What's in BRANSON, MO?

[absyntheNsugar]

In some strange streak of luck, I will be going to a wedding out near Branson, MO. The wedding is actually in a rural town in Missouri, with the nearest lodging being Branson...

Is it as bad as they say (queue Simpsons "So you've settled for Branson...") or is it fun?

[Safi]

1. Its like Nashville kinda

Lots and lots of shows, comedy, singing, folkish and what not. Big tourist attraction, capitalizing on Ozark mountain music. But its not all Ozark mountain music.

Its a nice place, its really grown a ton over the past two decades. You should have a good time there. Some good trout fishing around there also.

[Safi]

2. Oh yea, theres also Steal Yer Dollar City also

Which is actually really cool, because there aren't a lot of rides. One of the better themeparks around I think. Highly recommended, especially if you have kids with you. Its nothing like Six Flags or whatever.

<a href="http://www.silverdollarcity.com/">Silver Dollar City</a>

[Wapsie B]

3. Lots of hills,

even in town. It's a very picturesque area. People are generally very friendly, and although there's probably lots and lots of konservative fundies around we saw no in your face displays of rw religion. No strip clubs or casinos that's for sure. Several big outlet malls. Lots of attractions for the family, even outside of the music theatres and Silver Dollar City.

[Safi]

5. Them aint hills

Them are mountins!

Heh, its pretty cool if you've never been there before. I haven't been there in 10 years, and that was just for a Christmas event when everything is *way* scaled down.

You really should hit Silver Dollar City if you are going to be with children, they will love it. You probably will also. Plus you can take back a buncha hick jokes to your friends/family :)

-Safi

[Wapsie B]

7. Yeah they sure are!

Close enough for me to call them mountains. SDC was great!

[jburton]

4. Lots of all you can eat buffet places

And Nashville-esque shows.

[Chicago Democrat]

6. Freaky people.

Some very very cool people. All those drugs produce both misery and greatness.

http://www.veryverygay.com/elijahwood/photos.html

[Sufi Marmot]

8. Branson = sin-free Las Vegas for God-fearing middle Americans...

I visited Branson several years ago with a ladyfriend as we drove across the country. Branson is a neon-jungle set in the Ozarks - basically, think Las Vegas with the gambling, sex, and excitement removed, replaced by hokey, white, rural, nominally-Christian, flag-waving conservative American culture.

Branson is where B-level entertainers go to die - there are a series of theatres on the main strip which offer wholesome, white-bread entertainment, mostly by people you've never heard of, or had long forgotten. To give you an example, when we drove through, Yakov Smirnoff (who was apparenly once funny during the Cold War) had his own theater and was one of the biggest draws. I think Andy Williams has/had a theater there also. Most of the acts were obscure and, in my opinion, bland: gospel music reviews, bluegrass music, Borsht-belt comedy, magic acts, etc. Grand Ole Opry, but several levels down...maybe more like "Hee-Haw". I don't recall any A-list country acts playing there while we were there, and I suspect that even Toby Keith might be considered a bit outre for the Branson crowd.

Besides the theaters there are the standard compliment of fast-food restaurants, all-you-can eat buffets, miniature-golf courses, gift stores, motels, hotels, resorts, an IMAX theater. If you go, be prepared to deal with hellacious traffic: lots of RVs.

So go, have fun, and revel in the realization that there is a broad swath of America whose idea of quality entertainment is vastly, fundamentally different than yours.

-SM

[Sufi Marmot]

9. This is what's currently playing...

Branson Shows. Ok, I stand corrected, there are some people I've heard of, including Merle Haggard, Bob Newhart, Kenny Rogers, and the Oak Ridge Boys. We must have gone on a bad week. When we were there back in autumm of 2002, Jim Stafford was one, if not the only name I recognized.

-SM

[Mobius]

15. Excellent review

extremely accurate. My description failed mostly because Branson strikes such ungodly fear in me. I was overcome. Thank you for rational explaination my thoughts, now you can get out of my head. Perhaps I was in your head, we will never know.

[TheMightyFavog]

19. Yakov's still going strong In Branson....

http://www.yakov.com/default.html


According to his website here, he's moving to a new, bigger auditorium.

Oh, and BTW, this is the guy who opens for Yakov...

[David__77]

10. The Anita Bryant Playhouse!

Perhaps you can throw a pie in her face! Or, I am told there is a Walmart with an adjacent water park.

[GregW]

11. There's a few Geocaches there

Of course, there's Geocaches everywhere ... but here's what's in Branson

[REP]

12. Used to be a Nice, Rural Town

Silver Dollar City has been there forever, and is an interesting visit, even without kids in tow (maybe even more so sans child). As for the rest of it, it's been tarted up beyond all belief, and is just another ugly tourist scar in a formerly nice town.

Can you tell I'm a native Missourian?

[jmowreader]

13. If this wedding is in the summertime...

Go to Gregory Popovich's Comedy and Pet Theatre in the Grand Country Music Hall. This guy (the star of the Moscow State Circus before it disbanded) does a full big-cat-style animal show--but he uses housecats and dogs he bailed out of the pound.

[Mobius]

14. MAY THE FEAR OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLY BE IN YOU!

Washed up perscription drug addicted lounge singers, which I suppose is fine for the majority of 90 year olds that go there. Be strong.

[southpaw]

16. Branson is HELL!!!

You have been warned...

You know something is up when you see "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." on the Welcome to Branson sign.

Maybe that warning is directed at the performers more than the tourists.

[LDS Jock]

17. about the IMAX

Avoid their signature film there. Its a big screen version of "The Dukes of Hazzard." I couldn't believe I paid money to see moonshining on a giant screen theater. I haven't been there for a few years, but traffic used to be unbelievable when the shows were starting and ending. If the wedding time coincides with that, be sure to leave WAY early.

[catmandu57]

18. What's in Branson?

Well, there have been enough accurate reviews posted, so I'll only add that it's mainly stomp and clap tourist traps, traffic jams, and god fearin white peoples.
Don't drive in the suicide lane, if you do and get caught it's boocoo bucks paying off the ticket.
I worked a summer down there and have never gone back, but everyone's different.

[GumboYaYa]

20. If you are there during warmer months you must

get to the party cove somehow. You will not be disappointed. You will see every type of debauchery there is at the party cove.

Otherwise, there is not much to do in Branson if you are not a member of AARP.