Ashcroft: "The hand of Providence has been assisted by" his DOJ

[BurtWorm]

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/10/20/politics/campaign/20cheney.html

While Mr. Cheney stumped on the terrorism issue in Ohio, Attorney General John Ashcroft suggested in a speech before the United Sates Chamber of Commerce in Washington that Providence was partly responsible for the United States' freedom from another attack since Sept. 11, 2001.

"For three years, our nation has been blessed," Mr. Ashcroft said. "But the hand of Providence has been assisted by the dedicated men and women of the Department of Justice. In three years, we have compiled a record of achievement that is impressive by peacetime standards."

[gratuitous]

1. Peacetime standards?

Doesn't Crisco Johnny know we're at war? That he's serving a war president? Who will tell the attorney general?

Fucking dumbass troglodyte phony religious sanctimonious asshat shit for brains lost to a dead guy motherfucker.

[Khephra]

2. Yeah, it's a pretty impressive record

Impressive for the number of screw-ups, failed cases, and convictions against non-threatening individuals, that is.

[hatrack]

3. "The hand of Providence evident in my successful bowel movement"

The Attorney General went on to state that the occasional itching, bleeding and pain he has suffered over the past few years from swollen hemorrhoidal tissues subsided when touched by the Finger of Divine Providence. "I didn't even need to wipe", added Mr. Ashcroft.

Medical experts stated that the Attorney General's condition is not unexpected. "When you've got someone who's been obsessively clenching his butt cheeks for more than 50 years, you're going to have problems," stated Dr. Ronald Griffin, a Washington DC proctologist.

[Rex_Goodheart]

4. These people are scary fundy loons.

This election is critical. We can not allow these Armageddon-seeking nutcases to dominate politics in this country.

[arbusto_baboso]

5. More selective memory from the God Squad...

Okay Asscrack, so where the fuck was Providence on 9/11/01? If God's been protecting us for 3 years now, where the hell was He on that day? And the fact that we WEREN'T protected on 9/11, does that mean that Bush and all his minions are CURSED???? Sure seems that way to me. Maybe 9/11 was a WARNING to America, but it was a warning about the sanctimoniousness and certitude of pseudo-spiritual fuckwits like YOU, Mr. Ashcroft, you rat bastard you!

Okay, end rant.

[Noxmtbnk]

6. "Further more..."

"Calico cats are a sign of the devil!"

hehe...

[MadHound]

7. OK, that does it!

I'm from Missouri, and we've had to put up with this man's assinine BS for too long here. When Bushco is voted out of office, I suggest that we fly this man to someplace where his medieval religious mumbo jumbo is fashionable. Say, oh, Iran. We certainly don't want him to retire back here to Missouri. He would probably try to run for office again.

[DinahMoeHum]

8. ". . .record of achievement. . ." LMAO !! How many convictions

of terrorist suspects? 1 or 2 in 5000, maybe? Sheeesh.

This guy can't kick a duck in the ass unless he stands on a brick, and even then, the odds are better than 50/50 he'll miss.


:evilfrown:

[rndmprsn]

9. well the foot of providence needs to go up his ass!

these people are shameless..they will do os say anything to get re-elected.

[Supersedeas]

10. has he already forgotten the AG internal report