Marriage scares me

[Jack_Dawson]

I think it's not really the institution so much as how married men are portrayed in movies and television. Hapless, flannel-shirted, balding "yes honey", cajones in a jar, opinionless freaks. Can someone talk me out of this stereotype? :beer:

[kentauros]

1. Do you consider that you have any qualities related to that stereotype?

If not, don't worry about it. TV and movies are very good at exaggerating the worst qualities of everyone. If there weren't any exaggerations, then you and I wouldn't know what food looked like until it had been charred to an unrecognized lump on the backyard grill ;)

[elleng]

2. Any of your friends/acquaintances conform to such stereotype?

[seabeyond]

3. isn't it sad, and such the insult to you men, not to mention to the woman that loves you.

no, if you have a good relationship, one where each other is not controlling the other, then no.... life is not that. altruism. you want the best for her. she wants the best for you. how can that go wrong. and the ultimate in selfish.

well, the balding might be heredity and flannel is your choice.

[Chan790]

4. Well...

I'm not losing my hair, it's simply migrating. I'd never be caught dead in flannel though.

[seabeyond]

5. flannel has its place.... nt

[Curmudgeoness]

6. Honey, whether you get married or not, you will end up

looking in the mirror and being a hapless, flannel-shirted, balding freak. It's called getting old. It happens. Just go with it.

And as to the rest of your concerns, I doubt that you would fall in love and want to marry a woman who would castrate you.

Don't worry so much. (This from someone who never married, but hey, I have opinions. And don't you get wisdom with age?)

[Xipe Totec]

7. +1

wicked sage advice.

[Jack_Dawson]

9. Y'all aren't helping

:toast:

[Xipe Totec]

10. 'tis a barren tree you've come to seeking shade...

:rofl:

[jotsy]

8. I'll take a few swings at that.

They are portrayed that way to make us laugh. My middle child came home in tears during her fourth grade year, a young cad had placed a sticker in her empty desk chair, and it remained on her hiney for the bulk of the day. It was the end of the world. As she knew it, anyway. An ability to laugh at ourselves can help make life a lot less tense, and I suspect we don't age as rapidly.

Consider how you value the depth of relations or the companionship against how much you give a flying flip what others think or expect.

Marriage is hard not to see as a meshing, each of the selfs lose a bit in order to achieve through their union, a brighter whole. Us girls bite in to some of those stereotypes too, ball and chain, I have a headache, fun police. Individuality has to be diligently defended if rapport and fresh are to still apply decades later. That's a task I see akin to rollerskating while holding loaded platters in each hand while trying to pirouette blindfolded. An act requiring some finesse, a bit of instinct and a generous dollop of good luck.

Probably a popped foul out, but you can't blame a girl for trying!

[Jack_Dawson]

12. That was awesome.

Thank you so much for actually putting thought into a post. A lost art.

Plus, you sound really smart, which is always a good thing.

:toast:

[jotsy]

15. Yup, I got brainy ears!

:hi:

[MichiganVote]

11. Heck my husband is 59 yrs old and wakeboards, snowboards, yoga

He is 4 years older than I am and does more than I do. So I tell people I married a much younger man.

[DFW]

13. How's this for an argument?

Here's me and my wife in 1981, age 29, and a year before we got married:


And here we were last year, 28 years (and 27 years of marriage) later:


Does that look like a scary stereotype to you? If not, it's because it isn't.

[seabeyond]

14. Does that look like a scary stereotype to you?

excellent

[Jack_Dawson]

18. Well done.

Does your wife take vitamins? If so, which ones?

:toast:

[DFW]

21. None at all

The only pills she takes are thyroid supplements (2/3 of hers was removed 18 years ago due to a tumor) and
some post-cancer treatment stuff from when she went through that ordeal 9 years ago. Not exactly a recommended
beauty regimen, but she does wear her 58 years remarkably well, certainly far better than I do.

[pitohui]

16. why should we?

are you male and employed? why would you marry?for that matter? are you female and rich? why would you marry?

marriage is about money, it's a financial agreement, talk yourself down w. your lawyer not DU

[Jack_Dawson]

17. Go on...

My lawyer doesn't work Saturday nights.

:beer:

[Forkboy]

19. Ask my ex how she feels about it.

;)

[Robeson]

20. The only thing you'll have to give up once you're married is sex....

...other than that, it's great!

