A Modest Proposal for Compromise

[metalluk]

At Google Maps, you can get a display of which primary states have been carried by Obama and which by Clinton. The interesting thing about the geographical distribution of primary victories for the two candidates is that there are some very large, unbroken blocks. Except for New England, where each candidate won three of the six states, and Florida, the rest of the country is (or soon will be) composed of four solid blocks, with Clinton winning in the northeast (industrial states where the white, working class vote is strong) and southwest (where the Latino vote is a big factor). Obama is consistently winning the so-called Heartland and Northwest (he will likely fill in that sector with wins in South Dakota and Montana). Oregon is still up for grabs, but will connect to one of the two blocks either way. Obama has also carried all of the old south, from Louisiana to Virginia (but not Florida where the Latino and elderly votes favor Hillary).

Therefore, the solution to the current impasse is obvious. We divide the USA up into two new countries. Obama could be President of Dixie-Heart (Dixie for the old south and "Heart" for Heartland America) and Clinton could be President of Hispaneis (Hispa for the Southwest and Neis for Northeastern Industrial States). The New England states could have a quick, dirty little war to determine whether they go with the one or the other. These two countries would not necessarily have to have immutable boundaries. They could change with each election cycle based on the Democratic primaries every four years.

As for the Repugs, they could be incorporated into a kind of Cyber-Airways Nation called Limbaugh-Land. It would have no geographical territory but could thrive in the delusional minds of its citizens. Any Repugs who felt strongly about having an actual physical presence on the planet could be relocated to the Middle East, where they would certainly be warmly welcomed.

Clinton could then make use of her knowledge and experience with economic issues to crank up the economies in California, the industrial northeast, and the rest of Hispaneis while Obama could regale the Dixie Goobers and Heartland farmers with inspirational, evangelical-like State-of-the-Dixie-Heart messages and lead them in lively renditions of "God Damn Hispaneis," with Vice President Wright gyrating at his side. Although Hispaneis would be far more potent economically than Dixie-Heart, the citizens of Dixie-Heart would nevertheless enjoy themselves a great deal more.

Individual citizens unhappy about their placement under this new system would be free to move to the other nation, depending on whether they preferred to get rich or pray a lot. Migration between the two nations would be unrestricted, although both of the new nations would agree to tight restrictions on further immigration of Mexicans and other kinds of Central and South Americans. This would ensure a continuing balance of political influence between Hispaneis and Dixie-Heart and avoid precipitating another "Bleeding Kansas."

So, you see that all it takes is a little creative, outside-the-box thinking to generate solutions to what seem like intractable impasses. Now, ask me about my plan for solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict without even resorting to genocide or nuclear holocaust.