The path of the righteous man is beset by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

Leopolds Ghost

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Thu Apr-17-08 04:46 PM
Original message

The path of the righteous man is beset by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

Obama: I'm trying to show some restraint

HILLARY (conversational)

Just know: you win the primary,
I'll make sure you lose in the general.

OBAMA

That seems to be the situation.

Now I don't want that and you don't
want that and Bill here don't want
that. So let's see what we can do.
(to Bill)

Now this is the situation.

Normally both of your asses would
be dead as fuckin' fried chicken.
But you happened to pull this shit
while I'm in a transitional period.

I don't wanna kill ya, I want to
help ya. But I'm afraid I can't
give you the votes. They don't belong
to me. Besides, I went through too
much shit this morning on account
of this election to just hand it over
to your ass.

VOTERS (OS)

What the fuck's goin' on here?

OBAMA

It's cool, Voters! It's cool!
Don't do a goddamn thing. Hillary,
it's cool baby, nothin's changed.
We're still just talkin', (to Bill)
Tell her we're still cool.

BILL CLINTON

It's cool, Honey Bunny, we're still cool.

MEDIA (microphone raised) What the hell's goin' on, Obama?

OBAMA

Nothin' I can't handle. I want you
to just hang back and don't do shit
unless it's absolutely necessary.

Hillary, how we doin, baby?

HILLARY

I gotta go pee! I want to go home.

OBAMA

Just hang in there, baby, you're
doing' great, Bill's proud of you
and so am I. It's almost over,
(to Bill)
Now I want you to go in that media
press kit and find my wallet.

BILL CLINTON Which one is it?

OBAMA

It's the one that says
Bad Motherfucker on it!!

Bill Clinton looks in the bag and -- sure enough --
there's a wallet with "Bad Motherfucker" embroidered on it.

OBAMA

That's my bad motherfucker. Now open it up
and take out the list of names. How much is there?

BILL

About fifty delegates from MI and FL.

OBAMA

Put it in your pocket, it's yours.
Now with the rest of them delegates
and the media, that makes this a
pretty successful little score.

VOTERS

Obama, if you give this nimrod
fifty delegates from MI and FL,
I'm gonna vote 'em out on general principle.

OBAMA

You ain't gonna do a goddamn thing,
now hang back and shut the fuck up.
Besides, I ain't givin' it to him.
I'm buyin' somethin' for my money.
Wanna know what I'm buyin' Ringo?

BILL CLINTON -- What?

OBAMA

Your political career. I'm givin' you that
money so I don't hafta kill your future in
the party. You read the Bible?

BILL CLINTON -- Oh yes, all the time!

OBAMA

There's a passage I got memorized.
Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the
righteous man is beset on all sides
by the inequities of the selfish
and the tyranny of evil men.

Blessed is he who, in the name of
charity and good will, shepherds
the weak through the valley of
darkness. For he is truly his
brother's keeper and the finder
of lost children.

And I will strike down upon thee
with great vengeance and furious
anger those who attempt to poison
and destroy my brothers.

And you will know I am the LORD
when I lay my vengeance upon you!"

I been sayin' that shit for years.
And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass.

I never really questioned what it meant.

I thought it was just a cold-blooded
thing to say to a motherfucka 'fore you
popped a cap in his ass on Election Day.

But I saw some shit this mornin' in Pennsylvania
made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin', "it could
mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man.

And Mr. Voter here, he's the shepherd protecting
my righteous ass in the valley of darkness.

Or it could be you're the righteous man and
I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's
evil and selfish. I'd like that.

But that shit ain't the truth.

The truth is you're the weak.
And I'm the tyranny of evil men.
But I'm tryin', Bill and Hillary....

I'm tryin' REAL hard... to be the shepherd.