What I won't do for my pooch. He had a vet visit to have his anal glands "expressed" this morning.

[Lil Missy]

I know, the groomer always takes care of that, but he's getting old. He's been acting strange "in that way", so I felt some intervention was necessary before I could get him into the groomer. (Which takes at least 2 weeks.)

His ass is happy, so my ass is happy.

It's a good thing I love the little shit. :eyes:

[Pool Hall Ace]

1. I add a teaspoon of canned pumpkin to my dog's meals.

This helped to eliminate the butt-scooting. As I understand it, canned pumpkin leads to firmer stools, which leads to the anal glands expressing themselves.

I'm glad both of your asses are happy! :hi:

[Lil Missy]

3. That's what they told me when I found out about this problem in an emergency situation.

He has happy ass now! :bounce:

[Gormy Cuss]

2. So that's why you called me a butthole.

One track mind today. :eyes:




I'm glad your pooch is happy.

[Lil Missy]

4. Thanks! And my butt was fine!

Pooch is happy now. :)

[Captain Hilts]

5. My cat shot hers at some of us while being examined at the vet's office. nt

[Lil Missy]

6. Cats do that too??? Oy vey!!

[Captain Hilts]

9. That was the first I knew of it! I wanted to burn, the bury my clothes. nt

[Lil Missy]

10. I would too! Yuk! And that's why I took the dog to the vet for this.

Besides being stinking disgusting, he'd tear my hand and arm off if I messed with his asshole. Some boundaries are not meant to be crossed!

[fizzgig]

20. my cat did that to an ex of mine once

shot it all over his shirt. it was gross, but i had to laugh because it didn't happen to me.

[Lil Missy]

24. My cat used to piss when he was upset. Always on my ex's side of the bed!

:rofl: :rofl:

[HopeHoops]

7. So THAT's where $tarbuck$ gets that stuff!

Oh wait, maybe that's espresso or something. Nevermind.

[Lil Missy]

12. I'll never visit a Starbucks now.

Yuk!

[lunatica]

8. I learned how to do it myself after a bad gland infection in my dog

She hasn't had any problems since. The infection got so bad that it burst and left a hole which healed over. I said never again. And I've kept my word

[Lil Missy]

13. After that one emergency, my vet said she wouldn't even teach it.

I took her word for it. And it would NOT go over well with my dog if I did it. I'd rather pay someone.

[no name no slogan]

11. You didn't do it yourself?

wimp.

[Lil Missy]

14. Yes I am a wimp. And I have no problem with that. n/t

[Patiod]

15. The butt-slidin' gives it away

When I see him dragging his little dachshund ass across the carpets, I know it's time for the anal glands to get squoze.

[lunatica]

16. That's my cue too, and the incessant butt licking

My dogs have grown accustomed to it. And by the way, it has no smell. It's just oil secreted from glands

[Lil Missy]

17. That's what my dog was doing. I didn't want him to suffer 2 weeks to see the groomer.

They said he was pretty full. Gawd, what a job.

He promptly took a major dump, so I know his ass is happy now. :eyes:

[old mark]

18. Did the vet say," here, we'll show you how to do this at home...."?

Gotta love them dogs - no wonder they decided to hang around humans all those thousands of years ago - they can get us to do anything.


mark

[Lil Missy]

21. No. She said you'd better not try this yourself. And,

there's no way I'd mess with his asshole. He'd bite my arm off.

[Withywindle]

19. Wait, what?

You mean you're SUPPOSED to tutch the but?

[Lil Missy]

22. NO!

[Lil Missy]

23. kick this!

[tandot]

25. My little guy's anal gland was badly infected and ruptured

last month. We never saw him scooting and by the time I got him to the vet, it was already bad. They tried to express it but one was so compacted that they couldn't. It ruptured the next day. He had to be on antibiotics and pain meds for 2 weeks and I gave him warm compresses 2 - 3 times a day.

We'll now go back every 4 weeks to have them express it. They do it "internally" with one finger up his butt. I'll rather have them do that and pay the price :)

[Lil Missy]

31. I just now saw this. Oh, isn't that an awful job? I had to warm compress his ass once.

That was several years ago. I think it was over him getting all constipated resulting in a raw asshole.

I had to hold warm oatmeal compresses to his butthole a couple times a day. Boy, was he ever pitiful acting then. :rofl:

[Captain Hilts]

32. Ooooooooohhhh. nt

[Lil Missy]

33. Yeah. Poor poochie!

[Sheltiemama]

26. My vet offered to teach me how to do that at home.

I'm perfectly willing to pay her to perform that particular service.

[Lil Missy]

27. Me too! He won't even let me cut his toenails!

And he SURE would not like me tutching the but!

My kid was the same way with haircuts. Best to take him to a barber than have CPS after me. As soon as I had scissors in my hand, he'd scream. Not worth it.

