bush=devil? nah, satan has better taste

[niyad]

Is Bush Really The Devil?
Satan has better taste in shoes. Is far sexier. Can actually spell 'Venezuela.' I mean, come *on*
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Wednesday, September 27, 2006











It was a minor furor. A cute political hubbub, Dems and Repubs alike reluctantly defending poor confused Dubya from the slings and arrows of outrageous Venezuelans. George W. Bush is the devil! cried otherwise wonderfully charismatic but also dumbly ham-fisted Hugo Chávez in front of a bank of U.N. microphones. America is the Great Satan! agrees Islamic fundamentalism, as it mindlessly firebombs a few thousand innocent cars and blows up various KFCs in endless examples of idiotic violence that, ironically, makes Allah shrink in humiliation.

It's a delightfully common appraisal, this Bush-is-the-Devil thing, one I hear frequently from my otherwise highly intelligent, liberal brethren. But is George W. Bush really Satan? Was he really sent to us by an angry and sighing God(dess) to test our ability to suffer toxic GOP fools with greater humor and more sex and good scotch? Let us examine the evidence. Truly, Bush's claim to titanic evilness appears irrefutable. The list of atrocities is so obvious as to be dazzling. Hell, can't we all sense his pallid wickedness down in our very bones? Aren't we all more than a little embarrassed by it? Isn't this the real reason everyone's so annoyed with Chávez? Not because he's wrong but because he's just, you know, horribly tactless?

But I am here to tell you, it ain't that easy. I am here to set the record straight. Well, straighter. Because unfortunately, no matter how much we all want to believe it's true, Bush simply cannot be the Devil. He simply doesn't have the chops. Let us turn, for a moment, to Milton's epic poem "Paradise Lost," perhaps the most heavily canonized and lovingly detailed examination of the underworld and its enraged minions, where Satan cuts, quite simply, one hell of a figure.

Here is Lucifer, a massive, thunderous hero, subtle and intelligent and enormously articulate, full of passion and red-hot anarchy, the ultimate rebel. He is often seen reclining in his cavernous, rocky lair, lying on his side, all muscled godlike beauty and ruined glory and deep seduction and heat. He is just terribly, wonderfully alluring. See? Right there, already we're a galaxy away from Dubya. Bush, of course, has no such magnificence. Bush is small and quivery and eats his vanilla pudding with a fork. While Satan orates and philosophizes at great intellectual length, Dubya can't even sit still during an entire State of the Union address without fidgeting and moving his upper body back and forth like a little metronome, twitching and squirming like a child.

. . . . . .

Sorry Mr. Chávez, but Bush is no Devil: He is not nearly capable enough, sexy enough, charming enough, debauched or gloriously ruined enough. Bush cannot possibly fill the Devil's gorgeous, tragic Prada shoes. He's far more akin to something to be scraped from the bottom of them.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2006/09/27/notes092706.DTL&hw=morford&sn=009&sc=772