Rather than discussing pork products, the flavorful nature of cauliflower or why I think everybody should be compelled vegan in order to save the Earth, I shall now ramblingly pontificate at great length about the marabou stork (
Leptoptilos crumeniferus).
I am a militant greenie and a lover of pigs, chickens, cows, horses, whales, pigeons, cats, dogs, marmots, turkeys, fish (I'm a strict nearly-vegan vegetarian, you see)...but not marabou storks.
Marabou storks are malevolent creatures: mean as psychopaths, territorial, aggressive and some of the very few animals known in the wild to kill for pleasure. You can't make bacon out of marabou, they're filthy disease-ridden carrion-eaters and the pretty much only animal on the planet more destructive per proportional population than humans. Their scat is an environmental pollutant in any quantity and highly contaminated with parasites and nematodes. Unlike most large raptor birds, not only are they not threatened or endangered, they're thriving...and everywhere they spread they devastate the local environment. They've done as much damage to the Serengeti as man has. You can't miss them, they're the largest landbirds in the world. They've been known to disinter, befoul and consume funerary remains that have not been buried deep enough...for this as well as their reaper-like appearance they're known as the undertaker bird. I've already contacted the National Zoo to inquire, they will not lend me one or both of their breeding pair for Dick Cheney's funeral. They look like vultures except they're the size of Andean condors and golden eagles...about 20lbs and a 3.5m wingspan. They eat half their body-weight in rotting meat daily, have single-handedly caused the extermination of multiple species of wildlife including two types of flamingos and they have no natural predators.
I f*cking hate them. They're a wonderful allegory for the destructiveness of mankind.