Anybody ever gotten "It's either me or the cat (dog)" speech from an SO?

[BuelahWitch]

Who did you pick?

[Curtland1015]

1. No, luckily. But I don't think I'd ever WANT to be with someone who would make me make that choice.

My cat was here first!

[BuelahWitch]

5. That's what I said

Sorry, I've known the cat longer than I've known you! :rofl: Incidentally, my cat didn't like him either and she was VERY human friendly, so I figured he was the problem, not her.

[Arugula Latte]

8. I don't trust men who don't like cats.

Bleah! Stay away. No good! Bad, bad people!

[zanne]

2. From my husband, when we were first married.

I wanted to get a cat. He said he hated them and it was either the cat or him. The next day, I went to a shelter to get a kitten. Luckily, he was taking a nap when I got home. The kitten promptly climbed up the couch and fell asleep on his chest. When he woke up, he saw the kitten and fell in love immediately. We've had cats ever since.

[Blue Diadem]

3. Similar with my husband too.

He never had cats or even been around them but once he met our first one he fell in love. He used to take that cat for rides in the car.

[BuelahWitch]

4. You are lucky!

Who couldn't fall in love with a tiny kitten! :loveya:

[DeepBlueC]

6. take The Cat

If you already have a pet you love and he says 'get rid of it' you can expect that this will only be the first of a continuing series of ultimata.

The pet will be more understanding.

[Arugula Latte]

7. CAT! Hands down.

Can't live without the kitties. :loveya:

[charlie and algernon]

9. I couldn't possibly give my cat up

It would kill me to see her go back to a shelter.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. i wouldnt give up kitty for lisa. much as i love lisa, i know she will be fine without me

whereas kitty is old, has dizzy fits, and almost no teeth. she needs me.

also no way on earth would lisa, ever make me pick between them. she loves me too much

[pitohui]

11. if you picked the cat, then you never loved the human (cats cause significant health issues for many

i have a severe cat allergy, as does my brother

my brother's wife has a cat, and his allergy has now progressed to asthma, he will not live a normal life span since people w. asthma die younger of heart problems (also in the family)

if you don't love me enough to care about my health -- to care about my very ability to breathe -- i don't want you in my life and frankly it scares me that you'd be involved in a serious relationship in anybody's life

but, honestly, most of the true "cat ladies" and cat crazies i know are single...and for good reason -- actually now i'm thinking about it, all of them are single

there is some science that shows that a parasite associated with cats affects some people's minds and judgment, and i honestly believe it does -- a scan of this thread reveals that a majority here love their cats more than their partner and would give up a partner, the person they supposedly love and cherish, for a cat!

our own mother was unwilling to get help for us as children and put down our repeated respiratory diseases and attacks as some kind of mind game we were playing, as if sick children choose to be sick! there is something honestly wrong w. a mother who puts a cat above a child's health but it's easier to understand now that i realize that her mind was almost certainly affected

no one asks someone else to give up a pet lightly, and the person who is not willing to understand how a cat affects a significant portion of the population's health (allergy/asthma is not rare, it's common) is not a mentally healthy person

[cwydro]

14. In my case, allergies had nothing to do with it.

Thank God the presence of the cat brought out aspects of my ex's character that I might not have seen until later.

Turns out the cat is a very good judge of people.

edit for typo

[BuelahWitch]

20. They are a good judge of people, aren't they?

[Schema Thing]

21. some dogs are. Cats, not so much. They're too fucking self absorbed

and I've always had and loved cats, btw; and never had a dog of my own.

[cwydro]

23. Yes, despite a certain other poster's opinion...

I don't think it's anything to do with parasites, lol!:rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

16. Me: Married, with kids, three cats, one bunny,

I have many "cat-crazy" women friends who are married, some have kids. I grew up with cats in a "cat-crazy" family, and my parents were married and I have a sister. So much for your theory about "single" people and cats.

It's one thing if you have allergies, but in my experience, the non-allergy people who don't like cats are the ones with the personality defect.

edited to say: Anyone who comes into a relationship and requests that the other person get rid of a beloved pet (member of the family) is an asshole, pure and simple. THAT is the issue.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

17. "no one asks someone else to give up a pet lightly"

really? because i have heard 1001 people complain, that their bf's have asked them to give up a cat because they didnt like the smell of a litter box.

your experience doesnt jive with reality

[ThomCat]

45. Most of what she posts doesn't jive with reality.

:eyes:

[newcriminal]

49. Aren't personal attacks against the rules here?

[ThomCat]

50. I don't need

someone as nasty and petty as you lecturing me about personal attacks.

