At Church as they were passing around the wine and wafers...a old boyfriend of my sister blurted out

[applegrove]

"Cocktails & hors d'oeuvre .... how nice!" rotflmao!!!

Anyone else been in dicey situations like that that was hilarious?

[Chan790]

1. I've long thought...

that the Catholic mass would be more enjoyable if Jesus had served slivovitz and macaroons at the last supper. Sweet plum brandy and coconut cookies seems like a winning combination. Much better than "fresh" (ie. not cask-aged) wine and unleavened bread.

I might still go to church for that kind of meal.

[smalll]

2. Only problem is, wine doesn't count as a "cocktail" - and plain wafers aren't quite "hors d'oeuvres"

-- so the wit wasn't perfect. In fact, it must have sounded a little douchey, at least to the Catholics present.

(And I am not a Catholic.)

[applegrove]

4. It was a presbyterian church. And they serve the wine in little wine glasses on a silver tray and

wafers, that look like little croutons, are also passed around on a silver tray. It was funny moment. But nobody else heard except for us. He, as an anglican, was making fun of how our wine was passed around on a tray.

[smalll]

5. Well, cocktails aren't served in "little wine glasses" either.

Also, most presbyterian churches are prettty liberal these days.

Plus, somehow I get the idea this guy wouldn't feel moved to joke about forcing women into burkhas, or forcing men to get down on the floor and lift their butts up to the sky five times a day. Just a guess. :shrug:

[hippywife]

6. Oh, come on.

Lighten up, Francis. Even when I was still a believer I would have found that funny in the moment.
:eyes:

You are correct about the serving ware, though. I'd have called them shooters. ;)

[SoxFan]

9. Jesus Shots!

WOOOHOO!!!

(I've been a Eucharistic Minister in two different dioceses, I get a pass on this)

[applegrove]

18. You are right they were little shot glasses. I was going to call them little tumblers. I forgot the

word shot glass.

[smalll]

19. LOL - yes, shooters!

:)

[Kaleva]

3. A guy confessed to the congregation for masturbating

[MajorChode]

From the Book of Hezekiah

It is better to cast your seed in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground.

[carlyhippy]

7. at my church that I once went to they did grape juice and bread

I must have looked hungry, I seemed to always end up with the biggest chunk of bread they had....and the juice was served in these tiny tiny little glasses that were not much larger than a thimble, I was afraid I was gonna choke at a couple of services.

[carlyhippy]

8. I would have cracked up laughing, followed by the desperate attempts at stifling my uncontrollable

laughter fits that I always seem to be afflicted with while in a silent church.

[uncommon]

10. At every Catholic wedding I have been to, I can't help but giggle when the

priest sings "Now we proclaim the mysteries of faith" - too much Monty Python.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

11. At my wedding, the best man and maid of honor's duties included "presenting the gifts"

Which, for Catholics, is the bread and wine for consecration.

During the rehersal my best man, who wasn't Catholic, said he was confused. He thought it was his job to bring up our wedding gifts to the altar.

I could just imagine it--the priest says, "And may the Lord in His Bounty bless this Cuisinart...."

[edbermac]

12. Saw a movie years ago...

Can't remember the title, just saw part of the movie. Some guy was in love with a girl and saw her going into church, a place where he obviously had never been in his life. Saw her going up for Communion and followed her up to the altar. When the priest offered the guy a wafer, he waved him off with the line, "No thanks, I'm on a diet."

[edbermac]

13. dupe delete

[edbermac]

14. dupe delete

[BeachBaby]

15. Oh, yeah. Back in 1987. Baccalaureate mass for one of my friends.

A whole bunch of my friends and I, sat together with our graduating friend.

Eventually, we had to kneel. One of the big, burly linemen from a high school football team (from the neighboring public school) said "I could NEVER get Debbie to kneel on command! I need to become a priest".

:rofl:

[Yavin4]

16. Was Jesus An Alcoholic?

He was always around wine and he flew into a rage at that temple.

[Old Troop]

17. Several years ago, right after Mass, I told our priest that I had just been

diagnosed with cancer. He shouted (with about half the congregation still in the church), "sometimes I think God is just fucking with us"!