Comedians on the campaign

[GreenPartyVoter]

Comedian commentary on the campaign:

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno":

"Sparks were flying again today. Al Gore accused President Bush of using religion to support his presidency. And George Bush fired back that 'Al Gore's just mad because God made me president.'"

"In an interview in USA Today, Teresa Heinz Kerry said she didn't think Laura Bush, who was a public school librarian for nine years, had ever held a 'real job.' Let me tell you something, if you're a librarian married to George W. Bush, there is no harder job on earth."

"The Cheneys announced that for the final two weeks of the campaign, their daughter will be straight."

"If Bush has a second term, Dick Cheney could be a candidate in 2008. A lot of people forgot about that. But Cheney says he has no intention of running for president for three reasons. One: He'll be too old. Two: He's had health problems. And three: He's already been president."

"Early voting began in Florida this week and guess what? There are already problems! After waiting two to three hours many Florida voters are shocked to get to the front of the line and find out - 'What? No flu shot?'"

"You know why Florida has started voting this week? See, primitive places like Florida and Afghanistan need longer to count the votes."

"Here's some good news. Federal officials say they found another 2.6 million doses of flu vaccine, which they will be able to distribute in January. That is, if Bush wins. If he doesn't, they might accidentally lose it."

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"Late Night with Conan O'Brien":

"In a new poll, Nickelodeon asked children who they would vote for in the presidential election and the kids picked John Kerry. Bush was so angry he told the kids tonight they would get a visit from the 'Boogie-Cheney.'"

"Yesterday, one of Iran's top leaders announced that he wants President Bush to win the election. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'You know, for an evil doer, he's not such a bad guy.'"

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"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart":

"On the campaign trail, the president continued what has been a theme throughout the year: John Kerry is a flip-flopper. Oh, and also consistently liberal."

"P. Diddy has launched his own pro-democracy campaign, subtly titled 'Vote or Die.' And you may remember, he is a gun owner. The hip-hop lobby lost much of its clout after McCain-Feingold explicitly banned the use of 'soft bling.'"

"MTV doesn't want you to vote because Christina Aguilera or P. Diddy tells you to. They think you should vote because it would mean a lot to Sonic the Hedgehog."

"By the way, quick word of advice: If the guy in front of you on line at the polling place has arm swords - might want to file an absentee."

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. kick for the evening crowd