

[Heidi]

14. Love and respect are all that matter.

If you're good to their daughter and she's good to you, what else matters?

I see by your profile you were born in 1986. Congratulations on being wise beyond your years, my sweet. That's something we can all aspire to. :hug:

[Odin2005]

15. Thank you!

Growing up as a quiet nerd in a dirt-poor hick town of 500 people in NW Minnesota can do that to a person. :hug:

[lunatica]

8. I don't think you're a snob

I think you're a worried parent who cares deeply about your son getting involved with someone who goes to a mega-church. The fact that you even ask if people think you're a snob shows you aren't.

[av8rdave]

10. The section 8 issue is irrelevant. However,

the mega fundie church thing would scare me. Just my opinion.

[FloridaJudy]

17. Yeah. It's the fundie mega-church aspect

That gives me the creeps - the housing not so much. My own kid lives in Da Hood now. It's run-down as hell, but the neighbors are great. Of course it probably helps that his car and mine and plastered with Obama stickers: we fit right in.

[LynneSin]

11. Before you judge the girl - meet her and get to know her

It's not her fault that the family is section 8 and she may not buy into the religious beliefs that her family has.

And then I'd have a serious talk with your son about using condoms.

[ogneopasno]

13. Yup, snob, for the reasons others have said. You seem to have a bigger problem with the

apartment and living arrangements than the church. Lots of kids are stuck going to the churches their parents go to.

[badgerpup]

16. You are right to be concerned for your son...

FWIW, I didn't get a "Section 8 ZOMG HUMAN TRASH!" vibe from your post...you were just including it as a bit of information as to why there were so many people in the apartment.

Are communication lines open between you and your son? An attractive (using that in the old sense) 15 year old girl is a powerful motivator for a young man to join a church, even briefly...
Depending on the person, they'll either fall in with the easy, "don't ask questions, don't think, just do what we tell you or GAWD will punish you!" mindset, or they'll see it for a load of hooey and leave both the church and the 'attractant'...hopefully without having caused more long-range complications for themselves in the process.

If you, or somebody you trust can do this, in a non-judgemental mannner...make sure your son is fully conversant with how human biology is geared toward reproduction, and how it's NOT a good idea to start doing so when you're fifteen, and HERE IS HOW TO AVOID IT if one thing sorta leads to another and he finds himself in a place that his northern head wasn't expecting.

You say your son isn't street-smart. Acquiring street smarts is often a painful process.
It's hard to stand back and let him take his lumps, but you aren't doing him any favors in the long run by keeping him 'safe' from everything.
You are raising him to be a grown-up, an adult...and one that you'll be proud of.

Good luck...:hug: