Psst! Want To See Something Really Scary? (Halloween Edition)

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Thu Oct-25-07 11:45 PM
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Psst! Want To See Something Really Scary? (Halloween Edition)

Halloween is fast approaching, and there are monsters everywhere. Leave it to liberal bloggers to hunt them down and drive a few virtual stakes through their shriveled Republican hearts. Plus, DUers' original posts inspire the best costume ideas, and we now know the Republicans' worst Nightmare on Democracy Street scenario! Who's the scariest of them all?

Republican Manwhores On The Prowl

Who else but The Rude Pundit could point out the eeeeevil behind those used car salesmen smiles as they pander to the beast in potential "values" voters?

Everything you need to know about the Republicans candidates for president is contained in this simple fact from last night's Fox "news" debate: they spent more time on gay marriage than on the war in Iraq.

(snip)

A good chunk of the debate consisted of one candidate after another declaring they hate illegal immigrants more, they loves 'em some fetuses more, they hate gays more than the others. And when it came to the gays, oh, snap, how they went after each other like old drag queens at a Liza Minnelli yard sale. Romney made the stunning admission that he read the Constitution of the state he was governor of and found it lacking in pro-gay marriage statements: "My state's constitution was written by John Adams. It isn't there. I've looked." Adams's penchant for wigs and frills is beside the point.

Romney's head would probably explode if he ever learned that John Adams was a... a... Unitarian. (Cue Vincent Price "Thriller" laugh.) Wait! There's another manwhore FOXing his way into living rooms, intent on sucking the brains out of Neil Cavuto's audience! News Hounds IDed him as once-relevant Country singer, Charlie Daniels. That's right. Charlie Daniels was Cavuto's expert on eavesdropping (FISA) issues:

Daniels said he travels all around the country and people, "don't feel like they're very represented." "I mean, these guys, they sit down there and you know, draw up things against talk show hosts?! Is that all they got to do?"

Cavuto wondered whether he was,"saying they're risking our security?"

Daniels said. "I'm absolutely saying..."

Cavuto interrupted: "They're saying they're trying to protect the Charlie Daniels of the world from being snooped on."

Daniels: "Well, I understand and it's a shame we have to go that far to take care of business," but, "we either gotta protect the country or we're not going to have a country to protect and if it means eavesdroppin', we have to eavesdrop. If it means, you know, lookin' at people's email, we have to look at people's email."

Not to be outdone, CNN's Political Ticker Blog cites Chuck Norris' endorsement of Mike Huckabee for president. Best line of the blog post: "Huckabee's campaign has not responded to a request for comment." Psst, Chuck! Congrats on picking the truly scary-stupid one! From Josh Marshall at TPM:

I've sort of gotten tired of explaining that, no, the Founding Fathers actually weren't all born-agains and bible thumpers. Not hardly. (Probably better to say that the great majority ranged from believers in an entirely impersonal God -- Deists -- to believing Christians who nonetheless viewed popular religious enthusiasm with a polite and paternal disdain.) But presidential candidate and former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, himself a Baptist minister, actually told a crowd yesterday that "most" of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were "clergymen."

As these folks at Politifact.com point out, one out of 56 were clergymen.

It's a creative definition of 'most'.

Cue Vincent Price as the Witchfinder General. BWAAAHAAAHAAA! And now for something really scary...

Boo, Paris!

Alex Blagg at Best Week Ever writes:

As Paris Hilton took the stage at Spike's 2007 Scream Fest to promote some terrible new movie she's in that no one's ever going to see, several people in the audience - which presumably consisted of scary movie enthusiasts who regularly find pleasure in watching grotesque scenarios in which people are stalked and tortured in the most vile and disturbing ways imaginable - simply didn't have the stomach to withstand the waking nightmare of Paris Hilton, standing in front of them, saying words. It's hard to tell exactly whether the sound they're making is repulsed booing, or unbridled howls of chilling terror. Or both maybe.

Favorite video quote: "She bleeds like a pro." Whatever that means. Oh, yeah. Special effects. As in the "Paris' Performance Skills" narration that preceded the bleeding part, "She sings. She dances." Ugh. While you're hanging out at Best Week Ever, check out their post, "Top 10 Topical Halloween Costumes Everyone Will Be Wearing Even Though We Wish They Wouldn't," which includes:

Any YouTube Viral Video, Ever

An iPhone

And my personal favorite costume no-no:

Crazy Bald Britney - I've got a feeling we're going to be seeing a whole lot of unoriginal people dressed as their best interpretation of the various stages in Britney Spears' year-long public meltdown, but most of all, it's going to be people with bald caps, umbrellas and crazy eyes. If you must, at least give us Sad VMA Britney or Britney's Last Stand In The Quiznos Bathroom.

