One of my daughter's closest friends was killed in a car accident this morning.

[Dappleganger]

We got back from the dentist this afternoon and just found out.
She is 17 and he was 18, they were all going to graduate together next spring. They have all been friends (him and their little group of 'outcasts') since middle school. He has spent a lot of time over here so all of our kids are upset, too. Our youngest son really loved him.

He was wearing a seatbelt and not speeding, just hit a tree trying to avoid a raccoon in the road.
Please tell me how I can help her and her friend who is living with us for the summer. I'm familiar with death, just not how to go through it as a teenager. Thanks.

[mzteris]

1. oh no!

What a terrible thing to happen.

I don't know what to tell you to tell her, though I lost three friends between middle and highschool - just tell her you love her and give her and her friends a place to grieve and vent. Don't be afraid to remind them of the "good times", the funny stuff about him - to help them focus on something other than just the grief/anger.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: to your daughter & her friends, and your son (and you.)

[mnhtnbb]

2. I"m so sorry. Just let them talk about it. Talk and talk and talk. Remember their friend.

Maybe encourage them to do something in his memory.

[Bassic]

3. Oh no

:( :( :(

That is so horrible....

[Kajsa]

4. I am so sorry,Dappleganger!

That is a horrible tragedy!

:(

As mnhtnbb said, let them talk when they need to.
They will let you know when they want someone to listen.

Let them know it's not only OK to cry,
it's essential for your sanity.

You, your daughter, and the friend's family are
all in my thoughts and prayers.

:hug: :grouphug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

5. What I tell my children is this-

It is okay to cry, it is okay to speak his name. Remember that he'll live on in memories. I'm so sorry.

[Debi]

6. I'm so sorry.

I hope she feels comfortable talking w/you about her emotions. If not a local family conselor might be a good start.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. Encourage your daughter and her friends to do something in his memory...

Planting a tree is kind of nice, because physical labor releases endorphins which will help with the depression. They could also honor him by donating time to a local animal shelter or wildlife rehab center...He must have cared about animals a lot to have made the effort to avoid that raccoon.

Or they might do some other productive activity that will help them channel their grief in a posiive direction.

My heart goes out to you all... :hug::hug::hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. I am so very sorry!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

9. So very sad.

My condolences to all.

[BurtWorm]

10. There's really nothing anyone can say that's going to make it better.

I think if you let her know you're aware of her pain, she won't feel alone with it.

What do I know, right? I only know what it feels like to lose someone you love too young. You just have to go through the pain. It's awful. But you do get through it.

[applegrove]

11. Tell her to cry all the time. That is the only way to do it. Cry. Vibes to them all.

[madeline_con]

12. Yes, what mnhtnbb posted. I know of one way you can pay tribute.

At the memorial, or after the funeral, or when the feelings aren't so raw and heart wrenching, have the group of friends make a DVD of each of them sharing a memory of their friend. A funny story, even some video of the friend mixed in. Make a copy for everyone to keep. Meanwhile, give lots of time and :hug:

[Sigh Sister]

13. This is so terribly sad. I'm so sorry. n/t

[abq e streeter]

14. Others here have given great suggestions for the kids --I have nothing to add except

my profound condolences to everyone who loved him.

[Dappleganger]

15. Thanks so much.

I shared some suggestions with her. Last night a bunch of them met up at Sonic where they hung out and they had a good cry together. Many of us parents stayed out of concern for them and also because he meant a lot to us, too. His father is a detective here and many of us know him--we had his card and he told us to call him anytime we needed *anything*. We'll probably hear about funeral arrangements today.

Trey was a great student, was in the business program and on his way to work at a local credit union. He'd bought his car with his own money that he'd earned, paid insurance on his own, etc. Unfortunately he's the 5th student from his school killed in car accident within the past year so this makes it worse.

Life is so short--hug your kids!

[raccoon]

16. That is so sad. I'm sorry, Dapple. nt

[NJmaverick]

17. I am so sorry to hear that

The best I can offer is to suggest that you offer to take her to a grief councilor. It's very common when there are deaths at this age to offer this service to friends of the victim.

[PfcHammer]

18. Say a prayer for the raccoon and all the animals that get run over

lots of people won't stop even if they can, to avoid an animal in the road.

[Blue Diadem]

19. I'm so sorry Dappleganger.

My deepest sympathy to all those who knew and loved the young man. Like others have suggested, let them know it's ok to grieve and to cry, to talk and to remember him always. Just keep a watch out for those who may go into depression and let them know you're always there for them.