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The Dead Politician Sketch
A Voted Enters Washington:
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closin' for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Politician what I voted for not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Hillary Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'she's defeated, that's what's wrong with it!
O: No, no, 'e's uh,...she's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a defeated Politician when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No no She's not defeated, She's, She's restin'! Remarkable Lady, the Hillary Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone cold defeated.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'SHE's resting!
C: All right then, if She's restin', I'll wake her up!
(shouting at the Hillary)
'Ello, Miss Clinton! I've got a lovely fresh shot of booze for you if you show...(owner hits the table)
O: There, She moved!
C: No, She didn't, that was you hitting the table.
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the table repeatedly) 'ELLO HILLARY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your Three o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Hillary off the table and thumps her head . Has her dodge bullet fire and watches her plummet in the polls.)
C: Now that's what I call a Defeated Politician..
O: No, no.....No, 'She's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned her, just as She was wakin' up! Hillary Blues stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That politician is definitely defeated, and when I voted for it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk........
and so it goes.
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