People who hate me, go ahead take your best shot.

[KitchenWitch]

I am kind of defenseless right now.

[LeftyFingerPop]

1. I doubt that anyone in here hates you.

[KitchenWitch]

3. You would be surprised.

:shrug:

I have a strong personality and I know I have pissed a few people off.

[LeftyFingerPop]

15. Well, so do I...

About 10 people have me on ignore.

Fuck 'em.

Be yourself.

[LeftyMom]

2. FYI: anybody dumb enough to take her up on this is going to be in a world of shit.

Kitchy. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

7. Thanks LM

This has been a world class shitty day.

[Midlodemocrat]

22. +1

[Droopy]

4. Who are you kidding? Everybody loves, KW!

:pals:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear KitchenWitch...

Sweetie...

I really don't think anyone here hates you...

Especially after the news you got today...

:hug:

[BarenakedLady]

6. You are awesome

I got nothing.

:hug:

[Odin2005]

8. Wha? Huh? What happened?

:shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

9. I found out today a long time friend of mine passed away on Wednesday.

[Odin2005]

14. Oh no!

:cry: :hug:

[Danger Mouse]

10. How about the people who love you come and give you hugs?

:hug:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

11. I love you

:hug:

[UndertheOcean]

12. I actually LOVE you, you are a good person

[GOPisEvil]

13. ...

:hug:

[Lil Missy]

16. They'd have to get past me first. And honey, please don't do this to yourself.

Tell us about her. Talk to us. Only what you are comfortable with sharing. Private PM's are available to you as well, myself included.

You are a sweetheart, and don't ever forget that. I insist.

:pals:

[Jamastiene]

17. And if anybody does try it, they'll have a wall of people to go through

if they can get through me, which they won't.

I love you, KW. :hug:

[FloridaJudy]

18. You've got an army of us

Backing you up. You do not mess with The Lounge Estrogen Brigade!

[EvilAL]

19. Quiet you!

[Starry Messenger]

20. (((hugs)))

:hug:

[jobycom]

21. You gotta forgive yourself, kiddo.

As I've followed this, anyway, you're beating yourself up worse because of the falling out, and now you sound like you're hating yourself over not making up in time. But you would have, one day, and it's just bad timing that it happened this way, before you could. There's nothing wrong with you, you don't drive people away, and the part of you that comes on strong is also the part of you that people love. Let yourself realize that. Even if you had a falling out, you were still friends, and your friend knew that. In time you'd have made up. It's not your fault that time threw you a curveball.

There's nothing for the grief but to go through it, and there's no cure for the game your brain plays on you, chasing thoughts around in circles, trying to grasp and understand the cause and meaning of everything, of life and loss and love and inevitability and lack of control of the world. All that is just part of the shock. But when you can, let go of the guilt. You can't be any different than who you are, and who you are makes us all love you a ton. You don't have to tear yourself up to honor your friend. You are trying to apologize to her now through your guilt, but it won't help her or you. Better to apologize by forgiving yourself and moving on, and feeling good about what you had and not feeling miserable about what you didn't.

Wish I could say it better than that. I hope you understand how much we all care about you. :hug: