Has anyone successfully dealt with a bully at work?

[demgrrrll]

I am doing fairly well with this person but she is a
real doozie. She does all of the things that are listed
at the bully in the workplace sites. Sabotages work, withholds information, character and work product smears. There is a part
of me that just wants to move on and since it is just a part time
job it wouldn't be a big deal but my ego is getting in the way.
I am really beginning to wonder if someone with character can
successfully "win" if the bully has no moral compass whatsoever.
She has the administrator fooled so not much support there either.
Typical charmer/backstabber m.o. This is a first for me, It is
very difficult for me to reveal anything personal or ask for help.

[fishnfla]

1. Bide your time and find her weak spot

and ignore her upper hand. every bully has a soft under belly

[LastKnight]

2. just ignore them, they hate that.

or worse yet, treat them like a friend, they hate that even more. all my problems stopped with the work bully when they figured out it didnt work no me, he moved on.

-LK

[Occulus]

16. Ignoring bullies DOES NOT WORK.

I know this from years of personal experience. The more you ignore a bully, the harder they try to bully you.

No, bide your time, take notes if you must, and then destroy her in one fell swoop. She's never, ever bother you again after that.

[Skittles]

3. I throw food at them

they hate that and tend to avoid me thereafter.

[demgrrrll]

4. Thanks for your responses. I think I will bide my time and see what

happens while looking around for something else. I may
bring a pot roast or other large heavy food to work too.

[REP]

5. Does Getting Them Fired Count?

Document, document, document.

[Parrcrow]

9. Absolutely

Document everything and feel free to go over his or her head. Keep his or her supervisor in the loop.

Bullies work in secret. Don't keep their shitty secrets for them.

[meg]

6. She will do herself in - let her

If she is sabotaging your work and withholding information, make sure that you can document this. Be patient, honest and professional when going about getting the information your need.

If her smears relate to work product that she has sabotaged, you are home free. Go into your managers office with the documented proof that she caused the problem.

[cmd]

12. Exactly right - but document to help things along

It might take time and will be frustrating, but in the end she will destroy herself. Meanwhile here is a :hug:

[NewHampshireDem]

7. A Good Book on the Subject

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0440202019.01._PE_PIdp-schmooS,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0440202019/qid=1081688315/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/103-5896511-9905428?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

[lpbk2713]

8. Don't lower yourself to the point that

you want to beat her at her own game. The temptation is probably there but it would be undignified and she's had more practice anyway. Just give her enough rope and she will probably hang herself eventually.

[Snoggera]

10. Once, many years ago, I had to deal with one

and didn't really do it well. Maybe I should have had a discussion with her and the supervisor regarding the situation, but I thought at the time it would just get worse. Well, to make an ugly story short, she became progressively more aggressive until one day she hit me on the back of the head with a rock! I obtained a restraining order, she was immediately terminated, and the workplace became a good place to be. I heard that within two months, she was arrested and later convicted for selling crack. A lengthy prison term ensued.

I didn't take responsibility for her actions, but occasionally wondered if I had stopped it before it progressed, would all the later insanity have happened? Who knows.

So, my advice would be to nip it in the bud by discussing with your supervisor with the antagonist in the same room to respond. Hopefully, this will be a time the supervisor puts on the disciplinarian hat.

[bearfan454]

11. I did when I worked at IBM.

This freeper tried to tell me after the meeting that I had to watch what I said to the manager. I asked him why. He said because the manager doesn't want to hear about bad things at meetings, he wants to hear about good things. I said:

You get this straight right now:

I am going to say anything I want to say at a meeting. If shit is fucked up, I am going to say that shit is fucked up. You got that bucko ? He had to take the rest of the day off. He wasn't even over me, he just was a want a be. He shut to fuck up after that.

[Tom_Foolery]

13. I've Had My Share of Bullies...

But after I tell them to kiss my hairy ass, they usually leave me alone. I must note that I'm not a pushy person, so they're always surprised when I tell them off.

[demgrrrll]

14. Thanks again for the responses. I will give you an example of

what she does and how sneaky she is. She will take faxes
from the fax machine and hide the faxes. I had a feeling
that there was some program that would show that the faxes
were coming in and I was able to print up the report but
she had ERASED the day that the report came in. If you
obtain a report from the machine then what came over the
fax is erased for all time, per the fax machine person.
It is a real gaslight thing. On another occasion she put
a hidden fax in my box way after the fact to make me look
bad, I dodged that bullet because I had documentation that
I had left the building earlier than the printed fax time on that day.
You should have seen her face. She lies without compunction. She has a poker type tell her voice goes up an octave when she is telling a real whopper. She has the administrators ear which isn't helpful.
I kept the documentation of the fax report,
with the missing day. She knows I know.
But then she kept printing reports on the fax and leaving them
all around the office to dilute the impact of the report I had kept.
If I do meet with her and the administrator she will lie lie lie.

[HEyHEY]

15. I don't do well with work bullies - I get pissed

And it usually ends up in a yelling match.

[philosophie_en_rose]

17. *Breathe*

I work for a bully whose m.o. is to harass and intimidate workers, in order to cover up her unethical business practices. Needless to say, it sucks. However, this is my advice:

1) Think about what is happening. It might be that you feel stressed or unsatisfied and that perception is tainting your ability to relate to this person. Some questions to ask: "Is this person is behaving that way on purpose? Is she intentionally trying to hurt you? How do you think this person feels about you? Why would she intentionally sabotage her own work place?"

2) Work around the person as much as possible. If you need a fax, then watch the fax machine like a hawk. Don't rely on this person in any way that isn't absolutely necessary. And, if you have to work with her, ensure that others understand what she is supposed to do.

3)Communicate about everything that you do - including going to lunch, expecting a fax, or working on a project. Don't keep secrets.

4) Prove her wrong. She only makes herself look bad, if she is spreading rumors that aren't true. Basically, do your job well, treat people kindly, and own up to any mistakes that you've made.

5) Confront poor behavior, but kindly. Don't make yourself into a bully.

6) As a last resort, find another job. However, no one should have to quit over bullying.

[jpak]

18. I had a postdoctoral supervisor slug me one time

over change he was trying to make in a figure legend.

I gave him a week to apologize - he did not.

I emailed him (paper trail) and demanded an apology.

I then kicked in the door of his office and swore at the top of my lungs at him for 5 minutes - slammed the door - and filed an official complaint against him through the University.

He lied his way out of it and the University rolled - but he didn't dare mess with me after that....

Another time I shared an office with a flaming freeper who didn't like me because I wouldn't agree with his fucked up ravings on politics.

I ignored him.

One day - out of the blue - he started in on me and poked me in the chest with his finger.

I left the building immediately - (I was 2 seconds away from pounding his pathetic freeper ass).

I then went to another office and wrote him a letter stating that if he did not apologize I would report him to his supervisor (who he was deathly afraid of), file a complaint through the university and have him charged with battery.

I put the letter on his desk and went back to work.

He read the letter and was nearly reduced to tears - I just looked at him and told him to "lay off".

He eventually emailed me an apology (paper trail) and promised never to touch me or harass me again - but to this day he hates my guts.

I could care less, but he keeps his mouth shut and his hands off me.

You just cannot coddle a bully.