Okay, Barack. Now Show 'Em Your White Side. (satire)

[DeepModem Mom]

WP: SATIRICALLY SPEAKING
Okay, Barack. Now Show 'Em Your White Side.
By Bomani Armah
Sunday, March 23, 2008; B01

....So, now that the uncomfortable secret of Obama's blackness has finally been uncovered, it's time for him to promote his other half. Okay, I know what you're thinking:

But Bomani, we need to appeal to the historic significance of his being black, or try to make him non-racial!

Not so. In all honesty, the more I watch Obama talk and interact with people, the more I'm convinced he's a "soul brother." He walks with a rhythm, slaps skin when he shakes hands with even the most white-bread politician and speaks in a cadence that would make Rudy Ray Moore proud. Even though these attributes are part of the reason he has garnered support among important blocs of voters -- African Americans, young people, liberals, antiwar activists and the highly educated -- they will also serve to galvanize a voting bloc that hasn't had to come together before in the history of our country. That is the all-important "Aw Hell No!" voting bloc.

That's right. The "Aw Hell No!" political bloc has lain dormant for 200 years, waiting for a moment to flex its political muscle. Don't forget that this country is more than 60 percent white and that less than half the population votes. This means that a lot of white people could care less about the political process. They believe that national politics are really out of their reach and that it's not worth taking time off from work to participate. As long as the federal government stays within some superficial norms, they aren't worried about who does what in November. That is, until a black man (and to be honest, a woman) got a real chance to become president.

This attack on the laws of the universe is destined to cause a spike in participation by these once-apathetic voters. This is a group that includes young and old and has members in both rural areas and urban communities. "AHN" members are comfortable with their lives and just aren't ready for such a dramatic change in the White House. I wouldn't even be surprised if some members of this bloc have spoken glowingly of Obama -- maybe even attended his rallies. They may not realize that they're members of this group until the curtain is closed behind them in the voting booth.

This is why I say, play up Obama's white heritage as much as possible. He needs to start posing with his mother's family a lot more, not the United Nations crew of brothers and cousins he's normally seen running with. Staffers need to start snapping as many pictures as possible of him putting mayonnaise on his sandwiches and shaking hands straight up and down (no more low-fives that evolve into a shake with that pat on the back). He should also be banned from speaking at any kind of Baptist church (not just the United Church of Christ) and should just stick to churches that only use a pipe organ and where folks sing their songs solemnly and straight from a hymnal.

He should be given diction lessons so he stops cutting off his y's (no more "li-ber-teh" and "e-kwa-li-teh"). And for heaven's sake, when he's campaigning this summer, no rallies on the "south side" of any city. (Is there some cute, Anglo-sounding nickname that we can use as short for Barack? I'm open to suggestions. Hey, I've got it -- Barry!)...

(Bomani Armah is a Washington poet, hip-hop artist, satirist and educator.)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/21/AR2008032102746_pf.html

[TwilightGardener]

1. OK, I laughed. Hey, he dances like a white guy, isn't that enough?

[DeepModem Mom]

2. He kinda does, doesn't he? Although in "Dreams from My Father"...

it's related that on his father's one trip back to Hawaii to see him, as a child, he teaches him to dance an African dance. And it's also related in the book by his African family that his father, quite the ladies' man, was a great dancer and loved to dance.

[aasleka]

3. Well since you can see who actually votes by looking at the records

you could form an opinion of what bloc ACTUALLY sits out elections, I think you'll find it is those who either thinks there is no difference in the politicians or that their voice won't be heard anyway.