I am making an emergency trip to India this Thursday

[La Lioness Priyanka]

I know i dont post much anymore, nor do i really believe in vibes, but i do believe in venting.

my best friend got diagnosed with breast cancer last year. Then we thought she was cured, then this year her cancer returned in Stage IV. Now they have given up hope to cure the disease and are moving to pain management and palliative care. In between I havent seen my best friend, because she stopped talking to everyone. She made me cancel my last trip to see her. Anyway, I am going on Thursday, in between 2 midterms (started a PhD program), because I am not sure that waiting till Dec is a good option.

She will be 32 in Nov. She's been my best friend for 2 decades.

Some older threads about this subject

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9069620

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8592187

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8578530

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. advice of any kind will be appreciated.

[NewJeffCT]

4. Does she know you're coming?

you said you haven't spoken and she made you cancel your last trip?

I can't really offer advice, other than to be prepared if she's not herself (mentally & physically)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. no, we decided not to tell her.

[Bucky]

38. My advice is just listen and love.

If it's truly untreatable, she just needs extra shoulders and extra ears from her friends. It's really tough to face things like that. Take care of yourself, too, so that you can be there for her.

But despite how concerned you are about whether you'll handle it right, I kinda suspect that in your heart you'll know exactly how to be there for her. I know this is gonna suck massively, but going there is definitely the right thing to do.

[NewJeffCT]

2. I'm sorry to hear about your friend

You, your friends and families have my sympathy.

I hope you have a safe trip.
:grouphug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. ..

:hug:

[Flaxbee]

3. I'm so sorry, Lioness.

All my vibes to your friend, you and families and loved ones.

I have had two people very dear to me fight this - one had a 10 year break in between and they caught her second bout with bc at late Stage 3. Stage 4 is scary, but Elizabeth Edwards has been living with it for years now and I hope your friend does, as well.

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. :hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. edwards is old. cancer in young people is far quicker and deadlier

thanks for the hug

[Flaxbee]

12. I know.

Was hoping you didn't (or wouldn't be worrying about it). You don't strike me as the type to need sugarcoating, though, so yes, your sweet best friend is facing a very tough battle and needs every last vibe she can get. And I am so sorry about that. It is very good that you're going to see her.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. i know the reality of her situation academically, i still cant process it

its very strange

[HipChick]

32. So sorry...glad you are going...I lost my SIL this way ...got there too late...

she passed about 2hrs before my plane touched down..I thought I had plenty of time..never got to say goodbye..never got to make my peace with her..she had just turned 36..

[Gormy Cuss]

7. I'm sorry, Pri

and if I were in your shoes I'd do exactly the same thing.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. thanks

[siligut]

8. Why did she make you cancel your last visit?

Is she depressed? I am so sorry, this is doubly troublesome because she thought she was cured.

Edited because I saw Pri's response to JeffCT's post. Also, completely agree that she may not be the friend Pri remembers.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. she didnt want me to see her in pain/delirious etc

this time i havent asked, just coordinated with her husband and mother who are living with her

[lightningandsnow]

11. I'm sorry I don't have advice to give you.

And I'm sorry this is happening.

:hug: to the both of you.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. thanks, hugs are good too

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. You are doing the right thing, my dear Pri...

I would be on my way too.

Have a safe trip, and I hope seeing her will be good for both of you...

How often do we really get such a chance to say goodbye? Not often enough, esp. when our friends are so very far away...

:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

17. thx

[madrchsod]

18. you are doing the right thing that is for sure...

she`ll be glad to see you even though she probably does`t want you to see her this way.

give her a kiss and hold her hand.

[supernova]

19. So sorry to hear that

Yes, do go. You won't regret it, and I bet deep down she won't either.

Hope your friend has the best care and you can be with her as much as you can.

[JohnnyLib2]

20. I think you will always be glad for this decision.

If she "fusses" about you coming or tries to avoid -- maybe saying things like "I came for me, too......" would help.

Also, my breast cancer-surviving wife would say to treat her like you always have, whether it's teasing or competitive or nicey-nice, etc. Helps her keep some good parts of her life....

(I've done some hospice work, too, and want to say thanks for sticking with her. It counts so much.)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. thanks. this was very helpful. i will try to keep treating her the way i always do

[NewJeffCT]

49. That's probably the best idea

However, it will be a very emotional time for everybody, so be prepared for that. It sounds easy when you read this and when I type it, but it's different in person.

[Haole Girl]

22. So sorry to hear this

It's good that you will be there for her.

Sending vibes & hugs...

:hug:

:grouphug:

[nolabear]

23. Your poor friend. I hope she can reach out to you and to those who love her.

I agree you're doing the right thing, not just for her but for you. This is the hard part of love, but it's also the real part, where you let someone know that their life has affected you and that you will not forget them. Peace to you both, and safe journey.

