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The huge orange sun struggles to clear the horizon on what would normally be a warm, breezy pre-fall day. The kind of day that would invite a stroll along the Potomac while skipping stones against the current.
On this somber day, President Richard Cheney and newly selected Vice President Rudy Guiliani have scheduled a news conference at 9:11 this morning.
There is no question that they will pay tribute to those events that shaped their world on 9-11-2001 and to remind us that the next attack is just around the corner and that we should be very afraid.
It has also been announced today that Attorney General Mukasey will launch an investigation as to how a box of 00 shotgun shells could have accidentally placed on the presidential helicopter, flown across country to the hunting ranch, accidentally loaded into Cheney's shotgun without being detected at any one of several checkpoints and refueling stations along the route. Mr. Mukasey announced that special prosecutor Alberto Gonzales will be in charge of the investigation. You will recall that Mr. Gonzales was reinstated to the Justice Department, with full back pay,after an internal investigation by the DOJ found that all charges that were brought against him in 2007 were unsubstantiated and probably the work of neo-liberals. The specifics of that investigation have been sealed.
Tomorrow will be an unusually somber day as President Bush is laid to rest after that terrible hunting accident that occurred after 00 buckshot shells were accidentally loaded into President Cheney's shotgun while hunting snipe on the Crawford Ranch. A preliminary police investigation found that evidently five of the buckshot collided with each other while President Cheney shot down range and to his left. Mr. Bush was on President Cheney's right side when he was hit by shotgun pellets that evidently traveled up and to the right, again, that is up and to the right. No doubt because of the collision. Mr. Mukasey has stated that no cow dropping will be left unturned to get to the bottom of this incident.
Meanwhile, we have received an update that President Cheney will address the nation from the Norad command center due to an unspecific threat received by VP Guiliani. Mr. Guiliani has scheduled a news conference from the White House press room and that conference will start in nine minutes and eleven seconds.
While holding the press conference, a blast that recorded .00008 on the Richter scale shook Washington D.C. to the core. The blast occurred atop the renamed Washington Monument, the now George W. Bush Memorial, and has destroyed a window in that building. President Cheney immediately ordered that, for the sake of National Security, martial law be declared and all Constitutional guarantees be revoked. This to be effective immediately and until further notice. It will also be necessary to cancel the planned elections for National Security reasons.
Upon further investigation by the Justice Department, it has been determined that the tiny country of Liechtenstein is responsible for the detonation of the 20mg nuclear warhead that had been smuggled aboard a commercial trans-Atlantic passenger plane. The FAA has determined that an investigation into this incident is not necessary because it is too late. It already happened, an FAA source said, what would you have us do now? Inspect every bag? Impossible.
In his great heroism, VP Juliani has stated that it is not necessary for Congress to return to Washington as he, Mr 9/11 hero, will convene Congress, as he is allowed to do under signing statement 3,842. The statement authorizes that as he is President of the Senate and will conduct business as the fourth arm of this government.
The Capital is now safe as Blackwater troops have surrounded the White House and is conducting aerial reconnaissance throughout the Eastern half of the country in order to dispense with any large crowds that may gather in an effort to overthrow the government of President Cheney. Mr. Cheney states that if any insurgency has started in the US, it is a known fact that it is in it's last throes, if you will and is confident that order WILL BE MAINTAINED!
Stay tuned for further updates.
Just trying for some levity about a serious potential scenario.
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