That's It! I'm Voting for Nader

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

Because let’s face it, our generation hasn’t suffered enough, at least not compared to our parents and grandparents. Oh sure, there are nearly 4,000 Americans dead in Iraq today, but back in Vietnam, we were losing 4,000 troops a year. Has Country Joe McDonald written a song about Iraq yet? No! Why? Because Iraq hasn’t reached the “critical mass” needed to generate a really top-notch protest song. And he might be dead already. I don’t know.

The point here is that Iraq is just human chump-change compared to World War II. The Allies lost nearly 4,000 soldiers in ONE DAY during the Normandy Invasion. John McCain understands that. That’s why he wants to stay in Iraq for 100 years – given the nature of the conflict over there, it’s doing to take at least that long to generate some really impressive casualty figures. And since a vote for Nader is just like a vote for McCain, I think you understand my logic.

Or at least I hope you do.

And then there’s the economy. Sure, more than 400,000 American families have been foreclosed upon during the past year, but I have to stress that these are just paper losses (includes wallpaper). But it’s not like people are packing whole families in creaky jalopies and migrating to California in hopes of picking peaches. Mostly because those jobs are already being done by undocumented workers.

The point here is that economically, we’re far from hitting the bottom. And unless we continue the fiscal policies of the past seven years, we’re not going to get anyway close. Look at the national debt. It was only $5.7 trillion in 2000, but not it’s blossomed to a hearty and robust $9.3 trillion. With just a little more effort we can crack $10 trillion for the first time in our history!

What’s that you say? Deficits are bad? Phew! (or some interjection to that effect)

Deficits are our friend because they allow us to keep spending money without ever actually having to repay it. Not in this generation, anyway. And I think we’ve all seen “Blade Runner” enough times to know that the future is going to suck anyway, so you might as well be a few (or several) trillion dollars in debt. And NO WAY is Harrison Ford a replicant.

A Nader vote virtually ensures that we can continue down this path without having accept responsibility for any of the messy consequences. If you’re old enough to remember sex during the 1970’s and before AIDS ruined the orgy for everybody, I think you know what I mean.

Vote for Ralph, and all your wildest dreams will come true.

Pretty catchy campaign slogan, no? I wrote it myself.

[saltpoint]

1. Nader's pukey, Jeff. Steer clear of the man.

He's got electoral cooties.

[elias7]

2. I think that's what he's telling you, in a facetious manner

[saltpoint]

4. On second read, I finally get it, which means I need to coffee up here.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

5. And that's another thing...

Health Care. It used to be when a person got sick, they saw the doctor and then died. Now that everybody has become obsessed with "curing" people, our healthcare system is no longer good enough for the people who just want to put off the inevitable. YOU'RE GOING TO DIE. Deal with it!

[saltpoint]

6. True. Most people are going to die. Except Thor. He isn't.

(I've got the coffee on as we speak, Jeff. Swear to god.)

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

7. It's Monday

Need Caffeine...

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

3. Well Said.

You said it much better than me. I would've just said "Fuck Nader".

[Lone_Star_Dem]

8. Fun read!

:thumbsup:

Good job and thanks!

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

10. I was feeling particularly snarky this morning.

nt

[sybylla]

9. Vote for Ralph!

Because until the Republicans start locking the liberal rabble up in prison camps, we won't clearly be able to see any difference between the parties.

[Lilith Velkor]

11. Stupid premise, but refreshingly witty presentation

K & R.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

12. Uh....Thank you?

:shrug:

[Lilith Velkor]

13. No problem. I live to serve.

:patriot:

Perhaps a better way to put it would be that I vehemently disagree with the premise that "a vote for _____ is a vote for _____." This is still America, one can vote for whomever one likes, and a good candidate will work to persuade citizens to vote for him (or her) instead of arrogantly presuming that votes are owed him (or her). Such repugnantly undemocratic attitudes have not served the Democratic party well of late.

However, many DUers seem to share your perspective, and expressing it in the form of satire is a welcome change from the monotony of Two-Minute-Nader-Hate threads. Good on you. :toast: