Since we're discussing poetry, I decided to try to write. This is all I could do this afternoon...

[Haole Girl]

I better not quit my day job. ;-)


The Grade

What is bad? What is good?
When words fail
When education is not enough

When success is measured by status
and status is looked down upon

Defective and unheard
Average, or below average at best

I am as silent as a winter morning
on this warm autumn afternoon
The words spill onto the page
like ingredients for a recipe
never prepared

The sunshine is bright, but deceiving
there is little doubt
winter is on its way

I need these words
for comfort
They are all I have
They are mine

Simplistic failure

Another season slips away.

***

[Aristus]

1. Hey, this is terrific!

"like ingredients for a recipe
never prepared..."

Great.

You're better at this than you think... :-)

You combined several important themes into one short poem. I like it.

[Haole Girl]

2. "Ingredients for a recipe" is how a DUer once described one of my poems

He was right, really.

Thanks, Aristus. A true friend is one who thinks of a tactful way to compliment you when you're at your worst! :-)

[Aristus]

3. Well, if I ever see you at your worst,

at least I'll know how to compliment you... ;-)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. ~

:hug:

a touch of melancholia?

[Haole Girl]

9. Maybe

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear Haole Girl...

Very nice...

You are much braver than I...

I simply cannot post anything I've just written! Even my worst stuff takes a while to be acceptable enough to post, even to my own eyes...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

6. I'm not sure it's bravery

But, thank you. :hug:

[mwdem]

7. I love it!

You are brave, but you have talent, too.:loveya:

[Haole Girl]

10. Thank you

Nice to see you here. And thank you for the compliments. :loveya:

[mwdem]

12. and you know I'm so rarely here.

I still liked it.

[Redstone]

8. "A recipe never prepared?" I like that.

Redstone

[Haole Girl]

11. Hi Redstone!

Thank you! :-)

[MiddleFingerMom]

13. If this sucked, I would not be responding...

.
.
.
.
.
...that doesn't mean if I don't respond to the posting of a poem
that I think it sucks -- there are all SORTS of reasons that I
might not post.
.
But I would NOT tell you something positive if it DID suck.
.
.
.
This is actually very impressive -- if you have no training or
formal education EXTREMELY impressive. Your pace and flow and
sounds are all smooth and fluid -- which you want... UNLESS
you're going for jagged and rough for some reason.
.
.
.
I, too, REALLY like that recipe metaphor -- suh-WEET!!!
.
.
.
It is a very, VERY simple poem. One of the GREAT disagreements
I had with the impressive poetry prof I spoke of is that he'd look
at us and say, "It's just you and me, kids" -- meaning that pretty
much the ONLY people paying attention to poetry are other poets.
Sadly... he had some jusification in that -- BUT... I see it as a
self-perpetuating or self-fulfilling prophecy -- if you WRITE for
other poets... ... ... duh.
.
.
.
In other countries, poets are sometimes REVERED as heroes -
and a good part of that reverence comes from the fact that
they write for and of "the people". I always think of a Turkish
poet who was long-imprisoned for his political beliefs and
writings who loved and MISSED his wife very profoundly. One
of his poems from prison was a love poem to her where he
very simply compared his heart to an apple -- and wrote an
extremely MOVING piece (though now, near 20 years later, I
remember neither his name nor his poem).
.
.
.
I greatly PREFER poems that don't take a secondary education
to "get".
.
.
.
Yours is both impressive AND accessible.
.
.
.
NOT TO MENTION YOUR DISCLAIMER OF "THIS IS ALL I
COULD DO THIS AFTERNOON".
.
.
.
To that I must most respectfully respond...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..."Oh, just STFU!!!"
.
.
.
.
.
:rofl:
.
.
.
.
.
If this is a purely "natural" level of ability -- I REALLY
recommend you attend some workshops and learn
how to refine it into PURE gold.
.
.
.
Woman -- get thee to a poettery!!!!
.
.
.

[Haole Girl]

14. Thank you. nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. Nazim Hikmet, by chance?

the Turkish poet.

[MiddleFingerMom]

18. BINGO!!!!! n/t

[nolabear]

15. "I am as silent as a winter morning"

Gorgeous. I feel it. And you convey "winter feeling" beautifully.

[Haole Girl]

16. Thank you nolabear

Glad you could get a sense of what I was trying to convey. :-)

[av8rdave]

19. So well put....but I don't see failure in it

[Haole Girl]

20. Thank you...

kind of you to say :hi: