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I am certain of this because I hate him and I imagine it to be true.
Because I personally dislike Barack Obama, and because I know that many men are sexist, I am certain that every state Barack Obama has won is due to men being horrible sexists. I heard that elderly Black men voted for Obama by 85%! Can you believe those sexists? I mean, why else would these men vote for Barack Obama? What other reason could there be? I can think of none.
I'm sure you've seen that horrible banner ad circulating all over the internet with a mean, wrinkled looking Hillary and a smooth, gorgeous Barack. I know that the Barack Obama campaign planted those images because I personally HATE Barack Obama and that is proof enough for me. And that group called CUNT? That was all Obama's campaign. I know that right-wingers enjoy provoking dissent and disinformation, but in this case it is all Barack Obama's fault. I know this because I hate him, and I'm not the only one who does...
Chris Matthews, Tim Russert, all these horrible men in the news hate Clinton. They call her a witch, they say she has thick ankles, they say she sounds like a mom--I attribute all this to the Rovian tactics of the Barack Obama campaign. He is a very, very powerful man. Caroline Kennedy likes him and you know who's in her family: GOVERNOR AHNAALD! A REPUBLICAN who said SEXIST things? Coincidence? Oh, I think not.
Barack Obama has no redeeming qualities because I say so. He only won in South Carolina because my mother's neighbor's brother told me that men in South Carolina beat their wives. And he was a poll worker there--he should know about men in South Carolina. It's horrible what they do.
Barack Obama has no worth. He is just a daywalking vampire that rips fetuses from the bellies of good Democratic voting women.
What people don't understand is that the majority of Americans are exactly the poorly drawn stereotypes they dream them to be. I wish more people would understand this principle. For example, all Democrats in Texas have freckles and wheat sticking out of their teeth and they all ride horses to work. They are only motivated by pure hate. They are a different breed of people than you and I are. There are only seven people in the whole state of Texas who are anything like Molly Ivins or Jim Hightower. The rest are members of the Klan. There are also no Black or Latino cowboys. It's just not possible because you never see people like that on Walker Texas Ranger. All of the Mexican-American community are illegal aliens as well. Every single one of them. They don't vote. They just sit around in sombreros waiting for your tax dollars and also to take your jobs. All you need to really understand a Texas Democrat and the depth of Texas Democratic depravity is to resort to your commonsense understanding of what a Texas Democrat must be like. Movies and TV are an excellent source of information. Texas Democrats are also more like Texas Republicans than they are like other Democrats, so it is right to compare them to George Bush and his ilk (just like Democrats in Connecticut are exactly like George Bush) and also in the same way that union activists in NYC are just like the brokers on Wall Street. They must be. They're all New Yorkers. (They also are all Italian or Jewish.)
The MOST important thing to remember, though, is that there is no reason on this earth that anyone would vote for Obama other than deeply-entrenched sexism, the same way that there is no reason on earth anyone would vote for Clinton other than deeply-entrenched racism.
It is just not possible that people voted for the candidates who inspired them or who they felt best protected their jobs, their reproductive rights, their social security. Or the candidates they felt were someone their sons or daughters could be proud of. Or even the lesser of two evils.
I don't believe it. I won't believe it. And besides, I read it on Drudge and it was all over Fox News so it must be true.
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