[newcriminal]

51. I guess your untouchable.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

52. no, he is just likable. unlike you. nt

[rug]

54. ...

[newcriminal]

56. I really don't care if you like me or not.

I only posted this because he just a couple of days ago posted that people were breaking rules but weren't banned, so they must be untouchable. Hypocrite?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

57. you dont get banned for one reason only. and fyi hypocrite is a personal attack. nt

[newcriminal]

58. I agree with you.

I have never asked for anyone to be banned or even asked why they weren't. I just don't like it when people ask for others to be banned for the same things they are doing. Doesn't make any sense. If you think someone should be banned for personal attacks, call them untouchable and then personally attack someone that makes you a hypocrite.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

59. person has a history of vile personal attacks is different from a possible personal attack

every once in a while. some people here exist for personal attacks. imo the mods/admins take way too long to TS them

[newcriminal]

61. That might be true.

I really don't know anyone that I would say "exist for personal attacks". I still believe it isn't right to personally attack someone and ask them to be banned for personally attacking someone. It wasn't me that he attacked either, well not in the thread I'm talking about.

[BuelahWitch]

19. Yes, people *do* ask others to give up a pet "lightly" if they're assholes

In my case it wasn't a health issue, it was a personality issue. He thought he could boss a cat around like he did everyone else, and when i took issue with him he gave me an ultimatum. At that point I threw him out.

[ThomCat]

47. Good for you. In your case, your cat provided the warning

that this guy was an asshole you didn't need to invest in emotionally. If not for the cat, how much farther into the relationship might you have been before you figured out that he was a manipulative, self-centered asshole? :(

[BuelahWitch]

62. I was starting to pick up on it, but part of me didn't want to see

Then after I knew there was animosity between him and Tisha (the cat) it was obvious that a change had to be made. So yeah, my little girl did me a big favor!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

27. I agree with you completely.

I am allergic to cats, dogs, wool, mold, pollen, dust, yada yada yada.

Grew up in a filthy house with a large hairy dog, no central AC, unbearable heat and humidity (Texas Gulf Coast) so the dirt and dust just blew through. Had a runny nose growing up, spent my childhood blowing my nose. Still have allergies fifty years later and have to take decongestants/antihistamines/prescription eyedrops/cortisone/asthma meds so I can stand myself.

There must be LOTS of people, as you said, who have cats and are oblivious to other peoples' allergies.
I have never been in a house with one or more cats that did not smell like cat pee and shit in a litter box. I have had to stop being friends with people with cats, and also people who smoke. I can't breathe in a house with cats.

When my BF moved in, it was "Love me, love my dogs". He had two sweet little cockers that were not too bright. I love dogs, even though I am allergic to them. So I got attached to the little weasels too, until they died. They did make me itch some, but not nearly as badly as some dogs and all cats do.

Now if he had been a cat person it would have been a deal-breaker.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

41. Of course allergies are a serious concern, but that's not what the OP is talking about.

If your SO has such severe allergies that the pet is making them sick, obviously that has to be dealt with; and maybe the pet will have to go to a new home for the sake of the SO's health. But I don't think that's what the OP was getting at. Where a person wants to get rid of the pet just because they don't like it, or to control or even spite their SO -- well, that's a whole different story. Personally, I wouldn't get involved in the first place with someone who didn't like my cats; but if that did happen and I got the "cats or me" ultimatum, it would be strong evidence that the person was someone I didn't want to be in a relationship with. The cats would win, paws down.

[Withywindle]

44. I don't think that's what this thread is about.

I'm sorry about your childhood experiences. But seems to me the OP is talking about someone who gets involved with someone who already has a pet and THEN starts making demands.

Sorry, but someone who adopts a pet has made a commitment. If the pet's presence predates that of the SO, then the commitment that was made first wins out.

Most of the pet owners I've ever known, are upfront about the fact that they and their pet are a package deal - someone who doesn't like animals or is allergic needs to be aware of that fact going in, and if they can't deal, then they can't deal; nice while it lasted but that's a pretty irreconcilable difference. The pet owner is not at fault for refusing to ditch the loyal companion who loves them more unconditionally than any human ever can. An adult relationship situation is not the same as a child: adults can break up, if they must, and still support and feed themselves.

Being single is better than living with someone you can't trust, and someone who would try to emotionally blackmail me to choose between them and my pet is by definition untrustworthy. If it was a true health condition, I'd expect to know about that before the situation even got to the level where it would be an issue. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and anyone who can't live with my cat would surely be happier with someone else, as would I, and I would let them go with no hard feelings. Most good people would understand and accept that.

