Okay, so a piece of string goes into a bar...

[JeffreyWilliamson]

...and climbs up onto a bar stool. The bartender comes over and the string asks, "Bartender, can I get a drink?". The bartender says, "No, we don't serve drinks to strings!". The bartender then turns around and points to a sign on the wall behind the bar that reads, "No service to strings".

So the piece of string walks outside depressed, and then an idea comes to him--he needs a disguise! Reaching up, he frays up his string on the top end, and then reaching down, frays up his string on the bottom end. To top it all off, he ties a big knot in the middle of himself.

Proud of himself and his great idea, he confidently goes into the bar and climbs back onto the bar stool. The bartender comes over and the string asks, "Bartender, can I get a drink?". The bartender responds, "Say, aren't you that piece of string that came in here a minute ago?"

To which the string responds, "Why, no, I'm a frayed knot".

[jobycom]

1. At least it didn't turn into Donald Rumsfeld and the Brazillian year old joke.

Close, but at least not that.

[mwooldri]

14. Defense Secertary Gates was giving President Obama his daily briefing...

Mr. Gates told the President, "Yesterday 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed in Iraq."

Taken aback by this news, the President was visibly distraught. Now Mr. Gates knew that the President had a heart but didn't expect this news to take him back this badly.

After a moment or two, the President said, "I thought the Iraqi's fired Blackwater already."



Sorry I can't turn this Bush joke into an Obama one that makes any sense.

[hibbing]

2. giggle

Hi,
Thanks for that one, I like these types of jokes!

Peace

[qwertyMike]

3. I thought we were heading into string theory

and all that intellemelectual Stephen Hawking stuff.
Phew

Good joke.

Now did you ever her the one about the ..... priest, rabbi .. .. oh, forget it

[DarkTirade]

10. A priest, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

[pokerfan]

12. An engineer, doctor, and pastor were golfing

and found themselves waiting for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

[Richard Steele]

4. wow, NM

[RandomThoughts]

5. I think it is good

to not be afraid, nice joke. :)

[lildreamer316]

6. We know this joke so well @ my house, we just say the punchline..

and commence laughing hysterically.

[JeffreyWilliamson]

13. We spent too many nights telling just the punchline in my house...

My dad traveled a lot and brought home a lot of awful jokes. That was one of the best, and most awful of them.

He loved coming home from out of town and telling my brother and I those jokes. Regardless of how bad they seem today, we laughed our butts off at them at the time.

I still laugh at that one every now and then.

[Skittles]

7. I was sure this would be a tampon joke

yes INDEED

[hibbing]

8. snort

Hi,
Oh boy, and once again it is confirmed that this is the place I need to be hanging out in DU.

Peace

[Skittles]

11. aw like you ever really needed any confirmation, hibbing

you know you're just as twisted as the rest of us :hi:

[hibbing]

20. shhhhh

Hi,
Dang it, I was hoping to lay as low as I could! Now that I have been exposed, look out!

Peace

[old mark]

15. Not bloody likely....nt

[Skittles]

16. THAT'S IT, OLD MARK

YOU'VE BEEN CRUISING FOR AN ASS KICKING LATELY :7

[old mark]

17. As long as you wear those

high heels......

mark

[Skittles]

22. I'VE NAMED THESE MY OLD MARK SHOES

YES INDEED

[old mark]

25. Them's the ones, all right!

I feel better already.


mark:eyes:

[Skittles]

21. dup

[BlueJazz]

9. 2 Car antenna's fell in love ...got Married...The Wedding wasn't much but the Reception was Great.

[old mark]

18. Did you know Sigmund Freud was a chef? He invented a famous dish -

Freud Chicken.


mark

[hibbing]

19. Colonel

Hi,
I love it, thanks for that one!

Peace

[Tom Kitten]

23. That's hilarious!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4073165

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8235784#8235921

I first heard it on Prairie Home Companion years ago but it's still funny!

[DemBones DemBones]

24. A skeleton goes into a bar

and orders a beer and a mop.