If Pop Culture cultism rings your doorbell on Halloween, run! And watch out for...

The Cult Formerly Known As The Republican Party

Words of Power identifies seven more nails that should seal the BushCo coffin once and for all. Here are the first three:

Nail #1: For the sake of domestic political damage control, Bush-Cheney hurt US intelligence efforts to thwart the Iranian quest for nuclear weapons

Nail #2: Even the military-industrial complex itself is moving away from these people, afraid that their delusional policies will end up doing irreparable harm to the conduct of business

Nail #3: US Army Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez (Ret.), who preceded Casey and Petraeus as the leader of "coalition forces" has joined the swelling ranks of those commanders who both served on the ground in Iraq and have spoken out -- in clear and damning terms -- against what is going on there

Read the rest. They're eye-popping. Speaking of eye-popping, one Republican candidate comes to mind immediately...

Worse Than Watergate

If Rudolph Nineelevenani turns out to be the Republican prez nominee, Christian Coalition members might just take their pitchforks and torches in search for a third-party candidate. The 'Skeeter Bites Report notes:

GOP Is Facing Its Worst Electoral Crisis Since Watergate

The potential breakup of the conservative coalition that has held the Republicans together for more than 25 years is the most serious electoral crisis facing the party since 1974, when fallout from the Watergate scandal led to a Democratic landslide in that year's midterm congressional election.

On the other hand, a walkout by Christian Right leaders from the GOP would only serve to permanently marginalize them from the American political mainstream, a prominent conservative leader warns.

BWAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAA! P.M. Carpenter adds:

They're put-out, flummoxed and peeved, for the blessed pickings are thin -- even thinner than the transubstantiating wafers they rapturously dine on each week.

Oh, sure, there's former governor Mike Huckabee. But if ever there was a strategic face that bespoke "vice-presidential candidate," it is his. And now it's a sure thing he won't be attending funerals and non-alcoholic cocktail parties for his would-have-been boss, Sam (Brownback), which leaves the thumpers with -- holy gasps -- a Mormon, a Moderate and a Monotony.

There is some good news for one of the manwhores. Buck up, Rudolph. As Don Davis (at The Satirical Political Report) writes, your new voter base sends greetings!

SPACE INVADERS FROM BIZARRO WORLD KIDNAP RUDY TO BE THEIR '11/9′ LEADER

By Don Davis

"WE THOUGHT RUDY WOULD BE PERFECT. NOT ONLY DOES HE LOOK LIKE ONE OF US, BUT ON '11/9' WE CELEBRATE THE LACK OF CIVILITY AND COMMON SENSE."

"ME LIKES THE IDEA OF '11/9'."

Excellent work, Don! Live long and prosper. Hold on! Time to cue Colin Clive...

Former Senator Man-On-Dog LIVES!

It's alive! And it's not Boris Karloff, either. It's... Rick Santorum! Attywood posts an email touting Santorum's newly minted scare-you-to-death issue: Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week.

"Rick Santorum has been the most courageous and outspoken public figure in America alerting all of us to the true nature of the enemy we face," said David Horowitz, founder of the Freedom Center, and organizer of "Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week," which includes events at over 100 schools across America."

Attywood's stake-through-the-heart of the matter analysis:

Of course, maybe the reason that "Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week" isn't celebrated on most college campuses is that the term has no academic basis, but is a loaded political phrase that failed politicians like Santorum use to overhype the threat from terrorism, scaring the American people to justify torture, invading countries that had nothing to do with 9/11, and the incredible longshot of reviving Santorum's career.

There's nothing scarier than a failed Republican politician, Attywood. Unless it's...

The Beast Of A Bush Brazillion Billable Hours

He's baaaack! Betcha never thought you'd have to swallow any more of Ken Starr's swill. All Spin Zone sighted the regenerated Kenster, who is now fighting for the rights of his sex crimes clients.

Yeah, it looks like Ken Starr's got his work cut out for him. He's still got to keep Epstein's name of the sex offender registry. Yeah, you've heard that one, a millionaire who gets off of a penalty that no regular person would get off of. Justice for the rich, brought to you by Ken Starr.

So, now that Ken Starr's not lapping it up at the public trough, turning a simple investigation into a monster that only served political interests, it's good to see him getting dirty and doing legitimate, if very disgusting, legal work. After all, even slimeballs need representation. Personally, if I'm a slimeball, though, there's not a chance of me calling Starr.

Let me get this straight: Clinton's private life = bad, Epstein's sex-toy abuse of 14-year olds = not worth prosecuting and his rights must be protected? That's some truly scary shit... worthy of calling for help.