[seabeyond]

24. the exact opposite of what you say. all forms of relationship have more sex than single.

http://family.jrank.org/pages/1102/Marital-Sex-Sexual-Frequency.html
all forms of long-term, committed partnership—married or cohabiting, heterosexual or homosexual—are associated with greater sexual frequency than is singlehood

Read more: Marital Sex - Sexual Frequency - Cohabitation, Couples, Married, Times, Intercourse, Laumann, and Frequently http://family.jrank.org/pages/1102/Marital-Sex-Sexual-Frequency.html#ixzz0xLBtTadx

http://loveandhealth.worldgroups.com/Article.cfm?Topic=2&SubTopic=18&Article=124
This time on Myth-A-Month we’re going to be talking about the myth that after several years of marriage, couples have sex very infrequently. That’s the myth. Because in fact, it’s really not true. People who are in couples and people who are married actually have more sex than most people who are single. Being in a couple gets you more sex than when you’re a single person.

http://marriage.about.com/cs/sexualstatistics/a/sexstatistics.htm

•Married couples make love 98 times per year.

•Single folks are having sex the least at 49 times a year.

(there were some fun stats on this one.)

[Dr Morbius]

22. Well, don't take this the wrong way, but...

...if you haven't grown past the point of living in fear, you probably aren't ready for marriage. We all have emotions, like love or fear; if you are controlled by your emotions you aren't ready for such an important commitment. If you aren't controlled by your emotions, than your fear is irrelevant, and you can dismiss it.

If there is any reason you suspect that you will turn into something you're not, please remember that what you are and what you will eventually become cannot be determined by a wife or a partner. You are still your own boss, married or not; you may not have a choice about being bald or pot-bellied, but whether you say "Yes, honey" or words to the effect of STFU, whether you voice your opinion or not, whether you wear flannel: these things are entirely up to you. Marriage involves a lot of give and take, in my (19 years of) experience, and the less you take the less will likely be demanded from you.

And remember that entertainment is a product. What they provide for us is crap which is designed to sell. Movies and television rarely reflect real life; It's just product. Even so-called "reality" TV is nothing more than unpolished product. So look at married people you know and ignore the crap from Hollywood.

[MajorChode]

23. The stereotype is pretty accurate

However, you have to balance it with the positive aspects of marriage like free sex, free housekeeper, and free food preparation. If the SO has a job, there's also free money. No free lunches, though.

[RadiationTherapy]

25. What you are referring to as "cajones" and "opinions" are usually just attention seeking gambits

used to attract a partner. When you feel secure in a loving relationship, a lot of need for validation by others goes to the wayside since it was just a show to begin with.

[MorningGlow]

26. Bitter writers

Think of it this way--most of our entertainment is written, directed, and produced by men. Many of these men may be unhappy in their marriages for whatever reason, and their bitter views come across in the entertainment they create. Hence the trope of the "henpecked hapless husband".

Is it a true stereotype? About as true as the other entertainment stereotypes, like the hottie FBI chicks taking down criminals in high heels, bed-hopping neighbors in upper-class enclaves, and precocious children who talk like 40-year-old midgets. In other words, not at all.

Relax, dude. Your future is what you make it. That means if you give up control somewhere along the way, your cojones may end up in a jar. But it's up to you. :beer:

[WinkyDink]

27. Take out the garbage.

[av8rdave]

28. You don't have to be the stereotype at all

But God help you if that's what you choose!

[seabeyond]

29. i suppose that would be because the woman is being her prescribed stereotype. nt

[av8rdave]

30. Point taken

The remark was intended in jest.

:hi:

[seabeyond]

31. i know.

:hi:

[proteus_lives]

32. Here's an idea. Talk to a married person.

[quakerboy]

33. Obvious answer

Try it out a few times and see for yourself.

Moving past glib, I've got an opinion on everything. If I didn't, would I be here? Plus, genetics speaks well of my ability to continue growing head hair for many years to come, married or not. And I refuse to wear anything so hot as flannel anywhere south of Alaska.

But if you think your genetics, your will to be you, and your testosterone would be threatened by marriage, you do what you got to do. It ain't the gig for everyone.

[seabeyond]

34. do you

just love... love where you live. i have always dreamed of living there or washington. is it as great as i think it is. (it has been hot here too many months. i am dyinggggggg)