for those of us who are always right, feel free to post some unsolicited advice here

[datasuspect]

i'll start:

just get up off your ass and figure out what you're trying to accomplish. work smarter not harder. if you want the short sale game, go sell used cars. now get the fuck out of my office.

[Juche]

1. Why do people always come to me for advice

I hate it so much. I didn't chooooooooose to have this brain or these life experiences. So I wish people would quit bothering me. veni, vidi, vici. Now leave me alone and maybe if you ask nicely I will regale you with my high quality advice. Now get the fuck out of my office/minivan.

[HopeHoops]

2. Don't pick your nose during a job interview and if you fart in an elevator,

quickly work your way toward the door like you have to get out so someone else will get the blame.

[Javaman]

3. work harder not smarter. work against us not with us. they are laughing at us not with us. nt

[rug]

4. Always wipe.

Regardless.

[Sigh Sister]

57. And always front to back n/t

[Deep13]

5. Stop pumping the accelerator. You're flooding it! nt

[NJmaverick]

7. You're giving away your age

hasn't been a car like that built in over 2 decades:evilgrin:

[Deep13]

16. But, but, but ... floats and needle valves and stuff!

:cry:

[NJmaverick]

17. and chokes and multi barrel

[no name no slogan]

6. Don't trust whitey

[old mark]

42. I AM Whitey, and I don't trust the fucker either!!!!!nt

[NJmaverick]

8. Those who think they are always right

really piss off those of us who do. :rofl:

[datasuspect]

9. i am right

because I'M THE BEST.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

10. fuck the dumb.

[datasuspect]

11. stupid people are there to serve us.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

14. well, as long as they aren't lazy and can perform their tasks to my

satisfaction........................

[BuelahWitch]

12. Don't tug on Superman's cape, don't spit into the wind

Don't pull the mask on the old Lone Ranger and
Don't mess around with JIM! :scared:

[NJmaverick]

15. Is it true that Jim

is big and dumb as a man can come
But stronger than a country hoss?

[BuelahWitch]

59. Yes

And when the bad folks all get together at night you know they all call Big Jim "Boss," just because.

[Dogtown]

13. Whether you think you can or you think you can't:

You're right!


(credit to FG:Stewie)

[arbusto_baboso]

18. Buying insurance is basically betting against yourself.

So, even if you win, you lose. Yes, you may NEED insurance, but don't forget what it really is, and don't go overboard.

[Moondog]

24. In my case this is more likely than not a winning bet.

[malta blue]

19. don't be an asshole.

[KitchenWitch]

20. Put away the screwdriver

[ScreamingMeemie]

21. The best day to go grocery shopping is Tuesday.

[Soylent Brice]

22. when shrooming in the woods always leave extra clothes in the car.

[Shell Beau]

23. Hmmm, isn't this interesting?

[jeff30997]

26. Yes indeed.

Fascinating,really.

[Shell Beau]

27. Beyond fascinating!

:P

It is crazy.

[jeff30997]

29. Indubitably my dear.

A fine example of morbidly sociopathic personality disorders if I may add.:P

[Shell Beau]

30. LOL!

:rofl:

[jeff30997]

32. !

O8)

[ScreamingMeemie]

34. It's true I tell you! Grocery shopping is always best on Tuesday!

[Shell Beau]

36. I know Sunday is the absolute worst day to go!

[datasuspect]

47. did you take your shoes off before you entered my office?

now get the fuck out of my office.

[Shell Beau]

56. Whoa!! My shoes are clean, and my feet take me wherever I like to go.

Sooooooooo, make me.

[TCJ70]

64. A fool finds no pleasure in understanding...

...but delights in airing his own opinions.

[Orsino]

25. It's incredibly dangerous behavior...

...both for you and the penguin--to say nothing of the huge setback you will be dealing to union arbitration.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

28. Brush your teeth; eat your vegetables!

But not in that order...

:eyes:

[jeff30997]

31. An other possibility would be:

Eat your teeth;brush your vegetables!

Sad isn't it ?

[NJmaverick]

33. If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball

[jeff30997]

35. I believe that this fellow is mocking the underprivileged.

At least according to his so high standards of course.

[NJmaverick]

41. who? Patches O'Houlihan?

[datasuspect]

45. did you take your shoes off before you entered my office?

now go home and get your fucking shinebox.

[Fire Walk With Me]

37. Kraftwerk quotes in sig lines very nearly always denote superior intellect.

[datasuspect]

46. how could you possibly be threatened by Kratfwerk?

they only inspired 37% of modern music.

heathens, the whole bloody lot of you.

[Sabriel]

38. The way to have a friend is to...

...pay for a friend.

[suninvited]

39. Don't declaw your cat, it is painful and cruel

that is what I want to tell my coworker who is about to get that done, but she didnt ask for my opinion.

[S n o w b a l l]

40. Don't take any wooden nickels.

That's all.

[Pacifist Patriot]

43. Never ever pass up an opportunity to pee.

Honest to goodness, if you ask my children the question, "What is the one lesson in life your mother wants you to remember?" they will respond with "Never ever pass up an opportunity to pee."

Oh, and Life Isn't Fair

[NJmaverick]

44. That so funny, I give the same advice to everyone that joins

my crew on the volunteer ambulance squad

[EastTennesseeDem]

48. "Double-axeling off a diving board while tripping on acid can't be good for you, son."

-My father

[gratuitous]

49. Never start a thread like this

It can only end badly.

And now you're out of the group of those of us who are always right. I think that just leaves me.

[datasuspect]

50. nah, bottlenose, you got it all wrong

I'M THE BEST

[foxfeet]

51. Learn to control your gag reflex.

[datasuspect]

52. conversely

if it don't fit, don't force it.

[MrSlayer]

53. Don't stick your dick in a fan.

Or a blender.

[sarge43]

54. If you do that, you will be very, very sorry. Have a nice day. n/t

[yellowdogintexas]

55. Always wear clean underwear, you might have a wreck and end up in the emergency

room.

That is all

[rateyes]

58. Don't ever

offer any unsolicited advice, would be my advice.

[Zavulon]

60. If you're unemployed, go get a job. That will take care of it.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

61. NEVER eat anything bigger than your head, no matter HOW tasty it might look.

Just trust me on this one.

[NJmaverick]

62. What the heck are those things?

:wow:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

65. That's haggis...

Haggis is a traditional Scottish dish. There are many recipes, most of which have in common the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately three hours.

Haggis somewhat resembles stuffed intestines (pig intestines otherwise known as chitterlings or the kokoretsi of traditional Balkan cuisine), sausages and savoury puddings of which it is among the largest types. As the 2001 English edition of the Larousse Gastronomique puts it, "Although its description is not immediately appealing, haggis has an excellent nutty texture and delicious savoury flavour".

Most modern commercial haggis is prepared in a casing rather than an actual stomach. There are also meat-free recipes for vegetarians.

Haggis is traditionally served with "neeps and tatties" (Scots: swede, yellow turnip or rutabaga and potatoes, boiled and mashed separately) and a "dram" (i.e. a glass of Scotch whisky), especially as the main course of a Burns supper. However it is also often eaten with other accompaniments, or served with a whisky-based sauce.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haggis

[taterguy]

63. If you're upset about high gas prices don't drive so damn much