I'm kinda scared

[kimi]

I have a big move coming up, from the DC area to the Midwest. Thing is, the ex is flying in later this week, from overseas, and we are separating stuff that we have accumulated over 20+ years. I'm already emotional for other reasons, but this is really getting to me.

Don't know why I'm saying this, but I've gained comfort here in the past. I've lost some precious pets recently and folks here have been kind.

I'm just - scared, I guess.

Ehh, I oughta go to bed. But any words of advice, I'd appreciate. TIA.

[Heidi]

1. No advice from me, kimi.

Just a hug and letting you know that I'm sending you good vibes for calm and courage. :hug:

[kimi]

7. Thank you Heidi

I appreciate your words and the hug.

My first and in some ways favorite cat was Heidi, so your words have extra oomph for me.

[freshwest]

2. I hope I can say the right thing. Hopefully these changes are your choice. If so...

That gives you a sense of control, then confidence, the joy of planning and energy to accomplish this feat.

It's not bad to simplify and move, but it's traumatic if it's forced. It seems that you have a plan and that's what you need to think about.

Focus on who you will be spending time with when you get there. And consider that you may have a better living situation and more financial security.

Take a deep breath as often as you need to for relaxing, give yourself time and know that you have the courage to face this unknown. I'm glad you feel comfortable talking to people here. Sleep well.

[kimi]

8. The changes are mostly my choice

Partly due to family circumstances, but I wouldn't have it any other way, really.

Looking forward in ways to a new start, but the reminder to take deep breaths - I needed to hear that. I don't do it as much as I should.

Thank you! :hi:

[freshwest]

11. You're welcome. People tell me to do it all the time! You're gonna be great.

[denbot]

3. Vibes..

Peace

[kimi]

9. Thank you, denbot

I appreciate it. :)

[siligut]

4. Some huge stress going on for you

Moving is one of the biggest stresses and it sounds like you are finalizing things with the ex, never easy. Losing animal friends is such a difficult emotional thing, I am so sorry. Give yourself some slack, treat yourself well. If all fails, call your local crisis center and cry it out or/and see your primary care doc for a little chemical relaxation/stress relief. Even do that before it gets worse. Take care.

[kimi]

10. Moving has never been easy for me

This move, maybe the hardest of all. Losing so many pets in this home makes it hard to envision leaving here - it's like I'm leaving them behind. I appreciate your words, and thank you for understanding.

[Kali]

5. sounds like a reasonable emotional reaction to what you are facing

big changes ARE scary
you are strong enough to get through it, though - so focus on the tasks at hand, break them into manageable pieces and tackle them one at a time so you have some "finished" things to boost your confidence

[kimi]

12. Thank you

for telling me that I am strong enough to get through it. Sometimes it takes someone else to tell ya that, to make it real. Manageable pieces also makes sense - I need to keep that in mind.

Thanks, Kali!

[dawg]

6. Well, I don't really know your situation, but I do wish you well.

A "well-wisher", that's what I am! :hi:

Changes suck. After a certain point in your life, you hope to have all the big decisions sorted out - marriage, career, children, favorite rock band, boxers or briefs - all the important stuff.

Then, you find out, no - you don't have it all settled. You thought you did, but now things are going to be different. And that's scary. And it hurts to have to interact with someone who was so precious to you for so many years in such a cold and clinical manner. No matter the circumstances.

Moving to another part of the country, I am sure, just makes it worse.

On the bright side, it does sound like an adventure, doesn't it? It sounds like a movie starring Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts. There is something to be said about living an interesting life, even though it may not seem all that much fun at the time. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

[kimi]

13. You well-wisher, you!!

Yeah, I know you get it, you've said some very kind and insightful things to me before when I moaned about stuff going on in my life. It's really scary and maddening to realize that you have so little control over your life when things get pulled out from under you when you don't expect it.

I guess moving gives me no reason not to change stuff up. I can start over, do all kindsa stuff that I would never have done here.

Yes, keep telling yourself, hon, that it will be more fun and interesting. Hugs to you, and thank you.

[Odin2005]

14. (((HUGS)))

[kimi]

17. Thanks, Odin

I appreciate any and all hugs. Back atcha!

[nolabear]

15. Ah, Sweetie.

I'm sorry you're suffering. I expect it's that crazy combination of death throes and birth pangs. Congratulations on your new life. You'll take with you everything you need.

And WE travel very well. You'll hardly know we relocated.

[kimi]

18. Yes, that is a crazy combo, isn't it?

Thanks for all y'all coming along with me. I think you will travel much better than the 6 cats and the bunny.

[RedCloud]

16. Don't worry about your ex flying in. His arms will tire from flapping soon enough!

[kimi]

19. LOL

I'll keep that mental image in mind when the lectures start!

[applegrove]

20. vibes.

[kimi]

24. Thanks!

Vibes are always appreciated.

[kimi]

21. Well, now there's a new twist

He flies out of the Kabul airport tomorrow AM, but the Taliban have threatened to bomb it. Seeing as how the fuckers killed numerous people yesterday - including at least 8 US troops and a US contractor (like the ex) - I'm a little un-nerved. I can't get any info, there is such spotty cell coverage over there.

It's a small thing, but this whole move I'm making to the Midwest depends on his getting here, plane tickets have been bought, the house has been closed on. Nothing, but NOTHING, compares to troops getting killed. Still, stuff's gotta get done, I feel guilty even saying that.

But WTF. I just can't sleep, I'm so frickin worried. He's the ex, but he's the father of my kids, and I care.

Shoot. I'll try to lie down with my cats.

[riderinthestorm]

22. You are being reality based. Your ex is going to get out, you just know it

I would suggest however, that if he's delayed that you make a good faith effort to pack up the things you want and need, and store whatever you think he would want so he can go through it when he finally gets back to the US.

That way you can leave for the Midwest, and his stuff is safe.

Since you have kids together, you will see him again so if you've got something that he really, really wants, you can bring it back or negotiate about it when he's finally in the states. Virtually anything can be shipped.

Go kitty snuggle - that's one of the best "de-stressor" techniques I've ever found.

[kimi]

23. Yes, thank you

He did get out, texted one of the kids that he'd boarded his plane in Kabul.

I'm still kind of freaking, but trying to keep it under control. I just have this fear of facing him, but it'll be done.

"Kitty snuggles" - yes, they are an incredible relief!