[hippywife]

24. Wishing you a safe trip

and hopefully some really quality time with your friend, Lioness. I know this is going to be so difficult for you. :hug:

[PhillyGurl]

25. You must go

(I don't post much anymore either but recognized your name) It will be a good thing for you two to be reunited. Love and light to your friend, this is probably very difficult for everyone involved. :grouphug:

[joeybee12]

26. Damn! Very sorry to hear this...

:grouphug:

[Call Me Wesley]

27. Go, and good vibes to your friend.

I can understand that she doesn't want you, or anyone else, to see her. But that is vanity, and while you should respect it, it doesn't really count. I've seen my dad dying of cancer, and in the end, it wasn't a fine sight anymore. Even we never did get along well, I have to recall these pictures, since these are not how i remember him; they, in some awkward sense, had nothing to do with what I remember of him. And I know he would not have felt comfortable with anyone seeing him like that.

But we don't see it like that.

She's your best friend; so you should be there. Do not worry, do not feel helpless. Just be her friend like you always were. Ease the passage. :hug:

[flvegan]

28. 32. Such a shame.

A shame at any age, but still. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I have to admit that I know nothing about breast cancer except what I see in commercials, but I hope she doesn't experience any pain. Or at least as little as possible.

I am glad you're going to see her.

[peacefreak]

29. I remember your earlier posts about her.

Go & cherish her. Look into her eyes & tell her you love her. As hard as these memories will be for you, they are much better than regrets. Safe travels.

[PeaceNikki]

30. .

:hug:

[Demoiselle]

31. I am so glad you are going. All the good vibes and prayers I can muster...

[Iggo]

33. Dang.

:hug:

[redwitch]

34. It's good you are going.

You would always regret it if you didn't. I am so sorry about your friend. Travel safe. :hug:

[hunter]

35. .

:hug:

[myrna minx]

36. I am so sorry.

:hug: You are a good friend to go and visit her.

[marzipanni]

37. I remember reading your posts about your friend

I'm so sorry, Pri.
Here is a good article from Hospice, "Helping a Friend Who Is Dying".
http://www.hospicenet.org/html/help_a_friend.html

My first boyfriend died of cancer almost a year ago. He was still a friend of two of my brothers, and they had spoken with him on the phone over a few months, and told me he had got very sick and gave me his phone number during what turned out to be his last week. I put off calling, I was afraid he'd be his sarcastic self if I tried to tell him I'll always appreciate our sweet 'puppy-love' relationship of almost forty-five years ago. I promptly lost the the slip of paper I had written his number on, though I looked for it several times. It hasn't turned up in the year since he died.


You and your friend need to spend some time together, for both of you. :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

39. wishing you a safe journey and peace for your friend.

:hug:

[xchrom]

40. i don't have any advice -- this stuff is hard to go through -- and that's all there is to it.

but bring your dear sweet friend all the love the love and courage you have.

you're too young to be going through this.

[WillParkinson]

41. My very best thoughts go with you!

And are already there with your friend.

[mwdem]

42. I'm so sorry to hear this, Lioness.

Just be there for her, and give her what comfort she needs. I hate this.:cry:

[Avalux]

43. I just lost my aunt to stage IV breast cancer a few weeks ago.

She was 53. I think you made the right choice to go; be prepared for your friend to look much different, it will be difficult. Hopefully she will be happy to see you but if she is not, try not to take it personally and remember the only thing she has left is her ability to make decisions while she still can. When my aunt made the decision to stop eating and drinking, many in my family became upset but I understood.

Be strong and best wishes. :hug:

[applegrove]

44. So sorry.

[Odin2005]

45. At 32!?! Oh no!

:(

[krispos42]

46. Bring tissues. Lots of tissues.

I don't have any other advice that doesn't sound hackneyed, and I have no experience, no wisdom in this area to pass on.

:hug:

[MiddleFingerMom]

47. I'm very sorry that she... and you... and everyone involved is going through this.

.
.
.
Advice? Love her... and you MAY have to love the woman you know that
she is -- rather than the woman you may find who could be buffeted about
by unbelievably strong and cruel energies.
.
.
One "no" -- do NOT debate ideology of any kind with her (except to hold
out "hope" for her. Let her know it's OK to be prepared for the worst while
still hoping for the best.
.
Let her vent. If she beats up on you, let her. Understand that she is not
really beating up on YOU -- and she MAY be trying to give you an escape
hatch.
.
Don't "take" it.
.
Whether you believe in them or not -- strength, healing, peace vibes to
all involved.
.
.
.
:hug:
.
.
.

[BreweryYardRat]

48. Geez, I'm sorry that happened. n/t