Compliment with an insult, the defining of a person.

[RandomThoughts]

If you never heard of this, it is how many smears are done.

Something nice about someone is said, then a smear is attached, then something nice, and a smear, and something nice... but with a smear.


The ego tries to get someone to grab onto the nice part, but then the smear is with it also. The other effect is it can show someone as being nice, while trying to take a position of being able to define something.

It is really used often, and when it is seen, you have to ask, what allows them to claim to be able to define, what basic precepts of what they think is important defines their defines.

It is really interesting and seen in many places.

[MrScorpio]

1. Is that kind of like "Damning with faint praise?"

I'm trying to pump up my repertoire of insults.

[RandomThoughts]

3. It might be, thinking more like there being good and bad in everything.

And with interpretation you can find the nice parts, or think on how others see things and from that perspective think on the bad parts.

To take the compliment, you give ability to define the bad. So it is like thinking on it, and finding kindness in the thoughts, while not worrying about the bad stuff.

Like finding the good stuff, without trying to assign the ability for someone to have the ability to make the assignment of what is what.

I think so and so is great, that seems to be an expression.
So and so is great, even though... Seems to be something else.

Although at the same time it is best to say, that person is great, like many singers and story tellers, but with acknowledging they are not perfect, so not putting them on a pedestal, but also acknowledging everyone has faults so it is not from a pedestal that a person does such things.

Kind of vague, but basically it is seen in many places, someone will look at a poor worker for example, and say that poor person, but look how hard they work. The feeling is from superiority as seen in trying to define a good attribute, yet in thinking they are some way.

It is how often a person finds a pecking order in people and things based on their biases, and I do it to.

Just thinking on that topic, how people compare other people by what they think is best or correct, not what might be best for someone else, or in a larger context.

[Curmudgeoness]

2. I work with a woman like this. Is she afraid that we will think

she is nice if she just stops at the compliment? Bewildering to watch.

[LiberalAndProud]

4. It's called a criticism sandwich, and is taught as a management technique.

Praise : Mary, you really help keep the morale high in our group. It's so nice to have you aroumd.
Critisism : I have noticed that you don't bathe often and the aroma isn't really all that pleasant.
Praise : I hope I haven't offended you or hurt your feelings, because you are one of the most productive people in this group.

Now wasn't that pleasant? The meat of the sandwich is in the criticism.

[david13]

5. Intent is most important in a situation like this. Kind of like Tobin

with his parody, or caricature. He treads a thin line, between imitation, a great form of flattery, and mockery.
But his intent was good.
In most of these situations I intend humor.
I look for it, I stab at it. Once people understand that, they usually see the humor of it and laugh.
I don't use the compliment sandwich in management.
In terms of work I usually stay rather straight. Just strictly business.
It's safer.
But in other situations, I try. I am racking my brain for a recent one. But there has to be humor to it.
Oh, I can't think of one.
But, so, look to the intent.
dc

[kwassa]

6. well, I thought this was a great OP, I don't care what everyone else said about you.

Like that?

[MiddleFingerMom]

7. I used to go to a deli outside of Philadelphia and the whole staff treated me like that.

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I'd go up to the counter, and they would eventually say
something nice like, "Here's your bagel."
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"With a schmear."
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Constantly. I'd go up to the counter again and they would
eventually say something nice like, "Here's another bagel."
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"With a schmear."
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It was RELENTLESS...
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...and DELICIOUS!!!!
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