How many candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

[begin_within]

One to use lofty rhetoric inspire hope that the lightbulb will be changed - and to ask the lightbulb to believe in that change.
One to point out that you can't just "nice" these bulbs into changing - you really have to grab it firmly and turn the bulb yourself even if it resists.
One to state that she has 35 years of experience changing light bulbs, and will be ready to start changing bulbs from day one.
One retired lightbulb changer to chime in that this change of bulb is the biggest fairy tale he's ever seen.
One who could change it so completely and profoundly to a bulb that hasn't been lit for decades - but the doorman won't let him in the room.

Please help me out with the R candidate's - I can't tell them apart from funeral directors.

[NastyRiffraff]

1. How many candidates does it take to change a light bulb--Republican edition

One to claim that there's no need to change a light bulb; we must stay the course with the burnt-out lightbulb
One to point out that thousands of light bulbs were smashed on 9/11, so we need to smash some more in other locations instead of changing this one
One to say that there's no need for light bulbs at all; Jesus will illuminate the room
One to actually change the lightbulb, then change his mind and substitute another one, then another, and another

[begin_within]

2. Well done!

[smokey nj]

4. And one to say, screw changing the light bulb, let's just take a nap.

[robbedvoter]

3. I was going to applaud it until you incorporate the "fairy tale" BS...