[TZ]

63. there is some science that shows that a parasite associated with cats affects some people's minds an

Back up that bullshit with peer reviewed data, thank you. I always want to see people back up their goddamn PREJUDICES with actual data. Bet you can't.

[WolverineDG]

68. I'm allergic to cats & I've got 'em

wouldn't be home without a cat. Or three....but I digress.

I quickly put an end to any relationship in which the other person says they're allergic to cats/hate cats, because that part of my life is non-negotiable.

And I've learned not to trust people who don't like any kind of pet, not just cats.

dg

[cwydro]

12. Oh yes.

I still have her.

[Arugula Latte]

18. Good choice!

She's beautiful! :loveya:

[cwydro]

25. Ah, thank you.

She is fifteen now and evil in her own right.

But you know, she never lies to me...

[Patiod]

13. Well, sort of, and I had to agree

My Dad's dog has been sleeping BETWEEN us, and it's not good for any of us.

So SO finally said "It's me or Frankie" - in terms of sleeping in the bed.

So we're off to the pet store to get Frankie a nice littel doggie-bed for the foot of the bed.

Had to go with the SO on this one. The cat (who is the same size as Frankie) is just fine down at our feet, but Frankie the dachshund wants to be up at our heads. Not good.

[astral]

46. I do believe when it comes to the BED ---

It's perfectly reasonable for a S.O. to speak up if they don't wanna sleep with the dog! (Or the cat, for that matter, 'cept my cat would still be in my bed if I hadn't decided I'm KIND of allergic and the shared sleeping quarters had to change!)

[dembotoz]

15. The phrase is "Love me, love my kids"

pets are like your kids.

[Withywindle]

22. Anyone who tries to give me an ultimatum like that already knows the answer.

I don't do ultimatums. I don't do control freaks either.

But it's not a realistic scenario, or a situation I'm ever likely to be in, because I can't see myself ever being in a serious relationship with anyone who doesn't love animals. That's a dealbreaker for me, and it's the kind of thing you usually find out about on the first or second date, so the relationship would never progress to that point.

[mysuzuki2]

24. The dog IS my SO!

[Rob H.]

26. No

I haven't dated anyone in a while, but if I were to have to choose I know what my response would be: "'Bye, then."

There are women out there who don't like cats, but those women are definitely not for me. Look at this face--I love her to pieces and there's no way she's going anywhere.

[BuelahWitch]

28. She is gorgeous!

:loveya: Is she a tabby-Siamese mix? Love the blue eyes!

[Rob H.]

35. Summer says, "Thank you"

Yep, she's a tabby-Siamese mix--one look into those baby blues at the shelter and I knew she was the kitty for me. She's also really chatty, which I just love. I wish I had two more just like her. :)

[Frosty1]

34. She is beautiful

:hi:

[Rob H.]

36. Thanks!

She's just a great kitty all the way around. :hi:

[rug]

29. Cat.

[newcriminal]

43. I keep telling that damn man that the cat will be named as a complaint in the Divorce papers.

He is much nicer to the cat than me. Woogie Woogie Woogie Woo!!

[graywarrior]

30. Ha ha, Mr Gray suggested finding a home for Kamere (because frankly, the cat is fucking nuts)

and harped on it for a few weeks. So I created a FREE CAT flyer, printed it out and told him to come with me so I could pin them up all over town. He took one look at the flyer and backed down.

Now every time we talk about the cat needing a big farm to live on, the conversation lasts less than 5 minutes because the actual physical part of giving away that 20 lb mental case is just too heartbreaking for Mr gray to deal with.

[meow2u3]

31. Easy answer: THE CAT!

Cats are good judges of character, and if I had an SO who didn't like cats--my cats in particular--this guy would be kicked to the curb in no time flat!

[Arugula Latte]

55. When I was single I told myself I wouldn't get involved with any man who didn't like cats.

For one, I'd never be able to live without cats. Another thing -- I just don't tend to get along with anti-cat types, and men who like cats are the best, not just because they like cats, but because they tend to be better all around -- more secure with themselves, more intelligent, better sense of humor, cooler all around (yes, big generalization, I know, but it has held up many times in my experience).