[Lil Missy]

28. He's awfully peaceful and quiet tonight. Maybe I should try this.

[Forkboy]

29. I had that done, and I bet I paid more.

:hide:

[Lil Missy]

30. You had that done? My asshole does fine. Cost me $25 for the pooch today.

But that was with no vet exam. And not counting he needs to get groomed more regularly now. (Cause they do that)

They also muzzle him to clip his nails. He hates to have his paws touched. I won't go there.

[Danger Mouse]

34. Why wouldn't you want to do it yourself?

Most people are thrilled about shoving their hand up a dog's stanky ass.

[Lil Missy]

35. Why WOULD I want to do THAT myself?

I know you are just teasing. :)

Seriously, he'd bite my arm off if I messed with his asshole. He won't even let me touch his nails.

I'd get pretty seriously pissed if someone messed with my asshole too. Good thing they put you out for a colonoscopy, or I'd be biting hands off too.

[texanwitch]

36. My neighbor did for his dog.

And then wished he hadn't, he was being cheap.

[Lil Missy]

47. This is NOT a situation in which to be cheap.

I'd rather pay them to be the bad guys. Then I look like I've rescued him when it's over. :D

[Shell Beau]

37. You gotta express those anal glands.

ugh! It is one of the nastier parts of having a dog. That is, if they end up expressing themselves on your, let's just say, pillow case. :puke:

Yes, we love our dogs.

[Lil Missy]

39. Mine cannot "express" his own. It just hurts him and he scootches on his own.

This just came up in the last couple months. When he rubs and itches his butt now, he needs to be squoze.

I'm not going to do it. No way!

[Shell Beau]

40. Oh no! By you, I totally meant the vet!

Be happy they can't be expressed on their own. It is gross. Grosser than gross. It has a terrible smell. Like rotten shrimp or something! :puke:

[Lil Missy]

42. That's what the vet told me. And insisted she would not teach it.

I'd be missing body parts if I messed with his asshole anyway. I'd rather pay someone else to do it!

[Rhythm]

38. Read this story a few years ago... STILL one of the funniest i've ever read

From 2005's "Best of Craigslist"

This morning, I was assaulted by my cat in a way that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. My kitties and I have a morning routine that involves saying goodbye before I walk out the door. I was suited up, ready to go, and I walked over to my dresser to retrieve my keys. As usual, my male kitty was lounging on the dresser, waiting for him goodbye scratches. He stood up to give me my usual nuzzle goodbye, and then the most unholy of acts took place. The friendly feline stretched, and the force of his stretch caused his anal glands to express....all over my face and in my mouth.

Now, a little biology background for those of you who aren't in the know. Dogs and cats have these glands in their anus that get expressed, usually when they defecate. The smell is somewhat akin to rotting bodies that have been dry-rubbed with gorgonzola cheese and then spit-roasted over a pile of burning feces. Yum. Plus, like all organic smells, it tends to bind to fabrics, which makes for a pleasant surprise when your cat rubs its butt on your sheets or couch. But, nothing compares to being sprayed full on in the face with this heinous slime.

At first I thought there was a drip coming from the ceiling. I looked up, puzzled, and then the smell and taste hit me like a ton of bricks. I stumbled blindly to the bathroom shouting, "I've been hit! I've been hit!, puked my breakfast up, and scrubbed my face, including my tongue, for 10 minutes. The smell was still there. I called Michele in a panic and she suggested I called the vet. I threw up again, composed myself, and made the most embarrassing phone call of my life.

Me: "Um...hi. My cats are patients over by you and uhhh...ok. This is going to sound crazy. Heh. Never thought I would make a call like this. Long story short, my cat expressed his anal glands on my face and I can't get the smell off."

Receptionist:" Hmm. Um. Let me get one of the techs on the phone for you."

I was then passed along to about 4 people in the office to explain my story, all the while trying to ignore the howling laughter in the background. The best they can come up with is for me to try rubbing vinegar on my face. Desperate, I try it out. After wincing through the sting and rinsing it off, I realize that I now smell like a delicious ass salad. My face rapidly begins to dry out, making my skin feel tight and itchy. I slap some cream on and scream as the sting intensifies. Scrub, scrub, wash, wash. More panic ensues, and I hop on the horn to Michele once again. I need to get to work, but I can't go out in public smelling like I bathed in eau de cat-ass, can I?

We decide to pull out the big guns, and my final attack on the funky face problem is to dab Febreeze on my face with a cotton swab. Sure, my face is blotchy and itchy from the chemical warfare it endured, but at least I smell predominantly like freshly washed laundry with a slight undertone of a tossed cat ass salad. I am sure all of the odors will wear off eventually, but the mental anguish of unwanted anal play is sure to stick with me for a long while.

[Lil Missy]

41. ROTFLOLOL! I so stole that!

Cat ass salad, indeed! :rofl: :rofl:

[Lil Missy]

43. The pooch is in bliss right now. What says the night crowd.

[Tom Kitten]

44. Sometimes it's good to be born human

Imagine having the need to express your anal glands in polite company...

[Lil Missy]

45. Oh dear! I would not care for that!

:o

[Lil Missy]

46. My pooch is so happy and content tonight.

:)

I love it when his ass is happy. :bounce: