|
Vocal Impressions: The Presidential Contenders from NPRRon Paul Listeners say the Republican congressman from Texas sounds like:
That tree in the forest that goes over and no one is around to hear it — Andrew Bergstrom
That math teacher who can finally explain integrals in a way you can understand — Simon Lee
The man who just realized his bizarre dream about not wearing his pants to work isn't really a dream after all — Jeff Cole
The thoughts of the secretary taking notes at a long, convoluted meeting of a university faculty working on a policy to allot parking spaces — Barbara Rose
A bumper car out of control — Jan Pingleton
The persistent fly trapped against the plastic bubble skylight in my bathroom — Jannifer Vener
A stiff, old, leather work glove sliding across the fender of a rusty Ford — Glenda Childress
A barber giving unsolicited chatter while cutting hair — Jim Cassell
Bouncing in a Hacky Sack game: Sometimes right on, sometimes way off the mark — Jane Bennett
A door closing on a long empty hallway — Alan McComas
Grandpa talking sense while the dinner plates are being cleared — Kate Seavey
A scheming but well-meaning friend — Charlie Smillie
The whine of the dentist drill without Novocain — Ralph Foster
A Jack Russell terrier trying to persuade his owners that he really didn't mean to kill that squirrel — Jeff Kramer
A puppet from Mr. Rogers' neighborhood of make-believe — Mathayu Warren Lane
Sitting in the middle seat on a long plane flight between an old married couple who insists on sharing their meals — Jonathan Ullman
Hillary Clinton
Listeners say the Democratic senator from New York sounds like:
The first-grade teacher you still think about 40 years later — Ruth Stanford
A bright, colorful, cherry pie made entirely of metal — Jennifer Arceneaux
Lucy from Peanuts, home from college on her way to grad school, still berating Linus and Charlie Brown — Rachel Catlett
Broken glass in your creme brulee — Loretta Shea
A brilliant, sometimes scary, always righteous mother, making your teenage life miserable and you, better — Dana Self
Your high school principal, trying to be a good sport after getting dunked for the 15th time at the dunking booth at the school carnival — Christy Hermann
The feeling you got when the mean teacher you had in grade school tried to say nice things about you to your mother during parent-teacher's conference — Jeffrey Lopez
A shovel hacking the ice off of the concrete steps — John Snow
Spring cleaning with the sun shining and the windows open and a whistle-while-you-work tune playing on the stereo — Laura Owen
The hand-knit sweater from your aunt: sincere, well intentioned but still a little scratchy — Heidi Raatz
The sex ed teacher talking about abstinence — Karam Kamel
Extra thick, waxy dental floss — Balke Hodges
The librarian who, with glee and sanctimony, advises you of your late fee — Brad Jergins
The nurse who says the shot won't hurt a bit, and you scream your lungs out — Cheryl Anthony
That super bright, vaguely attractive, slightly awkward girl in your 12th-grade class as she practices her valedictorian speech for the 11th time — Tim Sylvester
A Chicago-style hot dog with the works served with champagne — Sally Deneen
Mike Huckabee
Listeners say the Republican former governor of Arkansas sounds like:
Gomer Pyle with a master's degree — Joel Henry- Fisher
Wonderful faith with limited reasoning — Tosha Apple
The bouncy beach ball of doom — Loretta Shea
The guy who gets stuffed in his locker every other day but pretends it never happens — Rob Lytle
The good cop in the good cop-bad cop routine — Lorie Haddad
Cold fried chicken and Jell-O salad on a paper plate — Joe Brettillo
An insurance salesman giving his pitch — Jim Cassell
Porky Pig without the stammer — Dana Powell Russell
A guy who sells snake oil out of his Humvee — Ruth Stanford
My boss telling us why none of us are getting raises this year — Jan Pingleton
A 10-year-old on the brink of convincing his dad to buy a PlayStation — Ellis Hammond Pereira
The DJ I always wanted to wake up to but whose station I could never find — Barbara Rose
What a 1973 driver's ed manual would sound like if it could talk — Sandy Moran
A Fox newscaster reading from the teleprompter — Kate Seavey
That boy in high school who won't quit asking you out on a date — Krista Burczyk
Barack Obama
Listeners say the Democratic senator from Illinois sounds like:
The voice of reason found somewhere in a Neil Simon play — Harold House
A glass of pinot noir with a Ph.D. in philosophy — Bill Cox
Falling snow with the rare phenomena of thunder and lightning in the distance — Jeff Cole
A perfectly tailored camel's hair coat — John Snow
A public address system at a retail store when there's a clean-up on aisle three — Susan Kunkel
A Gary Cooper cowboy, folksy but competent, riding up to say to America: "How can I help you, Ma'am?" — Janet Zehr
A 10-year-old boy in his pajamas in front of a mirror on Halloween, practicing his best adult voice filtered through a Darth Vader mask — Lesley Hall
Driving for the first time after getting your license — Jonathan Ullman
Listening to someone on an amazing first date in college, full of hormones and idealism, confused as to whether you're more attracted mentally or physically — Kate Seavey
The tuba that leads the Fourth of July parade — Lorie Haddad
A lozenge slipping down the back of the tongue just before it chokes you — Laura Owen
An engine starting on a car that just stalled out in the path of a speeding train — Jacqueline Rouda
The echo from a really good dream you try holding onto with smiling, closed eyes — Joe Brettillo
Rocky at the top of the stairs — Saida Temofonte
Warm tea melting the sharp edge off of ice cubes — Irene Dvoraczky Bell
A saxophone line in a Dave Brubeck piece capable of shifting time to engage you — Rachel Shada
John McCain
Listeners say the Republican senator from Arizona sounds like:
A firm handshake that borders on painful — Marty Kelso
An undertaker explaining to the family why grandma's funeral will cost $15,000 — Pat Farrell
Open-mic night at a Western-sidekick retirement home — Ralph Foster
Casey Kasem announcing for the 10th straight week that your least favorite song is still No. 1 — Josh Carr
The voice black comedians give to the entire white male population — Bridget Richien
A hurricane trapped inside a pickle jar — Michael Woo
Gen. Patton's teddy bear — Ami Leaming
Mr. Fudd goes to Washington to hunt "wabbits" — Andrew Bergstrom
Old wipers swiping at high speed across a dirty windshield — Glenda Childress
Someone who is tired and carefully telling you sad news because they love you — Kate Seavey
The zipper on the pocket of a bomber jacket — Dave Edgerton
The guy you meet in an alley who opens his trench coat to try and sell you knockoff watches — Karl Krekeler
A 1968 GTO rumbling at a red light — Ellen Ternes
The big stick you carry when you speak softly — Tony McConnell
The smooth, measured calm of expertly repressed anger — Dana Powell Russell
A straw broom sweeping a gravel driveway — Alan McComas |
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(266 posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