Who're Ya Gonna Call?

As Rising Hegemon points out, it looks like the new CIA anti-terrorist logo was ~~stolen from a movie~~ designed to ~~entertain~~ scare the shit out of children:

WTF?!!!

Jiminy Jeebus, you have got to be shittin' me?

This is the CIA's Terrorist Buster Logo.

Yes, international terrorism...for kids (some assembly required)

Think Progress goes one step further:

Terrorist busters.

The CIA has unveiled a new https://www.cia.gov/news-information/cia-the-war-on-terrorism/dci-counterterrorist-center-terrorist-buster-logo.html">Terrorist Buster logo. John McCloskey notes that the logo "evokes the Ghostbusters logo." The new CIA logo is below on the left:

Is there anyone left to fight these monsters? Is Kevin McCarthy available?

Invasion Of The FDR Democrat Snatchers

The Progressive Daily Beacon has observed that today's Dems aren't our grandparents' Dems:

FDR faced down Hitler without blinking and Reid, Pelosi, and rank-and-file Democrats can't manage to muster the courage to confront a man-child that doesn't even have the support of 30 percent of the people. Pathetic, bed-wetting cowards!

Hey, know what? Maybe these Democrats aren't our grandparents' Democrats, but that's probably because our grandparents wouldn't have idly stood by while Democrats AND Bush destroyed the country and the Constitution. Our grandparents knew that if they had been willing to accept anything from their leaders, they would have gotten nothing.

Sadly, you don't even need to find the smoking pod to recognize that something seriously strange is afoot. Also strange...

The Fall Of The House(s) Of Luxury

Boing Boing's Cory Doctorow cites a review of Dana Thomas's "Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Luster" and reveals that the lap of luxury is actually all smoke and mirrors, made by cheap slave-wage labor in China. The biggest revelation?

By being part of groups that do not reveal breakout figures, you can hide the truth � i.e. LV (Louis Vuiton) can be doing well as a brand, while Givenchy and Kenzo are disintegrating, and Fendi has never made a penny, but as long as only group results are issued, and LV can cross-subsidise the dying brands, then all can appear hunky dory.

Will someone please convince my 20-something daughter that that $2000+ designer handbag she covets is just another piece of mass-produced junk and that "vintage" is the only true luxury left? Unless by vintage, you're talking about last year's...

Worst Halloween Costume Ever

I found this posted at Cynical-C and suggested that the blogger update it for 2007 as Larry Craig's 2007 Halloween costume.

Funny, isn't it, how you begin to see Halloween costume ideas everywhere the week before Oct. 31st? Consequently, it's time to...

Thank A DUer!

Thanks to NNN0LHI for the following costume ideas and for the reminder of who Republicans really are:

Imagine going into the next election with one of our Senators caught wearing diapers...

...and another one who got caught cruising the public toilets? The party of diaper wearing shit house cruisers. Christ.

Sure glad I am no Republican.

Thanks to u4ic for inspiring another great costume idea with this chilling post:

There are horror flicks, and there are horror flicks

and then there is...Jesus Camp.

I shouldn't have watched it alone.

That post gave me the willies. Finally, thanks to faygokid for this Pumpkinhead costume idea:

Have you seen the new New Yorker magazine cover? Boo!

Thanks, DUers! One last scary item: we now know...

The Republicans' Worst "Nightmare On Democracy Street" Scenario

Of course, it's this truly scary thought uttered by BushCo spokesmodel, Dana Perino (hat tip to TPM) and the event which scared Perino so much (brought to you by Bob Fertig): What if Congress were run by Code Pink?

Condi Can't Face the Horror She Unleashed

This is http://news.yahoo.com/photo/071024/480/1466b126d643468ebfab2c97e09e90a6">an amazing photo.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, is confronted by CodePink member Desiree Anita Ali-Fairooz, her hands painted red, as she arrives to testify on Capitol Hill in Washington, Wednesday, Oct. 24, 2007, before the House Foreign Relations Committee hearing regarding US policy in the Middle East, where she spoke about Iraq, Iran, and the Israel Palestinian conflict. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Ali-Fairooz is looking directly into Condi's eyes, but Condi can't bear to look back because Ali-Fairooz's bloody hands hold a mirror to her soul.

Here is the video of the encounter, which shows Ali-Fairooz grabbed immediately by security. Then security grabbed the other Code Pink activists in the room, even though none of them appears to have done anything.

At least someone is scaring BushCo's flying monkeys this week. Thanks, patriots! And thanks to everyone who sent in these great blog links. Happy Halloween to all, and to all a Great Pumpkin load of goodies!

-- Delilah Boyd