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Excerpts from Medical Chart Notes:

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Jackpine Radical Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-26-11 03:25 PM
Original message
Excerpts from Medical Chart Notes:



1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

7. Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. She is numb from her toes down.

15. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

16. The skin was moist and dry.

17. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

18. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.

21. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

26. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

27. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

28. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.

29. Patient was found in bed with her power mower.
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freshwest Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-26-11 03:34 PM
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1. Very good.
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NV Whino Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-26-11 08:01 PM
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2. Best health care in the world
Yes indeed. :rofl:
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kimi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-26-11 08:07 PM
Response to Original message
3. I used to work as an RN
so I know how most of these chartings could've happened. I even get the "hot in bed last night" note.

But - "found in bed with power mower"?? That has me stumped. (no pun intended) LOL
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dixiegrrrrl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-26-11 08:17 PM
Response to Original message
4. An actual chart I read in our clinic described
a patient's leg as having "gang green".
The more I thought about it, the more I realized it might have been an accurate description.
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undeterred Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-26-11 08:25 PM
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5. I remember a nurse who charted (many years ago)
that the patient has been taking "cat naps" all day. Some of the other nurses were all over her saying it wasn't a medical term, but everybody knew what she meant.
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kentauros Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-26-11 10:21 PM
Response to Original message
6. I was fine with a few chuckles and guffaws, until I hit #27

27. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


:spray: :rofl:
Why does MFM come to mind first? :P
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emilyg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Apr-26-11 11:00 PM
Response to Original message
7. LOL
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hifiguy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-27-11 09:23 AM
Response to Original message
8. The deceased will deliver the eulogy
after which there will be 30 minutes for rebuttals.
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-27-11 08:01 PM
Response to Original message
9. LOL!
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Duer 157099 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Apr-27-11 08:25 PM
Response to Original message
10. Ouch! I hurt from laughing so hard! Someone call a doctor. n/t
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