(My husband of 14 years loves cats :) )

[guitar man]

32. yep

Live in girlfriend I had right before I met my wife. I really didn't miss her at all once she moved out ;)

[DU GrovelBot]

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[Alenne]

37. It has never happened but I would pick my pets every time.

Anyone that cares about you wouldn't ask you to do that. I refuse to live without animals in my life so a person like that wouldn't fit into my life anyway.

[Ohio Joe]

38. heh, yes

Years ago, I was working for Allmerica Financial out in Worcester MA. and one day as I went into the little lunch area to heat up my lunch, I saw this really cute girl putting up a sign. She was giving away kittens and being I wanted to get to know her better, I told her I might be interested. The kittens were still too young to leave their mother, so I used it as an excuse to go over and see her regularly. I did eventually take a kitten... as well as her :D

Around a year later, we were still together (both the kitten and I as well as the girl and I) but unfortunately, the kitten had taken to becoming very jealous and would attack the girl whenever she was over. She eventually got really sick of it and told me it was either her or the kitten...

Here is Animal, from last winter:



I'm still think I made the right choice :D

[cwydro]

40. I think you did too.

Beautiful cat.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

60. oh my goodness, your Animal is almost as cute as Kitty

[Haole Girl]

39. Yes

My husband tells me he will leave if I get a dog.

So far, I picked my husband.

[jmowreader]

42. There must be a way to alter this infamous poem to be about cats

One of the few poets I can stand is Kipling, and The Betrothed is one of his better ones...

"You must choose between me and your cigar."
- Breach of Promise Case, circa 1885.

Open the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba stout,
For things are running crossways, and Maggie and I are out.
We quarrelled about Havanas - we fought o'er a good cheroot,
And I knew she is exacting, and she says I am a brute.

Open the old cigar-box - let me consider a space;
In the soft blue veil of the vapour musing on Maggie's face.

Maggie is pretty to look at - Maggie's a loving lass,
But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of loves must pass.

There's peace in a Larranaga, there's calm in a Henry Clay;
But the best cigar in an hour is finished and thrown away -

Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brown -
But I could not throw away Maggie for fear o' the talk o' the town!

Maggie, my wife at fifty - grey and dour and old -
With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold!

And the light of Days that have Been the dark of the Days that Are,
And Love's torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a dead cigar -

The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep in your pocket -
With never a new one to light tho' it's charred and black to the socket!

Open the old cigar-box - let me consider a while.
Here is a mild Manila - there is a wifely smile.

Which is the better portion - bondage bought with a ring,
Or a harem of dusky beauties, fifty tied in a string?

Counsellors cunning and silent - comforters true and tried,
And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride?

Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes,
Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close,

This will the fifty give me, asking nought in return,
With only a Suttee's passion - to do their duty and burn.

This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead,
Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead.

The furrows of far-off Java, the isles of the Spanish Main,
When they hear my harem is empty will send me my brides again.

I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mouths withal,
So long as the gulls are nesting, so long as the showers fall.

I will scent 'em with best vanilla, with tea will I temper their hides,
And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides.

For Maggie has written a letter to give me my choice between
The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick o' Teen.

And I have been servant of Love for barely a twelvemonth clear,
But I have been Priest of Cabanas a matter of seven year;

And the gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light
Of stumps that I burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight.

And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove,
But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o'-the-Wisp of Love.

Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire?
Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire?

Open the old cigar-box - let me consider anew -
Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should abandon you?

A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;
And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.

Light me another Cuba - I hold to my first-sworn vows.
If Maggie will have no rival, I'll have no Maggie for Spouse!

[abq e streeter]

48. no , but semi-related subject.Does anyone remember a song called The Dog Was Here First?

and if so, who did it?

[stray cat]

53. Is the person seriously allergic to them?

[mopinko]

64. almost. i had a german shepherd that bit my husband. he took it personally.

she was just doing her job, protecting my kid, and she just didn't recognize him. he had lived with us all for a couple of years by then, but he had been on his first and only golf outing, came home full of sunscreen, wearing a hat and dark glasses, and carrying a bag full of clubs. she tried to tell him not to come in. he ignored her warnings. he was ready to put her in the car and take her on that one way ride. he eventually forgave her, but it took some talkin'.

now, the stepchild, that is another story.

[begin_within]

65. Always take the cat or dog.

[ZombieHorde]

66. Kind of weird to expect someone to give up there pet unless their is a medical reason.

But after a couple is already together, the decision to get a pet, especially a dog, since dogs are so demanding, or a cat, since cats are so smelly, really needs to be formally discussed.

[WolverineDG]

67. My brother did

He chose the wife. I got the cat. Idiot.

dg