Wow, this "weasel shit coffee" is terrible

[HEyHEY]

My friend brought me some back from Vietnam. It's that stuff where weasels go through the coffee and eat only the good beans, then crap them out and they are rinsed and sold. (Yeah, I don't know why I'm drinking it either) and so I opened the bag and the beans were nice and dark, I guess cause they're covered in shit, and they smelled AWESOME. So, I made the coffee and it was so sub-par, tastes like fucking foldgers.

BOOOURNS!

[HopeHoops]

1. And who the HELL ever thought something could be worse than Folgers?

:shrug:

That stuff is rank. You'd be better off drinking straight weasel shit without the coffee than drinking Folgers.

[NoPasaran]

2. Don't dump on my Folgers!

Weasel-free since 1937!

[HopeHoops]

3. I've (unfortunately) tasted Folgers.

:puke:

[Xipe Totec]

24. I've smelled Folgers

When I lived in Houston.

There was a Folgers roasting factory inside the 610 loop.

[Amaril]

4. Really? Ever had Maxwell House Master Blend?

I swear it's the shit they sweep up off the floor along with the rat hairs, bug boogers and whatnot.

[PVnRT]

9. I thought he WAS talking about Folger's

[Blue_Tires]

11. Sanka?

[struggle4progress]

5. I'm surprised. I mean, "let's make coffee from weasel shit" sounds like such a good idea

:shrug:

[ThomasQED]

12. And naming it "weasel shit coffee"...

well who wouldn't want to try that??

[struggle4progress]

14. It just screams "Rich refreshing gusto"

[ThomasQED]

17. Among other things.

I wonder what it's screaming about the people who drink it?

[Kaleva]

22. LOL!!! I'm wetting myself here! Damn funny subthread!

[rug]

6. You should try it with the weasel shit included.

[woo me with science]

32. That's the flavored variety. It's more expensive. nt

[tigereye]

7. so what's the backstory here, eh?

:hi:

[astral]

8. Civet Cats.

Not weasels. I don't know that I'd try it myself, so thanks for the review!

[realisticphish]

10. blah, blah, blah, "weasel" is funnier

I call this "Dave Barry's Rule" :)

[yawnmaster]

18. Ahhh...so they sold weasel crapped beans...thats why it tasted bad...

Is there anything worse than weasel feces???

[Yeshuah Ben Joseph]

26. They look more like weasels than cats

Or actually, like a weasel had sex with a cat and this was the offspring.....




Either way, Dad & I must have turned a lot of water into wine the day We created that thing :rofl:

[HEyHEY]

29. Nope, this is weasels. Says so on the bag

[bif]

13. I've had it

I got some from Peet's, the finest coffee roaster in the world. I thought it was okay. Overrated, but definitely drinkable. Not worth the money though.

[grasswire]

16. Just curious why you call Peet's the finest coffee roaster?

Do tell.

[Dash87]

15. I always thought Folgers tasted like crap.

But it's the other way around. Who would have thought ...? :D

♥

[madinmaryland]

19. Lighten up, Francis! If it has caffeine in it, then enjoy it!

[necso]

20. How do you know that

they actually used "weasels" (civets).

Maybe they just used some dudes named Civet.

Or it could just be more hype: "This weasel poop is really expensive -- it must be good!"

[Kaleva]

21. Who first thought that weasel shit coffee might be good?

I mean, there must of been someone way back who had nothing better to do then think that coffee beans that had been eaten and then shit out by a weasel would make a good brew.

[Chan790]

30. Worse, it's absurdly expensive.

Depending on the time of year, the grading of the coffee (this is a qualitative measure), sourcing and processing (roasting, drying, etc.) the going rate for Kopi Luwak is between $86-$147/lb. and it's horrible coffee. That's the price for the authentic stiff from Sumatra. The knockoff from Vietnam is much less expensive.

I'm picky but give me a decent Kenyan AA or Sidamo Gold or Tanzanian Peaberry or Sulawesi or Kona or Jamaican Blue any day; they're just as expensive but they're worth the price of admission. It's also valid to note that until about 5 years ago, it was a widely-known industry fact that Vietnam produced a vastly inferior coffee...one text I read when I was studying to be a barista compared it disfavorably to burning tires in aroma. It was however cheap, like super super cheap...so the mass-production coffee industry started a campaign to make it seem exotic and high quality so they could buy it cheap and foist it on the public as high-grade...so now it's marketed as such to the public and people accept that marketing unquestioningly. It's not the first time this has been done...they did the same thing with cheap low-quality coffees from Columbia starting about 30 years ago. Columbia was never considered a quality source of coffee...at best it produced a mild inoffensive bean that worked well in blending with higher-grade coffees to cut cost without severely affecting quality. The difference is that Columbia now produces much-better coffee, the result of better infrastructure and agriculture, it has the climate to produce good coffee. Vietnam doesn't and can't. All the agriculture improvement possible will never overcome the fact it's simply the wrong location. Bad soil type, bad climate, bad weather and flat. Coffee is a lower-altitude mountain crop, warm days, cool nights and partial-shade. It grows best on the bases of tropical volcanoes or in shaded high deserts. The aridness of the climate is similar to the concept of terroir with wine, it effects the "qualities" of the coffee. Deserts produce "fruity" coffees, volcanic regions produce dark coffees with earthy notes, Latin America's high-altitude jungles produce nutty qualities. Vietnam produces coffees that taste flat and bland, the result of the massive amounts of chemicals and petro-fertilizers required to make coffee grow in a flat, non-tropical climate with the wrong weather. It's for lack of a better descriptor "hothouse coffee", a naturally-impossible product facilitated by man. If Kopi Luwak seems to taste like Folgers, it's because Vietnamese coffee is what Folger's been putting in the can because it's about $0.17 on the dollar compared to the going rate for even the lowest quality beans from anywhere else and they can mark it up to the same price to consumers.

As for why civet processing, it's actually kinda simple but you have to know something about how coffee comes to be coffee. The coffee "bean" is actually the pit of a mildly-toxic cherry. (The toxins in question are actually just caffeine and VOCs in quantities that will make you curl up with severe stomach cramps while convulsively vomiting and shitting your pants. It wouldn't kill you unless you ate pounds of coffee-cherry) Civets are not affected and they love coffee-cherries, something Indonesian farmers noticed and decided to exploit. All coffee beans are processed before roasting in order to remove the flesh of the cherries (any flesh in the roasting ruins the entire batch) and a thin membrane from the "bean". This is often done mechanically or in places like Ethiopia through sun-drying. With Kopi Luwak, it's done by the digestive fluids of the civet.

[ThomasQED]

33. How else would they get anyone to buy it?

Make a disgusting product and price it cheaply and people think it's disgusting. Make a disgusting product and call it a delicacy and charge a lot and people will buy it.

[Xipe Totec]

23. Don't make me pull out the picture of you puking in a back alley

Step away from the weasels and get decent Dunkin Donuts coffee.

[Curmudgeoness]

25. Goes to show, come up with something rare and hard to get,

put a hefty price on it, and people will rave about it. I am often baffled by this.

[Canuckistanian]

27. Folgers is pure weasel shit without the "coffee" part

That's your confusion.

[petronius]

28. Funny coincidence - weasel shit is exactly the same size and shape as a coffee bean

Maybe some enterprising weasel farmer just bagged up a bunch of dried-out droppings. :shrug:

[Orsino]

31. Obviously, they're using sub-par weasels.

Fucking corporate short-cuts.