Lunabush's bad joke of the day - for the Gungeon

[Wickerman]

You know the deal. Post a joke, laugh at mine - I need the affirmation today. Absolutely no Jarts.

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son describing his predicament.

Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm getting too old to dig up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba

At 4:00 a.m. this next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba

[jeff30997]

1. LOL ! That's a good one!

:)

[thomas82]

9. OMG!!!

I have gatorade all over my keyboard!!! good joke
Tom

[marquett]

2. Help me out here

is Bubba really smart, or is the FBI really stupid?

[goju]

3. Yes

[Wickerman]

4. Bubba is a Republican

[MrBenchley]

5. LOL!!

Two guys are in a bar discussing their sex lives. One guy says to the other, "How's your sex life, buddy?" The other guy says, "Not too good. Every time me and the missus have sex, she loses interest half-way through. It's very frustrating."
The first guy says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have the same problem, but I found a cure. I hid a pistol under the bed. When she started to run out of steam, I simply fired the pistol. It gave her such a fright that she got all excited, and couldn't get enough. I wish I'd done it years ago."
The other guy says, "OK, I think I'll try that."
The next day they are back in the bar again. The first guy says, How did you get on with the pistol?"
The other guy says, "Don't talk to me about the damn pistol! Last night we were having sex and as usual, she lost interest half way through, so I fired the pistol, just like you said."
The first guy says, "So what happened?"
The other guy says, "She pissed all over me, and a man came out of the closet with his hands up!"

[skippythwndrdog]

6. Three tough looking rats, sitting at a bar, drinking.

The first rat puts down his beer and turns to the others, saying, "You know how tough I am? Well, you know that rat poison they put down in the kitchen? I eat that stuff for breakfast lunch and dinner!"

The second rat looks unimpressed and says, "That's nothing. You know those big rat traps they got all over the place? Well, get this - I jump in and out of them for exercise. That's how tough I am!"

The third rat knocks back his whiskey, slams the glass down on the bar and heads for the door. "Where are you going?" asks the first rat.
"I'm going home to screw the cat", replies the third rat.

[marquett]

7. You started it, now you have to live with it

An Army 4 star General, a Navy Admiral, and an Air force General, were on combined maneuvers, and, as those people are apt to do, they got to bragging about the courage and discipline of their respective troops.

The Army General said his were the fiercest and most disciplined, and to prove it he hollered at a private. The private came on a dead run and gave a sharp salute. The General ordered him to swim across a narrow inlet, that all new was infested with alligators. The private again saluted and jumped into the water and made it 20 feet before he was devoured by a swarm of alligators. The General said that is a brave soldier.

The Air Force General summoned his adjunct to fetch a radio. Shortly the General was talking to a fighter pilot at 20,000 ft. The general ordered the pilot to put his plane in a steep dive, and not pull up until he had direct orders to do so. As the plane crashed into the sea, the General said "now thats brave".

The Adm rill was not phased. He summoned a deck hand to his side "Sailor I want you on the top of that radio tower in 10 minutes. The deck had looked at him like he was nuts, but took off. He just made it in time, by giving extraordinary effort. The Adm rill gave him a second to catch his breath and commanded the sailor jump. The sailor yelled back down, and said "what"? The Admiral repeated him self so as not to be understood "I said, jump sailor". The sailor looked at the deck 100's ft below him then looked and the admiral and said "FUCK YOU".

"That my friends is a man with balls, he has to come down of that tower and deal with me eventually."

[library_max]

8. Back in the days of the Old West,

a Mexican bank robber made a small fortune jumping back and forth across the border. A Texas Ranger tracked him down, found him at a Laredo cantina, and got the jump on him with a gun to his head. "Tell me where you hid the money, or yer a dead man!"

Trouble is, the robber didn't speak any English and the Ranger didn't speak any Spanish. So the bartender was recruited to translate.

RANGER: Tell him if I don't get that money, I'll blow his fuckin' head off!

BARTENDER (in Spanish): Tell him where the money is or he'll shoot.

ROBBER (in Spanish): Oh God! Tell him the money is buried under an oak tree, behind this very cantina!

RANGER (in English): What'd he say?

BARTENDER (in English, after a slight pause): He said, "Fuck you, asshole, you haven't got the guts to shoot me!"